Style Invitational Week 1029: It’s parody time, and the topic is
movies; plus top backronyms


By Pat Myers
,


It’s high time we returned to a genre that’s excruciating when done
badly — which is usually — and sublime when it’s done well — which is by
the Style Invitational Loser Community: Two summers ago, we asked for
descriptive theme songs for TV shows,
à
la those for “The Beverly Hillbillies” and “The Brady Bunch”; this year,
at the suggestion of Loser Rob Pivarnik: *Write a descriptive theme song
for a well-known movie, set to a well-known tune.* The tune doesn’t have
to have anything to do with the movie (though it’s welcome to). The
songs may be as long as you like, but multi-verse entries, as well as
those using more obscure movies or tunes, aren’t as likely to run in the
print paper, where we don’t have as much room and can’t provide
sing-along links. We won’t complain if you include a link to an online
recording of the song you’re parodying; you can even make your own video
(it’s good to include the lyrics if you do).

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial,
the
Lincoln-statue bobblehead that is the official Style Invitational
trophy. Second place receives a mini-bottle of liquor containing a
preserved scorpion, sure to make you the most potent guy around. (Or
possibly the deadest.) Donated by Double Hall of Fame Loser Tom Witte,
whose daughter Michelle brought it back from Laos. (If you win second
place and are under 21, or if you live overseas, or if you just don’t
want this thing, we’ll send you a mug or bag instead.)

*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug

or the ardently desired Grossery Bag
.
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet
.
First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink
for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, July 22; results published Aug. 11 (online Aug. 8). No more than
25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1029” in your e-mail
subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name,
postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules . The
subhead for this week’s honorable mentions was submitted separately by
Tom Witte and Chris Doyle; the alternative headline in the “Next week’s
contest” line is by Beverley Sharp. Join the lively Style Invitational
Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./

*Report from Week 1025: Backronyms, in which we asked for phrases that spell out what the letters in a given
name or other term “stand for”:

The entrance period for this contest was
June 13-24; Edward Snowden had identified himself on June 9. The Empress
received tons of entries about Snowden, PRISM, NSA, etc.; she’s sure
that even if they didn’t get ink here, they’ve been eagerly read by
/someone. /

*The winner of the Inkin’ Memorial:*

*PRISM:* Perfectly Reasonable Internet Snooping Mwahahahah! /(Jay
Cummings, Greenbelt, Md.)/

*2.* /Winner of the gag no-tear toilet paper AND the toilet paper
imprinted with pictures of euros (wow, are we lavish or what?):/ Pizza
Hut Deliveryman? You’re Almost, Like, Employed!: *PhD, YALE* /(Chris
Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)/

*3.* *BRYCE HARPER:* Bro, Recalibrate! You Can’t Expect Health And
Regular Play Executing Recklessly!/(Paul Stackpole, Ellicott City, Md.,
a First Offender)/

*4.* *iPHONE:* Ignoring Person Here to Open New E-mail /(Ben Shouse,
Takoma Park, Md., a First Offender)/

*LACKRONYMS: HONORABLE MENTIONS*

*DONALD TRUMP:* Drowned Otter? Nesting Animal? Large Divot? Toupee
Resting Upon Moneyed Plutocrat /(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)/

*SYRIA:* Soon You’ll Recognize Iran’s Appendage. /(Mark Raffman) /

*SYRIA:* Seriously? You’re Really Intervening, America? /(Chris Doyle;
Ben Shouse)/

*HIPPOCRATIC OATH:* Help Indecisive Patients Profess Onerous Complaints
Readily Applicable To Insurance Coverage. Oh – And To Heal /(Barry Koch,
Catlett, Va.)/

*FURLOUGH: *Feckless, Unproductive Reprobates Lose Outrageous,
Undeserved Government Handouts /— T. Party, Outside the Beltway/
/(Stephen Frantzich, Gambrills, Md., a First Offender)/

*INTERN: *Informative, Nurturing Transition to Employment. Really! Not.
/(Michael Reinemer, Annandale, Va.)/

*METRO:* More Efficient Than Renting Oxen /(Michael Reinemer) /

*NSA:* Nothing’s Sacred, America/(Laurie Tompkins, Rockville, Md.)/

*NSA:* Non-Scheduled Audience/(Steve Honley, Washington)/

*USA:* Under Surveillance Always (/Frank Barker, Towson, Md.)/

*PRISM: *Possibly Relevant? I Shall Meddle /(Roy Ashley, Washington) /

*SNOWDEN:* Spy, Nerd Or Whistleblower, Drives Everyone Nuts/(Gary
Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)/

*EDWARD SNOWDEN:* Earnest, Devoted, Wholly Altruistic Rebel? Dubious.
Someone Needs Omnipresent Waxing of a Diva Ego. Nimrod. /(Nan Reiner,
Alexandria, Va.)/

*PRIVACY:* Previously Restricted Information Viewed Anytime by
Clandestine Yahoos /(Kevin Dopart)/

*PATRIOT ACT:* Perusing All Telephone Records Indiscriminately Offends
The American Constitution? Tough. /(Nan Reiner) /

*IRS:* Innovative Recreation Skills

/(Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.)/

*OBAMA:* Oh, Baby, Admire My Arrogance /(Jim Blizzard, Arlington, Va., a
First Offender)/

*JOE BIDEN:* Joke’s On Everyone! Born In Dharan, East Nepal! /(Alex
Jeffrey, Columbia, Md.) /

*HILLARY CLINTON:* Her Intense, Limitless Leadership Ambition Requires
Years Collecting Lucre — It’s Now Time or Never/(Mark Raffman, Reston,
Va.)/

*CHRISTIE:* Contrary, Headstrong, Republican, Independent . . . and
Slimming To Improve Electability?/(Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.)/

*CONGRESS:* Conglomeration Of Nitpickers, Getting Ruder Every Successive
Session. /(Mae Scanlan, Washington)/

Racist Eponym, Daniel Snyder! Knuckleheaded Intransigence, Nauseatingly
Superannuated: *R#dSk*ns* /(Ami Greenberg, Washington, a First Offender) /

*REDSKINS:*Respecting Entreaties, Dan Selects Kinder Indian Name:
“Squaws” /(Jeff Shirley, Richmond)/

*BACHMANN:* Bucking Against Change, Her Mouth Asserted the Nonexistent
as News /(Mike Jacobs, Columbia, Md.)/

*BLOOMBERG:* Billionaire Lords Over Ordinary Manhattanites, Bans
Everything Remotely Gratifying /(Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.) /

*RICE:* Reality’s Irrelevant Compared to Expediency /(Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village, Md.)/

*PUTIN:* Pocketed Unreplaceable Trinket? I? Nyet! /(Dave Zarrow, Reston,
Va.)/

*EARHART: *Enemy Abduction — Romulans! — Halts Amelia’s Round Trip
/(Ellen Ryan)/

*POTBELLY: * People, Our Title Basically Explains: Largest Loaf — You
/(Matt Monitto, Silver Spring, Md.)/

Resist Ultra-healthy Foreign Foods! Let’s Eat Salt!: *RUFFLES* /(Kathy
El-Assal, Middleton, Wis.)/

*LAS VEGAS:* Let’s All Simply View Every Gambler As a Sucker /(Howard
Walderman) /

*INSTAGRAM: * /I /Never Shot That Awful, Greenish, Refracted,
Adulterated Mess /(Gary Crockett)/

*MEN:* Mostly Emitting Noises /(Jason Russo, Annandale, Va.)/

*PEDESTRIAN:* Person Every Driver Expects Should Totally Remain Indoors
At Night /(Laurie Kelly, Takoma Park, Md., a First Offender)/

*YAHOO.COM:* Your At-Home Office? Outlawed. Company Orders, Ma’am /(Mark
Raffman)/

*GODADDY.COM:* Girls Overflowing Dresses All Desire Doing YOU? Come On,
Man!/(Gary Crockett)/

*MATCH.COM:* Making A Ton of Cash Helping Clueless Oldsters Mate
/(Colette Zanin, Greenbelt, Md.)/

*CAMELS: * Coughing, Asthma, Maybe Emphysema? Let’s Smoke! /(Chris Doyle)/

*VIAGRA: *Virility Isn’t A Guarantee, Randy Ancients /(Rob Huffman,
Fredericksburg, Va.) /

*MANSCAPING:* Males Are Now Snipping, Cropping And Pruning In Nether
Gardens /(Chris Doyle) /

*BOOKS: *Bulky, Oversize, Obsolescent Kindle-Substitutes /(Frank Osen,
Pasadena, Calif.)/

*SUMMER’S EVE:* Seems Unfortunate Most Misses Eliminate Reproductive
Scents. Eucalyptus? Violets?? Ewwww! /(Rob Huffman)/

*PAYWALL:* Please Allot Young Woodwards A Little Lucre /(Ben Aronin,
Arlington, Va.)/

*THE EMPRESS:* These Humor Entries: Excellent – Merit Prizes! Rest:
Enter Sewage System. /(Matt Monitto) /

*Still running — deadline Monday night — is our “joint legislation”
contest featuring the members of the First Congress (1789-91). See
bit.ly/invite1028. *

/See the Empress’s online column The Style Conversational
, in which she discusses
today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser
Community — and you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries,
since you no doubt figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d
like an e-mail notification each week when the Invitational and
Conversational are posted online, write to the Empress at
losers@washpost.com (note that in the
subject line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook,
join the far more lively group Style Invitational Devotees
and chime in there. /

*Next week’s results: ‘Might’ Makes Ink, * or *The Hint Parade,* our
Week 1026 contest, which sought jokes in the form of “You might . . . /
if . . .”

© The Washington Post Company

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