Style Invitational Week 1066: Foaling Around: It’s our venerable
horse-‘breeding’ contest

By Pat Myers
Thursday, April 3, 4:54 PM

*Dunkin Bend x Big Tire = Mmm, Donuts*

*Our Caravan x Smack Smack = Sock Her, Mom! *

*Edison x Flat Gone = Deadison *

We’re greeting print-Post readers this week from our new digs, snuggled
against the crossword in the brand-new Arts & Style section, but we’re
setting up our new quarters with familiar furnishings: It’s the 20th
straight year of one of the most popular Style Invitational contests,
one that usually draws several thousand entries, even though the purse
is not exactly the $2 million up for grabs in this year’s Kentucky
Derby; however, we offer a bobblehead, a hat, a bag, a mug and a stack
of refrigerator magnets, while the derby won’t give the winners a single
one of those. *At the bottom of this page is a list of 100 of the
3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year’s Triple Crown events;
your job is to “breed” any two of them and name the “foal” to reflect
both names, *as in the examples above. No, it doesn’t matter that
virtually all — though not all-all — of the horses in the list are male
(the filly Got Lucky doesn’t need to get /that /lucky). *A name may not
exceed 18 characters including spaces,* as in the real racehorse world,
but we will allow one or more of the characters to be a punctuation mark
or numeral. You may run words together to make the name fit if it’s
simply hilarious, but the name still should be easy to read — see, we
like people to read the Invite. Be sure not to misspell the original
horse name in your entry, or the Empress might miss it when she searches
on each horse’s name during the judging. As always, you may send as many
as 25 entries, and they can all be on the same e-mail.

Winner gets not a blanket of roses but the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a genuine 2009 Kentucky Derby souvenir
by Loser Sam Laudenslager. The race that year, by the way, was won by
the utter longshot Mine That Bird (Birdstone x Mining My Own), who
retired two years later. But the 2009 Invite Derby was won by 371-time
Loser and horse-naming specialist Jonathan Paul (Sir Phenomenal x Empire
State = Knight Who Says NY), who, we wager, has already saddled up and
headed for the starting gate once again.

*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug
or the ardently
desired “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag.
mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet, either the Po’ Wit Laureate

or Puns of Steel.
Offenders receive a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink

for their first ink). *E-mail entries to /
/ *or, if you were born in the 19th
century, fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 14; results
published May 4 (online May 1, two days before Derby Day). No more than
25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1066” in your e-mail
subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name,
postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and
guidelines at . This week’s
honorable-mentions subhead is by Dave Prevar; the alternative headline
in the “Next week’s results” line is by Beverley Sharp. Join the lively
Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /
,/ and click “like” on Style Invitational Ink of
the Day at / /

*The Style Conversational: *The Empress’s weekly online column (posted
late Thursday afternoon or early evening) discusses each new contest and
set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at .

*Report from Week 1063, ‘Same Difference’: Typically ingenious results this week to our perennial contest in which we posted a list of 16 random items and asked you to tell how any two
were alike or different.

Almost 20 people suggested that the difference
between the Arizona legislature and a three-cupped bra is that the bra
contains only three boobs.

*The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:*

*A Fleetwood Mac reunion vs. the Arizona legislature
: *One will
have you singing “Don’t Stop”; the other will have you screaming,
“Don’t! Stop!” (Dave Letizia, Alexandria, Va.)

*2nd place, winner of the matzo-printed toilet seat cover saying “Let My
People Go”*

*The Human Barbie
*is a real person transformed into an imaginary person with big boobs;
*Adele Dazeem * is a real person transformed into an imaginary person by
a big boob. (Jim Stiles, Rockville, Md.)

*3rd place*

*A USB stick marked “Property of NSA”* is valuable to a deserter;
*XL jeggings* are valuable to a desserter. (Danielle Nowlin, Woodbridge,

*4th place*

*XL jeggings:* Big waistband width.
*Buzzfeed quizzes: *Big bandwidth waste. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

*Paired down: honorable mentions*

*Bob Staake’s No. 2 pencils* and *the Arizona legislature:* Both are
guaranteed to come up with something patently ridiculous, but only one
of them on purpose. (Lori Petterson, College Park, Md., a First Offender)

• And: One is used with discri-mination to draw gray lines; the other
uses discrimination to draw gay lines. (Diane Wah, Seattle)

*Adele Dazeem *and *the Arizona legislature:* One was an /honest/
mistake. (Warren Tanabe, Annapolis, Md.)

*Buzzfeed quizzes

* vs. *a USB stick marked “Property of NSA”:* The former shows you what
you got on them; the latter shows you what they got on you. (Jeff

*A three-cupped bra* and *XL jeggings:
* Both are top sellers at the
Chernobyl Wal-Mart. (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

*West Africanfufu

* and *a three-cupped bra:* One is full of cassava; the other is full of
casaba. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Both *the Arizona legislature* and *a Sochi hotel* think it’s fine to
refuse to serve a West African fufu. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

*“Jeopardy!” champ Arthur Chu* is a recipient of the show’s largess,
while *XL jeggings* can accommodate a large . . . (Mark Raffman, Reston,

*April Fools’ Day: *You can see right through that trick! *The Human
Barbie:* You can see right through that chick! (Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala.)

*The polar vortex* and *Adele Dazeem:* One is a legitimate name
associated with “Frozen.” (Kelly Ronayne, Alexandria, Va., a First

*A three-cupped bra *and *the Human Barbie: *Neither is what you’d call
anatomically correct. (Edward Gordon, Austin)

*The Human Barbie *and *a Sochi hotel: *Both ought to put up a big
“Vacancy” sign. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.; Heather Spence, New York)

*Bellybutton lint *vs. *the Human Barbie:* With one, there’s a bit of
fluff stuck in your navel; with the other, it’s clinging to your arm.
(Zoe Benfell, Mechanicsville, Md., a First Offender)

*Sriracha Life Savers* have more calories than *the Human Barbie. *And
they’re hotter. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park, Md.)

*April Fool’s Day* and *a USB stick marked “Property of NSA”:* For some
reason, the FBI didn’t think the two of them made sense together the way
my client did. (David Ballard, Reston, Va.)

*The polar vortex *and *a “Property of NSA” stick*: If you have one, you
may be snowed in; if you have the other, you may be Snowden. (Rob Cohen,
Potomac, Md.)

*Adele Dazeem*and *a three-cupped bra:* Each may be evidence of one nip
too many. (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

*Arthur Chu *stalked the Daily Double, while *a three-cupped bra* is the
Bali Triple. (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.)

*A Sochi hotel* and *a three-cupped bra:* With the first, you might not
have /enough / doorknobs.

*Bellybutton lint* and *a USB stick marked “Property of NSA”: *It’s
safer to stick the lint into your PC. (Tom Panther, Springfield, Va.)

• And: The deeper you dig into either one, the funnier it smells. (Ben
Aronin, Arlington, Va.)

*Bob Staake’s No. 2 pencils* vs.*the Human Barbie: *Staake’s pencils
render the human form more realistically, even with bananas for noses.
(Lawrence McGuire)

*Buzzfeed quizzes* vs. *XL jeggings:* You can use one to figure out what
type of animal you are; with the other, you already know you’re a hippo.
(Mark Raffman)

*Bob Staake’s No. 2 pencils* and *a Sochi hotel:* Each is a synonym for
a dump. (Frank Osen)

S*riracha Life Savers *and *a Sochi hotel: * If you try either one,
carry a large supply of water. (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.;
Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.)

*A Fleetwood Mac Reunion *and a*Sochi hotel: *You won’t be able to sleep
at a Sochi hotel. (Rob Huffman)

*A USB stick marked “Property of NSA”: * Beware of malware. *XL
jeggings: * Beware of malwear. (Jonathan Hardis)

*West African fufu* and *the Arizona Legislature:* One has, as its end,
“f-u”; the other, as its end, to F.U. (Kelly Ronayne)

/*Next week’s results: HistoRebuffs,* or *Change You Can’t Believe In,*
our Week 1064 contest (or, as we called it,
1066 minus 2) to alter a moment in history and describe the effect. /

*The horse names to use for Week 1066*

All Tied Up
Almost Famous
Asserting Bear
Best Plan Yet
Big Bazinga
Big Tire
Big Tuff
Bobby’s Kitten
Brilliant Mess
Cairo Prince
California Chrome
Candy Boy
Charge Now
Commanding Curve
Crushed It
Cut the Net
Dunkin Bend
Excessive Kid
Exit Stage Left
Fascinating Rock
Financial Mogul
Fire Starter
Flat Gone
Gaining Ground
General A Rod
Gift Diamond
Gold Hawk
Got Lucky
Grand Strand
Grizzly Song
Icy Ride
I Earned It Baby
I’ll Wrap It Up
Intense Holiday
Jimmy Connors
Kowboy Boots
Life Is a Joy
Mental Iceberg
Midnight Hawk
Mr Speaker
Noble Moon
No Nay Never
Only I Know
Oogeley Eye
Our Caravan
Pax in Terra
Poker Player
Ride On Curlin
Ring Weekend
Rise Up
Russian Humor
Smack Smack
Smart Cover
Snuggley Bear
So Lonesome
Strong Mandate
Tall Boy
The Custodian
Thunder Moon
Toast of New York
Twenty Percent
Uncle Sigh
Vegas Strip
Vicar’s In Trouble
We Miss Artie
Wicked Strong
Wildcat Red
/Sources: The Downey Profile and; special thanks to
Losers Laura Bennett Peterson and Wilson Varga for alerting the Empress
to late additions to and scratches from the list. /

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