Week 844: Healthy choice


Town hall: A forum in which American citizens may air their views in the hallowed tradition of democracy.

Town hell: What we got this year. (Week 800)

As the raging-like-strep health care debate shows little prognosis for recovery anytime soon, we thought we'd use that robust option for the theme of this year's annual retrospective contest.

This week: Enter any Style Invitational from Week 790 through Week 840 (except for Week 793, which was the same contest for the previous year, and Week 798, the obit poems, since we'll be asking for them soon). There are two restrictions -- preexisting conditions, if you will: (1) You may submit only one entry per contest (so you can still send 49 entries, if you want to make us sigh in exasperation). (2) And each entry must pertain in some way to health care or health care policy. Don't make us deny your claim to ink.

You may refer to events that have occurred since the contest was printed; for contests that ask you to use The Post from a certain day or week, use today's or this week's. You can find all the contests at http://www.washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives -- just in time, for once -- a lovely "Scream Christmas" necktie depicting the Edvard Munch icon doing his/her thing, but wearing a Santa hat (see slideshow to the right). It's really, um, colorful! Gotten rid of by 145-time Loser Beverley Sharp.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 7. Put "Week 844" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Dec. 19. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Jeff Contompasis; this week's honorable-mentions name is by Craig Dykstra.

Report From Week 840, in which we sought contemporary phrases for life's situations.

As usual in autumn, Washingtonians often turned their thoughts to their beloved football team. (These entries were written before last Sunday's win, but we're afraid they're still pretty valid.)

The Winner of the Inker

Returning the Favre: Exacting revenge on your ex-employer. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

2. the winner of the giant flamingo-shaped pen:

Dining with the King: Grabbing a Whopper Jr. from the dollar menu. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)

3. Playin' the Redskins: Sure to score. "When Janet typed her number into his cellphone, Tony knew he was playin' the Redskins." (Craig Dykstra, Centreville; Ira Allen, Bethesda)

4. Kicking your heels up: Visiting the gynecologist. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

Crawling under the bar: Honorable Mentions

Flossing the piano keys: Obsessing about cleanliness. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)

Tweeting for Godot: Putting out incessant Twitter posts to zero followers. (Chad Pridgen, Marshall, Va.)

Forgetting your Yiddish: Paying retail. (Rick Haynes)

Maverwrecking: Making a name for yourself while dragging everyone else's through the mud. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Reinventing the spork: Redoubling your efforts on a lost cause. (Craig Dykstra)

Taking the Skins and the points: Throwing your money down the toilet.(Russell Beland, Fairfax)

Getting waterlooed: Sitting down on the toilet in the dark and finding the seat is up. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Beating the wrap: Managing to open a CD. (Ken Gallant, Conway, Ark.)

Zorning it: Accepting any and all degradations from an incompetent and/or egomaniacal boss, as long as the paychecks keep coming. (Chad Pridgen)

Shouting AFLAC: Having your ideas completely ignored in a business meeting. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Putting in your Delhi order: Calling tech support. (Chris Doyle)

Forecasting a wintry mix: Providing advice that's so vague you won't be blamed for the outcome. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Giving him the Nobel: Heaping praise on someone you hope will be worthy of it one day. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.; Mark Richardson, Washington, a First Offender)

Giving your seat to Buddy Holly: Barely escaping disaster. (Chuck Smith)

Recapping: For many guys, "doing" their hair in the morning. (Kevin Dopart)

Aardvarking: Working to get your name moved to the top of a list. (Barry Koch)

Third-and-inches at FedEx: A hopeless situation. (Russ Taylor)

Riding out the Strom: Waiting for someone to, um, retire. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Burning the ice cream: To attempt something not worth doing -- and screw it up. (Jean Traub, Alexandria, a First Offender)

Makin' coffee in Springfield: Going naked. (Craig Dykstra)

Falcon around: Pulling a hoax. (Craig Dykstra)

Bachmanning: Opened one's mouth and had something gross and embarrassing spew out: "I Bachmanned all over my new shirt." (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

Fondling the porcupine: An action benefiting neither the giver nor the receiver. (Jim Noble, Lexington Park)

Outing Dumbledore: Providing irrelevant background information. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)

Dry-cleaning the blue dress: Trying to get over a relationship. (Russell Beland)

Preventing swine flu: Playing hooky from school or work. (Russell Beland)

Marrying Liz Taylor: Showing a total lack of originality. (Russell Beland)

And Last: Changing the fonts: The new "rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." (Russ Taylor; Steven King, Vienna; Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

Next Week: Food for Naught, or Queasine