The Style Invitational Week 944 Is it just me, or ...?
By Pat Myers, Updated: Friday, November 4, 6:55 AM

“Is it just me, or do other D.C. commuters talk like a pirate when the Metrorail information sign flashes ‘ARR’?”

“Is it just me, or do others feel compelled to parody the song ‘Moves Like Jagger’ with cow references? Like ‘I’ve got to moooooooooooove an udder’?”

The above musings were posted on the Style Invitational Devotees page on Facebook by Jeff Contompasis, who has blotted up 206 blots of Invite ink and was recently named Loser of the Year by his Loserly peers. Anyway, the immediate answer, of course, was: “It’s just you, Jeff.” Jeff didn’t dispute that. Instead, he wrote to the Empress and suggested a contest. This week: Give us one or more “Is it just me” questions, as in the examples above. It doesn’t have to be about something that really happened to you, but if it is, let the Empress know.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a mug for those who are dismayed by the actual tastefulness of our current Loser Mug (“My cup punneth over”): This one has a cartoon of lobsters crowded in a tank; one of them says, “Who farted?” Donated by Loser Kathy Fraeman.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). E-mail entries to or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 14; results published Dec. 4 (Dec. 2 online). No more than 25 entries per entrant per week. Include “Week 944” in your e-mail subject line or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at The revised title for next week is by Chris Doyle; this week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by Jeff Contompasis. Read and join the Facebook page at

Report from Week 940, in which we asked you to change a Washington Post headline by one letter or by punctuation or spacing, and then supply “bank head” that expanded on that altered headline:

The winner of the Inker

Just ice for a terrorist
Gitmo cooler diet gets colder (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

2. Winner of the two-foot-long Gummi snake:
Hangers headed to World Series
Texas team’s uniforms stolen en route to St. Louis (Jim Reagan, Herndon, Va.)

3. Tebow gets God as Denver’s QB
Born-again athlete persuades Almighty to sub for him in critical third-down situations [“gets nod”] (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.; Roy Ashley, Washington)

4. A smorgasmbord of oddities
The epicure’s guide to unusual aphrodisiacs (Roger Hammons, North Potomac, Md.)

Bobble heads: honorable mentions

Police investigate shooting dearth in Pr. George’s County
No gunfire reported for last two days (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

New airport scanners to identify phony IUDs
Privacy activists outraged as TSA counters novel tactic to hide explosives [“phony IDs”] (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)

Anti-sluts bill advances
Thousands of reality TV jobs at risk [“anti-slots”] (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)

NRA cancels first 2 weeks of the season
Liberals can breathe easier for a little while longer (Edmund Conti, Raleigh)

Prince Harry Land in California
At new theme park, you’re always second in line [“Prince Harry lands.?.?.”] (Dori Moura, Chico, Calif, a First Offender)

What to eat after your ruin
A dumpster-diving guide for the new economy [“after your run”] (Dixon Wragg, Santa Rosa, Calif.)

Some Dulles abuses old, unreliable
TSA agrees to develop new ways to annoy passengers [“Dulles buses”] (Jeff Hazle, Woodbridge, Va.)

The fruits of sandal in D.C.
Local farmers’ markets now sell homemade toe jam (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)

Mexican drag cartels reach into Belize
10 metric tons of man-size stiletto heels, feather boas smuggled along coast (Ernst Mayer, Cupertino, Calif., a First Offender)

Copper heft widely reported
Doughnut-heavy diet takes toll on D.C. police [“copper theft”] (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

GOP rebate in New Hampshire
Special tax cuts for Republican candidates cause controversy [“debate”] (Samuel Aaron, Newton, Mass.)

Local hoarding tsk forces aim to get sufferers the help they need
Teams of trained finger-waggers visit cluttered homes (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)

Can electric cats actually save electricity?
Scientist touts feline-rubbing as a low-cost energy source [“electric cars”] (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, Va.)

Congress approves 3 traded Accords
Used Hondas are part of limo-downsizing move [trade accords] (Jeff Loren, Manassas, Va.)

Roasted feet salad
Sophisticated dish complements blue cheese. [“beet salad”] (Jeremy Porto, Navarre, Fla., a First Offender)

Eagles have their backs to the ball
Coaches discover reason for team’s poor play [“to the wall”] (Robert Gallagher, Charleston, S.C.)

Coin is the GOP flavor of the month
And this is news how? [“Cain is”] (Todd Carton, Silver Spring, Md.)

Snuggled Libyan weapons flood into Egypt
‘Happiness is a warm gun,’ says Islamic Brotherhood leader (Jerry Birchmore, Springfield, Va.)

The best private bonk in North America
Discreet service now available for visiting Brits [“private bank”] (Barrie Collins, Long Sault, Ontario)

Nigerian accused of trying to blow up planet
Justice Dept. denies engaging in prosecutorial overreach (Chris Doyle)

Pest doesn’t save lives, task force says
Superhero status not approved for Grammar-Correcting-Man [“test doesn’t save lives”] (Gary Crockett)

Washington area office gleaners consider a strike
Workers demandbetter grade of pens to pilfer [“office cleaners”] (Stephanie Weldon, Silver Spring)

Many Israelis unhappy with Hams prisoner exchange
‘What are we going to do with these?’ ask both sides (Dixon Wragg)

Florida governor sings death warrant
Rick Scott shows off karaoke skills (Chris Doyle)

Alien has $1.8 million in bank for Va. Senate race
‘The truth about Area 51 tell you I will,’ Tea Party favorite promises. (Jeff Brechlin)

Company finds slip filled with silver
CIA upstages FBI in new investigation of Leslie Johnson [“finds ship”] (Mike Gips)

Woods in danger of missing 2nd straight nut
Nordegren’s lawyer negotiated extremely severe divorce terms [“2nd straight cut”] (Roy Ashley)

NBA players ready for long battle with downers
Extended lockout portends switch from steroids to depressants [“with owners”] (Chris Doyle)

Still active after all those dears
At age 85, Hugh Hefner carries on (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Check out, banking options
WellsAmeriCitiChase buys up all remaining competitors (Jeff Loren)

At Smithsonian Archive Fair, treasure from the slacks
Experts appraise items found in dead relatives’ pants pockets [“from the stacks”] (Dave Prevar, Annapolis, Md.)

Get answers to your questions about mental implants
Help Big Brother help you (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

And last:

Donate your czar: 100% tax deductible; free pick-up
Empress gets request for used-up Style Invitational stuff (Beverley Sharp)

Next week: They don’t say, or Cite gags