Week 832: Clue Us In


1 Across: HUBRIS: Cocky mohel's flaw

Sorry, we're no longer going to have an annual backward-crossword contest -- in which you supply one or more clues for the words in a filled-in grid. We're going biannual, thanks to Bob Klahn of the CrosSynergy puzzle syndicate, who wrote us asking if he could please please please make a puzzle just for The Style Invitational. (The renowned Paula Gamache will once again contribute her puzzle in a few months.) As usual, it's more important for the clues to be funny than to fit crossword conventions; for instance, you don't have to signal wordplay by ending the clue with a question mark -- otherwise almost every clue would have one. Still, as for a crossword, the clue needs to match the part of speech; if the word is a singular noun, the clue can't refer to a plural verb. Offer as many clues as you like, but be concise, because we're cramped more than ever on this page. Please say which word the clue is for; don't just write "36 Down."

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the recently awarded Superfly Monkey slingshot toy, regifted by Lois Douthitt, who ended up -- we swear this was not engineered -- winning the prize she donated to us. (The Empress let her have a mug instead.)

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, Sept. 8. Put "Week 832" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Sept. 26. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte; this week's Honorable Mentions name is by Chris Doyle.

Report From Week 828, in which we asked you to make puns on the names of groups (such as music groups), organizations or companies.

As usual with pun contests, there's a high groan factor here.

The Winner of the Inker

Swansong Dinners: Healthy frozen entrees for those final Death Row meals. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)

2. winner of the the notecards with images of ancient aroused-warriors art: The National Sympathy Orchestra: For when the Salvation Army decides that one bell-ringer just isn't enough. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)

3. J. Crüe: For the preppy hard-rocker. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

4. Chick-feel-A: A spinoff of Hooters where the clientele gets to grab the waitresses. (Nancy Lawrence, Annandale, a First Offender)

The Business Drecktory: Honorable Mentions

Who makes the tightest jeans on the market? Le Vise! (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)

Fiends of the Earth: The National Association of Strip Miners, Seal Clubbers and Old Dump Truck Drivers. (Vic Krysko, Surat Thani, Thailand)

LensGrafters: We attach contacts permanently to your eyeballs. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Deere John: Break up in style with our goofy dump-a-grams delivered on lawn tractors! (Craig Dykstra)

What store specializes in bagels, doughnuts and Life Savers? Hole Foods! (Roy Ashley, Washington; Dave Zarrow, Reston)

Burlington Moat Factory: Classic home security systems. (Craig Dykstra)

The Washingtn Natinals: Who Needs the O's? (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

Hannity Fair: Also known as Oxymoron Monthly. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Incontinental Airlines: On our planes, all the seats are toilet seats. (David Kleinbard, Jersey City)

L.L. Bran: Clothing for the "active" senior. (Craig Dykstra)

Ku Klutz Klan: When they tried to set a cross on fire, they set their robes on fire instead. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

Playtext: The first bra that comes with a built-in phone: Sending a message has never been so much fun! (John Shea, Lansdowne, Pa.)

What's the name of that new prosthetic supply house? Hands' End! (Charles Koelbel, Houston)

Chef Boyar-D-minus: Pasta in a can. (John Shea)

On what planes do they still call the flight attendants "stewardesses"? On Leerjets! (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)

Confidential Airlines: Want to hike the Appalachian Trail in Buenos Aires? We'll get you there! (Charles Koelbel)

Phasebook: Keeping you wasting your time until the next big thing comes along. (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)

Where's the best place to shop for high-water pants and short-sleeve dress shirts? Nerdstrom! (Elise Jacobs, Silver Spring, a First Offender; Stephen Dudzik)

Boing Aircraft: Safest planes on the market with their patented rubber fuselage. (Dave Zarrow)

What PR firm has the best spinmeisters? Whirlpol! (Dave Zarrow)

Where can I outfit my survival bunker? Have you tried Fear 1? (Elise Jacobs)

Congressional Fudge-It Office: "If you don't like our cost assessment, we'll change it." (James Noble, Lexington Park)

Bang of America: A nationwide chain of brothels. (Craig Dykstra)

Wells Neargo: Local deliveries only. (Vic Krysko)

Dead Mobster: Where you can eat fish with the fishes. (Yuki Henninger, Vienna)

The Boston Rude Sox: "Stop asking us about steroids, you #@&*{$181}%!!!" (Cy Gardner)

Loins Club: It's a, um, service organization. (Chris Doyle)

Next Week: Limerixicon 6, or Di-Odes