Style Invitational Week 1082: Band on the Pun — slightly alter the
name of a music act

Plus the winning ‘Hyphen the Terrible’ neologisms from Week 1078

(Bob Staake/for The Washington Post)
By Pat Myers July 24 at 2:44 PM
Invitational Week 1082: Band on the Pun — slightly alter the name of a
music act'>

(Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning “Hyphen the Terrible”
results from Week 1078.)

*The Beagles: Had No. 1 hits with both a “A Dog Day’s Night” and “Kennel
California.”* (Jeff Contompasis)

*The B-12’s might help with your “Love Slack.”* (Julie Kempton)

*Lad Gaga: So those rumors WERE true!* (Jeff Contompasis)

*Dave Matthews Bad: Honest rock.* (David Clayton)

Just a few days ago, Pre-Loser Lisa Kelsey of Pawling, N.Y., shared on
Facebook’s Style Invitational Devotees page about a little game on
Twitter called (if you add spaces and a comma) Remove a Letter, Ruin a
Band: to drop a letter from the name of a music group to make a funny
name. The Devotees immediately expanded on the idea, and we’ll run with
it as well: *Alter the name of a music group or performer slightly — not
necessarily by just one letter, but enough so it’s obvious what the
original is — and describe it in some way,* as in the examples above
from the Devotees page. It’s going to be the clever description that
will earn the ink.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives, apropos of this contest, a bright orange
cloth belt
covered with
weirdly misspelled titles of Rolling Stones songs, such as “Ruby
Tcesday” and “Get Off Df Hycolud.” Donated — regifted, actually — by
Hall of Fame Loser Elden Carnahan, who won it in Week 599 (2005). It was
originally donated by Robin Diallo, who’d found it in New Delhi, though
the wrapping on the belt had Chinese lettering.

*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet, either the Po’ Wit Laureate

or Puns of Steel.
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). E-mail entries to /
/ or, if you were born in the 19th century,
fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 4; results published Aug.
24 (online Aug. 21). No more than 25 entries per entrant per contest.
Include “Week 1082” in your e-mail subject line or it might be ignored
as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at
. This week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by
Michael Ostapiej. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on
Facebook at / ,/ and click “like”
on Style Invitational Ink of the Day at /

^ *The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column
discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to
enter, check it out at

And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . .

Let’s dash over to the Hyphen the Terrible neologisms from Week 1078!

Week 1078 was another installment of our age-old contest in which the
Empress asked readers to find two hyphenated words or terms in the same
edition of a publication, then combine the halves of them into a new

Since Web sites don’t usually break lines to make the columns line
up, online readers had far fewer hyphens to choose from; perhaps that’s
why we didn’t get the deluge of entries that our neologism contests
usually draw.

The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial

*BEAUtiful + POLitics: Beau-pol:* A charming, intelligent and thoughtful
politician who, after leaks of toxic material about his life, turns out
to be a disaster. (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)

2nd place and the “We the People Are Piffed” T-shirt:

*ALbums + coLOGNE: Al-logne: * Perfume that’s guaranteed to keep you
from being bothered. (Kevin Dopart, vacationing in Naxos, Greece)

3rd place

*AMERIca + disproPORTIONATELY: Ameri-portionately: * Super-sized. (Pam
Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

4th place

*EFfort + AfGHANISTAN: Ef-ghanistan: *What Americans reply when they’re
asked about our longest war. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Dash test dummies: honorable mentions

*Obvi-state: *To say what goes without saying. Example: “The
definitition of ‘obvi-state’ is to say what goes without saying.” (Jeff
Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

*Liver-worst: *Grain alcohol (Dayna Fellows, Bethesda, Md.)

*Disas-terns:* The unpaid summer help that your company will be paying
for until next summer. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*Man-uments:* The Washington Monument, the Space Needle, the Empire
State Building, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, etc. (Mike Gips)

*Anonym-pho: *One of the whores with no name. (Chris Doyle)

*Anonym-pho: *A Jane Do. (Kevin Dopart)

*Mer-icle:* A Carnival cruise without a catastrophic event. (Mike
Ostapiej, Mount Pleasant, S.C.)

*Crimi-rich: *Ne’er-do-wealthy. (Chris Doyle)

*De-pelling: *What you’d be doing, fast, if your climbing rope broke.
(Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)

*Bos-phemy: *Admitting that, okay, Derek Jeter’s a pretty good
ballplayer. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)

*Reli-ginia: *The ultimate red state. (Kevin Dopart)

*Didly-master: *Jack of all trades, but . . . (Rick Haynes, Ocean City,

*Optimis-hap: *Inadvertently sitting on your rose-colored glasses.
(Chris Doyle)

*Tween-nomics: *The ratio of babysitting wages to One Direction ticket
prices (Pam Sweeney)

*Zam-borghini:* It smooths out a rink in 4.6 seconds. (Frank Osen)

*Envi-Mi: *The new little Kardashian dog. (Pam Sweeney)

*Cy-chologists:* Baseball managers during those trips to the pitcher’s
mound. (Pam Sweeney)

*Bacon-distance:* One degree of separation. (Chris Doyle)

*Pre-tween:* That wonderful stage after potty-training and before
eye-rolling. (Todd DeLap, Fairfax, Va.)

*Ex-tween:* A person with the body of a teenager and the judgment of a
drunken carp. (Todd DeLap)

*Foot-seas:* Innocent activity that could land you in deep water. (Jeff
Shirley, Richmond, Va.)

*Biparti-cult: *A tiny, sinister group of congressmen who believe in
reaching across the aisle. (Mike Gips)

*NBC-plot:* TV writers’ term meaning “This story is going nowhere.” (Jon
Gearhart, Des Moines)

*Mer-torney:* Half-man, half-fish, all shark. (Mark Raffman, Esq.,
Reston, Va.)

*Flounder-thing: * What Tucker Carlson did
“Dancing With the Stars.” (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)

*Goo-getter:* A baby wipe. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

*Alley-High:* Song from the musical “Souse Pacific.” (Barbara Turner)

*Num-vee:* Five, to Cicero. (Christopher Lamora, Los Angeles)

*Over-sures:* “Hi, sweetheart, your place or mine?” (Mike Gips)

*Lame-knock: *To callously use the phrase “that’s so lame” instead of
the more socially acceptable “that’s so mobility-challenged.” (Jeff

*Before-size:* Same as after-size, but not during-size (hopefully). (Tom
Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

*Orga-cide:* What a way to go. (Jeff Shirley)

*Still running — deadline Monday night: Our contest for stupid
questions. * *Next
week’s results: Little Piddle Riddle *or *Wise Guys’ Replies Arise,* our
contest to supply a riddle whose answer is a rhyming phrase. See .