Week 843: Prefrains


Hey, who left these golf clubs over here?
Whose woods these are I think I know . . .

Here's a (possibly) new contest for the Invite, suggested by Hall of Fame Loser Kevin Dopart, whose name, according to the Losers' own official statistics, happens to anagram to "Deviant Pork": Provide a sentence or two of lead-in to the first line of a well-known book, poem or (don't worry, you can play, too) song, as in the example above. We're going to be somewhat flexible on what constitutes the first line of a song; if there's an introductory verse that nobody sings, for example, we might be willing to ignore it.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives -- just in time for the canapes at your most formal holiday party -- the Voodoo Doll Toothpick Holder pictured in the slideshow at right, thanks to 1,382-time Loser (is that redundant or what?) Russell Beland and his son Adam, who has five blots of ink himself.

This just in: One of last week's First Offenders has decided that we should no longer call him Alexander Ring. He wants us to call him Ring Alexander. We will (since the latter is his name), but only if he calls us Empress The.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 23. Put "Week 843" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Dec. 12. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Dave Prevar; this week's honorable-mentions name is by Tom Witte. For his contest idea, Kevin wins a can of Pu-Erh organic tea, donated by Les Greenblatt.

Report from Week 839, in which we asked you to make up "portmanteau words," or a word in which two existing words overlap by two or more letters. The words had to start with A, B, C or D.

Frequently submitted: Abracadabrassiere: The Wonderbra. And many, many variations on "balloony" to describe the Heene family.

The winner of the Inker

Buttheadbutt: A Limbaugh-Olbermann shouting match. (Patricia Casey, McLean)

2. the winner of the super-secret CIA, NSA and DIA coffee mugs: Disasterisk: A footnote in Metro's annual report. (Elise Jacobs, Silver Spring)

3. Algebrassiere: 36A + 10K = 36D. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)

4. Anecdoddering: Losing your place halfway through a story 'bout the good old days. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)

Portmanteauverflow: Honorable Mentions

Crapplause: A polite but unenthusiastic expression of approval. (Dion E. Black, Washington, a First Offender)

Audibleed: The sound-level setting at a heavy-metal concert. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

Bimboudoir: The back seat of the car. (Michael Seaton, Bowie)

Accidenture: Putting one's foot in one's mouth. (Craig Dykstra)

Detroitus: What's left of a once-great city. (Craig Dykstra)

Beersatz: Miller Lite. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Cerrata: A list of mistakes in the 2009 edition of the Redskins. (Russell Riley, Charlottesville, a First Offender)

Circumspectorate: To spit when no one's looking. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

Artifactory: A place that makes "ancient" objects. (Ron Averyt, Severn)

Coffeeble: A decaf latte with skim milk. (Larry Yungk)

B-flatulence: a low note tooted on a bassoon. (Peter Metrinko, Gainesville)

Beggarrison: A platoon stationed at the Metro exit. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Allegrope: A quick move at the cellist. (Larry Miller, Rockville)

Alcoholiday: Rehab. (Sneha Kannan, Cambridge, Mass.)

Benignominious: What a little white lie is. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

Continnuendo: Gossip. (Kevin Dopart)

Argumenstrual: I have no idea what this means, dear. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)

Blasphemousse: Cool Whip. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Academythology: Get a degree, you'll get a job. (Jim Noble, Lexington Park)

Bygonerds: People who knew how to use a slide rule. (Grace Gray, Bethesda, a First Offender)

Asinineteen: How to describe the doofball who's dating your daughter. (Carl Zirkle, Frederick, a First Offender)

Buxomniscient: Never failing to notice any blouse within eye range. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Diaperiscope: A finger dipped into the Huggie to see if it needs changing. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

Bootstrapscallion: John Edwards. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)

Correctum: A hemorrhoid operation. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

Corrodeo: The senior circuit for rusty riders. (Dave Prevar)

Charlatanned: Bottle-bronzed. (Christopher Lamora)

Debutantalizer: That fetching young thing at the country club. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Agitaters: Protesters at a town hall meeting in Idaho. (Christopher Lamora)

Ancestorment: Thanksgiving dinner with the extended family. (Steve Offutt, Arlington)

Atrophy wife: Future ex-wife. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

Butterance: The audible aftermath of dinner at Ben's Chili Bowl. (Morris Davis, Gainesville)

Bar mitzvamoose: A Jewish boy who forsakes religious training at the age of 13 years and 1 day. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

Biass: Glenn Beck. (Kevin Dopart)

Don Juannabe: A wishful wastrel. (Tom Witte)

Behemother: The hideous monster lurking within all parents, just waiting for someone to indicate that our children might be less than perfect. (Erik Wennstrom, Bloomington, Ind.)

Desperadonis: A GQ model after his first wrinkle. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Aphroditty: Just an old-fashioned love song. (Christopher Lamora)

Baraconteur: One who speaks skillfully while saying nothing. (Craig Dykstra)

Defrauditor: Bernie Madoff's accountant. (George Vary, Bethesda)

Brainstorment: When you can't remember that great idea you just came up with. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)

Alcoholier-than-thou: Carrie Nation. (Mae Scanlan; Chris Doyle)

Comparisonny: A reference to the old days and ways. "Back when I was a kid, young man ....." (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

Congressmanipulator: A lobbyist. (Martin O'Connor, Round Hill, Va., a First Offender)

Acornhole: One idiot employee who screws up an entire organization. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Cowabungalow!: The yell of exhilaration when you finally find a house you can afford. (Stephen Dudzik)

Crotchkes: Souvenir panties. (Craig Dykstra)

Diarrhetoric: A speech that runs and runs. (Kevin Dopart)

And Last: Bloodsportmanteau: Taking this contest way too seriously. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)

Next Week: Frittering away the neurons, or Phrases we're going through