Week 1026: ‘Might’ makes ink

*You might be too much of a cat person if . . . *

*You might be spending too much time at work if . . . *

*You might need to do some shopping if . . . *

*You might want to cut back on the coffee if . . . *

*You might be humor-impaired if . . . *

For the past few months, the Empress has been posting a Style
Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook — either
a single classic entry as a graphic meme, such as this one,e one
pictured here, or as a mini-list of a few entries from one contest.
Recently she shared some entries from Week 752, which sought jokes in
five categories

of the venerated “you just might” form (“You just might need a new car
soon if every 3,000 miles, you change the duct tape” — Chuck Smith), and
decided that she just might want to mine this lode again. *This week:
Give us a joke using any of the templates above* (you also have the
option of using the form “If ... you might ...” if your joke seems to
work better that way).

Winner gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the Lincoln-statue bobblehead that is
the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the
distinguished noodly headwear donated by and modeled here by 225-time
Loser Dave Prevar. Because Dave was concerned about appearing too
conservatively dressed at the Losers’ Flushies awards last month, he
also donned a Loser T-shirt, which for many years was awarded to Invite
runners-up.

*Other runners-up *win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug

or the ardently desired Grossery Bag
.
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet
.
First Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink
for their first ink). E-mail entries to /losers@washpost.com
/ or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, July 1; results published July 21 (online July 18). No more than
25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 1026” in your e-mail
subject line or it might be ignored as spam. Include your real name,
postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and
guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules . This
week’s honorable-mentions line is by Beverley Sharp. Join the lively
Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev
./

*Har Scrabble: *

*More honorable mentions from Week 1021, in which we presented 100 “tile sets” of seven letters each from the
ScrabbleGrams feature that appears daily in The Post, and asked you to
come up with your own terms (all the tile sets were designed to generate
only six-letter words).

We got so many neologisms for this contest that
we’re running them over two weeks. (See the first group in the June 9
Sunday Style section or online at bit.ly/invite1025.)






/AUETCPN:/ *Capenut:*One of those weirdos who go to superhero movies in
costume. /(Ellen Ryan, Rockville, Md.)/
●*Pacenut:* The driver who just has to stay ahead of everybody else on
the Beltway. /(Michael Jacobs, Columbia, Md.)/
●*Puce-tan:*Still an improvement over drugstore bronzer. /(Daniela
Ganelin, Rockville, Md., a First Offender) /

/OIYLZTG:/ *Yoglitz:* The extra junk that turns a healthy snack into a
diabetic overload. /(Hugh Pullen, Vienna, Va.)/

/EEITDCP:/ *Peedict:* “Kids, you /will/ use the bathroom before we all
get in the car.” /(Mark Richardson, Washington) /
●*Deceipt:* Supporting material normally included when filing an expense
form. /(John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.) /

/AAIOSRV:/ *IRS-ova:* The jumbo-size eggs the agency is laying this
year. /(Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.) /

/AALTSMP:/ *Malt-pas: *At the whiskey tasting, drinking right from the
bottle. /(Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)/

/AAOYBLP:/ *Polybaa:* Synthetic wool. /(Charley Noel, Lake Frederick,
Va., a First Offender)/

/AAYTHSS:/ *Asshay:* To walk in a very provocative manner. /(Dan O’Day,
Alexandria, Va.)/
*● Assathy:* Common trait of an uncaring jerk. /(Jeff Contompasis,
Ashburn, Va.)/

/AEEUSRF:/ *Surfee: *The person you just spent two hours Googling.
/(Michael Jacobs) /
●*Seafru: *A line of transparent swimwear. /(Nancy Israel, Bethesda, Md.)/

/AEIOGWT: / *Egowait:* The time spent on the couch while your boss
finishes playing solitaire. /(Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.) /
●*Ewtoga:* What a Roman is wearing when he wakes up on the floor the
morning after the bacchanal. /(Denise Sudell, Cheverly, Md.)/

/AEIURPB: / *AirBeUp: *Half of the pilot’s mnemonic, followed by
GroundBeDown. /(Edmund Conti, Raleigh)/
●*Beaur:* A plain swain! A ho-hum him! A lame flame! Really, he’s just
valentiresome. /(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)/

/AEOOHLM:/ *Hamoo:* Hybrid lunch meat. /(Joy Sibley, Fairfax, Va.)/
●*Mohelo: *Hawaiian for “thank you for circumcising my son.” /(Stephen
Dudzik, Olney, Md.) /
●*Hamoleo: * Lard. /(Jeff Contompasis)/

/AEOVFRL:/ *Rovelaf:* Mwahh-hahh-hahh. /(Seth Tucker, Washington) /

/AAEUTNP:/ *PeaTuna:* A flower with a flagrant aroma. /(John Kustka,
Prince Frederick, Md.) /
*●Putane:* Gas given off by Your Mama. /(Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.) /

/AEUZNRB: / *Unzebra:* An equine with black-and-black stripes. /(Edward
Gordon, Austin) /

/AIDLMSD:/ *LSDmaid:* Lucy. /(Steve Dantzler, Gaithersburg, Md.)/
●*Madlims:* There once was a man from ____ (place name) / Who liked to
__ (two-syllable verb) in a _____ (noun that rhymes with place name) . .
 . /(Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.) /

/AILNBRT: / *Bra-lint:* Victoria’s less interesting secret. /(Hugh Pullen)/
●*Bran-lit:* The selection of reading material you keep handy when your
high-fiber cereal kicks in. /(Jeff Shirley, Richmond)/
●*Brat-nil:* They dispensed with euphemisms for this new brand of
contraceptive. /(Lee Giesecke, Annandale, Va.) /
●*Latrin:* The speech of vulgar Romans. /(Dixon Wragg) /

/AIOADRF:/ *Afradio:* The Fearmongers FM network. /(Jeff Brechlin,
Eagan, Minn.) /
●*Afraido: * A fettuccine dish made with . . . you don’t want to know.
/(Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.) /
●*Fairdo:* Your coiffure on a middling-hair day. /(Beverley Sharp,
Montgomery, Ala.)/

/AIOCFGS:/ *Go-fisc:* What the Fed does when the money supply runs out
/(Michael Jacobs) /

/AIUKQSW:/ *Quiksaw:* Old nickname for a guy now called Lefty. /(Roger
Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)/

/AIYNHLM: / *Hymnil:* Uplifting songbook for atheists. /(Mark Raffman,
Reston)/ *
/●/ Hamily:* Grandpa’s long speech before Easter dinner. /(Michael
Jacobs) /

/AIOYFDM:/ *Fido-yam:* A euphemism for dog doo. /(Jim Lubell, Portland,
Ore.)/

/AOLDPRL:/ *Lardpol:* A practitioner of extreme pork-barrel politics.
“Not content just to apologize, that lardpol had the new sex addiction
rehab center named after himself.” /(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)/

/AYWKSON: / *Knowsy:* Describing someone who often succeeds in learning
what’s none of his business. /(Robert Schechter)
●/ *Nyawkos:* The Greek guy who owns the cawfee shop on the cawner of
59th & Sixth. /(Nan Reiner)/

*/●/ Yanksow:* Chinese pulled pork. /(Dixon Wragg)/

*/EAKLNHS:/ Sneakh: * A duplicitious Middle Eastern oil baron. /(Mark
Raffman)/
●*Shankle:* A leg-worn monitoring device. Lindsay Lohan has a
rhinestone-bedecked shankle. /(Jason Russo, Annandale, Va.)/
●*Ken-lash:* The most popular accessory for Dominatrix Barbie. /(Chris
Doyle, Ponder, Tex.; Frank Osen) /

/EEUOGRB:/ *Rogue-B:* Letter that sneaked its way into “doubt,” “subtle”
and “plumber.” /(Rachel A. Bernhardt, Silver Spring, Md.)/●*EEOGrub:* A
cafeteria where everyone, regardless of race, gender or religion, gets
the mystery meat. (/Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.)/

/EEYRSWN:/ *Newsery:* Where cub reporters are raised. /(Dave Zarrow,
Reston, Va; Mike Gips) /

/AAELRBR, EUITSNH/ and /EUUGHMB: / Gluteal-reduction firm *(Rearlab)*
that makes an ablution product *(Tushine)* for a prototypical American
customer (with a *hugebum*). /(Mike Gips)/

/Since the Empress took a week to survey her West Coast dominions, there
won’t be a Style Conversational column this week. She and the Royal
Consort visited San Francisco, were they were scheduled to have dinner
with seven Bay Area Losers, none of whom knew one another outside the
Invitational and the Style Invitational Devotees Facebook page, and
visited another in Santa Cruz. Next week’s Conversational should have
all the juicy details. /

*Next week’s results: T-minus 5-7-5,* or *Poetry in Martian, * our Week
1023

contest to write funny haiku to take on the Mars exploration craft.

© The Washington Post Company

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