Style Invitational Week 1032: Keep it symbol-stupid; plus the winning
‘joint legislation’

By Pat Myers
Thursday, August 1, 3:05 PM

*The Washington Monument: It has a square base, the four sides
representing Truth, Justice, and the American Way, and something else.
But! Partway up it changes color, which is illegal immigration, after
which the square base gradually shrinks until it disappears at the tip.
And the tip is aluminum, which has an atomic number of 13, and there are
13 characters in “Barack H. Obama” . . . *

Inspired by a recent speech

in which Glenn Beck informed his listeners that certain markings on the
U.S. dollar bill — a star-shaped arrangement with what seem to be rings
around it — demonstrated conclusively that “America was established for
the establishment of Israel,” Hall of Fame Loser Elden Carnahan
suggested this week’s contest: *Explain the symbolism “obviously”
evident in any well-known site, artwork, etc., in 75 words or fewer,* as
in Elden’s own example above. You may jokingly attribute it to someone
else’s thinking.

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial
the Lincoln statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a genuine dried baby blowfish wearing a
little straw hat,
procured by the
Empress herself this summer in a tacky San Francisco souvenir shop. Its
pinched mouth, along with the little eyes glued onto it, makes it look
like a little bird. A little bird wearing a sombrero.

*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug

or the ardently desired Grossery Bag
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet
First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink
for their first ink). E-mail entries to /
/ or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, Aug. 12; results published Sept. 1 (online Aug 29). No more than
25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1032” in your e-mail
subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name,
postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and
guidelines at . The
subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Danielle Nowlin; the
alternative headline in the “next week’s results” line is by Howard
Walderman. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook
at / ./

*Report from Week 1028, our usually biennial contest in which you combine the names of two or
more freshmen members of Congress to produce “joint legislation” — only
this time we used the all-freshman First Congress (1789-91).

Among the
more than 1,700 entries, the busiest congressman was one Rep. Huger,
most often in partnership with, alas, Sen. Johnson. Note: As always, you
have to sound out some of the bills to figure them out — and sometimes
they’re a bit of a stretch (for example, “Hartley-King-Sevier-Lee” in
the fourth-place entry means “heart leaking severely”). So if you don’t
get it, click here for the results
accompanied by translations and explanations.

*The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:*

The Johnson-Sevier-Lee-Lee-King bill to establish the key rule for
ending a filibuster. /(Doug Hamilton, College Park, Md.)/

*2.* *Winner of the stress-reduction squeeze toy
the shape of the Capitol dome: *The Tucker-Few-Moore-Wadsworth bill to
support business as usual among Virginia governors and D.C. Council
members. /(Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)/

*3.* The White-Few-Scott-Moore “1 Percent Solution” bill to establish an
enduring division of wealth and power in America. /(Mark Raffman,
Reston, Va.)/

*4.* The White-Parker-Ames-Gunn-Brown-Walker-Hartley-King-Sevier-Lee
bill to revoke Florida’s “stand your ground” law./(Craig Dykstra,
Centreville, Va.)/

*Low resolutions: honorable mentions*

The Sherman-Schureman Resolution to not raise taxes. /(Anne Shively,
Broadlands, Va.)/

The Foster-Huger-Partridge-Carroll bill establishing 24 days of
Christmas. /(Seth Tucker, Washington)/

The Few-Hawkins-Sumter-Read bill for emergency newsstand construction.
/(Chuck Blahous, Rockville, Md., a First Offender) /

The Brown-Bloodworth-White-Gunn amendment, clarifying which takes
precedence if the Second and 14th Amendments ever are in
conflict./(Danny Bravman, Chicago)/

The Bourne-Bland bill to establish a Romney family museum. /(Ira Allen,
Bethesda, Md.)/

The King-Lee-Johnson-Izard-Lee-Huger bill to affirm the equality of
royalty and the common folk./(Doug Hamilton)/

The Jackson-Paterson Proposition to revisit charges of inappropriate
conduct by the King of Pop. /(Craig Dykstra)/

The Moore-Brown-Butler bill to commemorate the contributions of Paula
Deen./(Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)/

The Boudinot-Johnson Act to determine the types of nudity permitted to
be shown on basic cable. /(Tom Rowe, Olney, Md., a First Offender)/

The Parker-Muhlenberg Act to construct urban hitching posts. /(Dudley
Thompson, Cary, N.C.)/

Monroe-Foster-Steele-Moore-Lee-King Jamaican Shipbuilding Assistance
Act. /(Lisa Henderson, Chevy Chase, Md.)/

Bassett-Walker Act to provide jobs for height-challenged Americans.
/(Todd Petree, Fairfax, Va., a First Offender) /

The Walker-Clymer-Boudinot-Huger stay-in-shape resolution. /(Pie
Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.) /

The Lee-Moore-Lee resolution to add another dozen historical markers in
Virginia. /(Joy Sibley, Fairfax, Va.) /

The Maclay-Gunn Act to investigate the high percentage of escapes from
prisons that give pottery classes. /(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.)/

The Lee-Lee-White anti-immigration resolution./(Stephen Dudzik, Olney,
Md.; Scott Boller, Centreville, Va., a First Offender)/


Resolution decrying minimalist architecture./(Gary Crockett, Chevy
Chase, Md.; Carol Ostrow, Laurel, Md.) /

The Laurance-Livermore-Huger-Steele-Gunn appropriations bill to develop
intercontinental cannonball technology before the British do. /(Kevin
Dopart, Washington)/

The Huger-Johnson bill to erect the Washington Monument./(William
Kennard, Arlington, Va.)/

The Ames-Brown-Hawkins Act to keep the congressional cuspidors cleaner.
/(Susan Thompson, Cary, N.C.) /

The Huger-Lee-Izard Act to increase defense spending to prevent Godzilla
attacks. /(Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)/

The Walker-Tucker-Clymer Act to encourage our young men to increase the
population of this great nation by any means possible. /(Andy Promisel,
Fairfax, Va.; Mark Raffman)/

The Brown-Clymer Act, making it illegal to engage in sycophantic
behavior for career advancement./(Dawn Kral, La Plata, Md., a First

The Grayson-Brown-Scott-Moore-White Act granting a patent to the
inventor of laundry detergent./(Danielle Nowlin, Woodbridge, Va.) /

The Huger-Ashe amendment to require slender womenfolk to wear
bustles./(Andrea Kelly, Ashton, Md.)/

The Tucker-Boudinot resolution to promote the wearing of thongs with a
“Just Say Yes to Crack” campaign. /(Randy Lee, Burke, Va.)/

The Lee Izard King Resolution: Decrying congressional deadlock, since
the “time to hesitate is through; no time to wallow in the mire.” /(Russ
Taylor, Vienna, Va.,) /

The Contee-Read-Page Act to prohibit stupid questions about the bill at
issue during floor debates. /(Danielle Nowlin)/

The Partridge-Bourne-Gunn Act to outlaw frightening new drone
technology./(Doug Hamilton)/

The Sevier-Lee-White-Boudinot-Goodhue Act to promote nude sunbathing.
/(Tom Rowe) /

The Wadsworth-Morris-Goodhue-Moore Act to declare, “Give us levity or
give us death!” /(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) /

The Thatcher-Gunn Resolution that if you see something, say
something./(Brian Cohen, Lexington, Va.) /

The White-Johnson Act establishing minimum qualifications for election
to the Second Congress/(Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)/

Few-Read-Elmer-Lee-Dickinson legislation to support goofy hick relatives
of poets. /(Todd Petree)/

The Schureman-Sherman bill to change affirmative votes from “aye” to
something more mellow. /(Tim Watts, Reston, Va., a First Offender) /

The Bland-Strong-Clymer-Parker Act allowing NSA to reveal superheroes’
identities. /(Kevin Dopart) /

The Grayson-Madison-Parker Resolution to encourage continued use of
trendy baby names. This resolution is opposed by the writers of the
Elmer-Floyd-Silvester Resolution, who advocate a return to the
basics./(Kathye Hamilton, Annandale, Va.) /

The Few-Moore-Read-Page Resolution commending the Sunday Style section
for putting the Invitational on the back cover. /(Gary Crockett) /

*Still running — deadline Monday night: our contest for words within
words. See . *

/See the Empress’s online column The Style Conversational
(published late
Thursday) , in which she discusses today’s new contest and results along
with news about the Loser Community — and you can vote for your favorite
among the inking entries, since you no doubt figured the Empress chose
the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail notification each week when
the Invitational and Conversational are posted online, sign up here
or write to the Empress at (note that in the
subject line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook,
join the far more lively group Style Invitational Devotees
and chime in there. /

*Next week’s results: Ditty Harry? * or *Cinema Parodies, Oh!, * the
Week 1029 contest to write a plot summary or
description of a movie, set to a well-known tune.

© The Washington Post Company