*Week 826: The Inside Word*


Ou"thou"se: That little shed behind the Quaker meeting hall. /(Jennifer
Hart, Arlington)/

S"laughter": Stop! You're killing me!

/(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)/

Di"agnostic"ian: This doctor is just not sure what you've got. /(Steve
Fahey, Kensington)/

Here's a contest we've done more than once, but not in eight years:
*/This week: Take any word -- this may include the name of a person or
place -- put a portion of it in quotation marks and redefine the
word/*/,/ as in the examples above from 2001, all by renowned Style
Invitational Losers. Important note: Notice how hard it would be to
understand those three jokes if the quotation marks weren't there.
That's what makes this contest different from another one we do
regularly, the one to supply a new definition for any existing word.
This time, the pun shouldn't just jump out at you.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second
place receives a Superfly Monkey, a stuffed animal whose arms, when you
fit the tips of your fingers in its little hands, form the rubber band
of a slingshot. Pull back and it sails through your yard, office,
classroom, church aisle, etc., emitting a highly annoying scream.
Discourtesy of newbie Loser Lois Douthitt. You can see a commercial for
the thing at http://buysuperflymonkey.com.

*/Other runners-up/* win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or
Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style
Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air
"freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per
week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com
or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, July 27. Put "Week 826" in the subject line of your e-mail or it
risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and
originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post.
Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published
Aug. 15. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington
Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes.
Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable
Mentions name is by Beverley Sharp; next week's revised title is by
Kevin Dopart.

*Report From Week 822*, in which we asked for exhibits and events that might be part of a
Festival of Real American Folklife, in tribute to the Smithsonian
Folklife Festival, held earlier this month:/

*The Winner of the Inker*

Today's Still Life, Tomorrow's Abstract: Tattoos and how they change
over time. 1:30 p.m.: From Cute Little Cleavage Butterfly to Giant
Drooping Winged Something. /(Wayne Rodgers, Satellite Beach, Fla.)/

2. /the winner of the/ /Mustard Marvin gross-out squeeze bottle topper:
/


Old-Time Postal Methods: Dressed in 20th-century garb, reenactors affix
stamps to envelopes with saliva. /(Tom Lacombe, Browntown, Va.)/

3. Ski Mask Knitting, with Moms of Liquor Store Robbers. /(Vic Krysko,
Suratthani, Thailand)/

4. Dad Stories: A revue of stories told by fathers from across the
country. Repeated every five minutes. All day. Every day. /(Elizabeth
Molyé, Arlington)/

*Folk Lower: Honorable Mentions*

The All-American Automobile Trip: Participants drive slowly up and down
Independence Avenue, where road rage experts will demonstrate hand
gestures, aggressive driving maneuvers and abusive language. /(Lois
Douthitt, Arlington)/

Today in the Vanishing Arts tent: 11 a.m. Slide rule crafting; 12:15
p.m., buggy whip making; 1 p.m.: newspaper reading. /(Ken Gallant,
Conway, Ark.)/

Rust Bucket Displayin': The art of showing off old cars. With workshops
on cinder block selection and proper weed arrangements. /(Wayne Rodgers)/

American Summer Camp Craftwork: A giant Popsicle stick made of Popsicle
sticks. /(Katie Maddocks, Royal Oak, Mich., a First Offender)/

Hall of 15 Minutes of Fame: At 2 p.m., a special appearance by the
Octomom. /(Marcy Alvo, Annandale)/

Weaving Techniques: Native suburban drivers discuss how to negotiate
high-speed lane changes. /(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)/

Kindergarten Cuisine: Edible crafts made of dried macaroni,
marshmallows, jelly beans, M&M's and paste. /(Charles Koelbel, Houston)/

Lawn Mower Artists: On the central Mall, suburban males create such
patterns as "The Baseball Outfield," "The Crop Circle" and the
ever-controversial "Confederate Flag." /(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)/

1 p.m. Turn City Wastelands Into a Garden. Preceded at 12:30 by the
Create a Wasteland workshop (spray paint and glass bottles available for
purchase). /(Vic Krysko)/

Fifty Years of the GSA, and Counting: The highly distinctive
occupational culture of requisitions and procurement. To apply for
tickets, submit Form SI-4329 in triplicate. /(Jim Deutsch, Washington, a
First Offender who actually works for the Smithsonian Folklife Festival)/

Radio-Free America: Aluminum foil headwear in U.S. cities. /(Kevin
Dopart, Washington)/

American Uptalking: It's like this totally random thing where everyone
is like 20 years old? And all they do is go on a stage and just talk
like normal? And all these old folks are standing and watching and
looking so totally confused? /(Larry Yungk, from Geneva)/

Satellite venue at the Tidal Basin: Personal-watercraft slalom racing
around the paddleboats, in three skill levels -- four, six and eight
beers. /(Dave Prevar, Annapolis)/

Profiles in Furrage: The craft of black-velvet painting. /(Jeff
Contompasis)/

Real American Authenticity: Brush clearin', pickup drivin',
intellectualism eschewin' and stuff. /(Charlie Wood, Falls Church)/

American Mating Rituals: Volunteer festival attendees are randomly
paired, regardless of age, sex, interests, etc. Sponsored by The
Washington Post Magazine, which hopes to improve the success rate of
Date Lab. /(Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)/

Fishermen of Three Mile Island: Come shake their hands, all three of
them. /(Russell Beland, Fairfax)/

*Next Week: Wryku,**or **Bad News to Verse*