Week 823: Wryku
Gotta get us some
Ping-Pyongyang diplomacy:
Kim Jong Il has nukes.
It's really pretty much the Twitter contest everyone's been asking for, with an extra challenge. This week: Compose a humorous (or at least wry or clever) haiku -- which, for the purposes of this contest (don't write in to complain that we're misusing the term), we'll define as a three-line poem with five syllables in the first line, seven in the second line and five in the third -- on any subject that's been in the news lately. You may add a title to it.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a package of 20 It's Happy Bunny "happy sticks" of incense, "because your room smells like butt." It does not promise what your room will smell like after burning the incense: presumably less buttlike. Donated by Peter Metrinko.
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 6. Put "Week 823" in the subject line of your e-mail or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published July 25. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Chris Doyle; the revised title for next week's contest is by Elden Carnahan.
Report From Week 819, in which we showed you these six drawings and asked you to tell us what they really were.
Half a dozen people saw Drawing E as the backstage view of the Rockettes taking a bow, while many figured that Drawing C depicted a newfangled bread-baking machine, complete with pop-up timer, and Drawing D was the planned speedway for the Indianapolis 5.
The Winner of the Inker
Drawing E: The one thing that drove Mr. Centipede nuts: his wife's pantyhose draped over the shower rod. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
2. the winner of the Pee Bag "disposable in-car mini-toilets": Drawing D: Well, of course Tic Tacs are low in fat: They jump rope! (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)
3. Drawing D: Paparazzi prove that Gene Simmons uses tongue extensions. (Ned Bent, Oak Hill)
4. Drawing E: A giant hot dog fails to hide behind a white picket fence. (Vic Krysko, Suratthani, Thailand)
Second Glances: Honorable Mentions
Drawing A
Vincent van Gogh's kindergarten art assignment, "What I Want to Look Like When I Grow Up." (Mario Roederer, Bethesda, a First Offender)
As Bozo sat for his official portrait, he had the feeling that maybe wearing the beanie AND the weird ear cuff was a bit too much. (Mike Ostapiej, Tracy, Calif.)
Leia and Spock's love child was in for a rough time on the playground. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
Before he grew a fin, Pavarotti loved his hula hoop. (Jay Shuck)
Drawing B
A runway model displays the new burqa-and-leggings look. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
With a North Korean rocket, the capsule sits below the engines so the astronaut can reach out and light the fuse. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)
After years of tinkering, Carl finally perfected the helium-filled plumb bob. (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)
A morningwood tree. (Ned Bent)
The Bermuda Triangle swallows yet another kayak. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
Evidence mounts that Christmas tree farms boost growth by spraying with Viagra. (Martin Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.)
Drawing C
The most successful invention of Albert Gore Sr. (Tom Lacombe, Browntown, Va.)
My office's analog server. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)
Even with one leg missing, the sheet-metal turkey was a Thanksgiving favorite. (Jay Shuck)
Every few months, whenever there is a general strike, the French raise the drawbridge on the English side of the Chunnel. (Andrew Hoenig)
It's a mailbox without a post, signifying that people don't get The Post delivered anymore. So it's a visual metaphor for the death of print journalism. I'm pretty sure this is right, because I got the answer from Wikipedia. (Brendan Beary)
Drawing D
Mister Ed in a bike helmet. (Riley Holzberlein, Fairfax, a First Offender)
Alaska's latest highway project: the Off-Ramp to Nowhere. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)
An ombo, the middle section of a trombone. (Bob Reichenbach, Middletown, Del.)
Drawing E
Paul McCartney insisted that the keyboard used on "Ebony and Ivory" have equal numbers of black and white keys. (J. Larry Schott, Gainesville, Fla.)
In an effort to pull in a few more bucks, Dan Snyder repainted the parking lines at FedEx field. (Andrew Hoenig)
Only a Double Grand Master Balloon Artiste would even attempt the dreaded Millipede. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
A white Hummer with a black grille drives through the snow, simultaneously running over a polar bear, harp seal and arctic hare.
(J. McCray, Hyattsville)
The smile of the Cheshire Baleen Whale. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
(Upside down) A sumo wrestler's toast rack. (Vic Krysko)
A new subdivision: the Townhomes at Stonehenge. (Sue Lin Chong, vacationing in Honolulu)
The cast of "America's Next Top Model" carrying a canoe. (Bill Verkuilen, Brooklyn Park, Minn.)
Octomom's family tree. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
Drawing F
Many people do not realize that the security bollards around the White House are easily removed. (Andrew Hoenig)
A rook from Lawn Chess Darts: The game ends with checkmate, stalemate or stabmate. (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)
Aretha made sure that her hat would never fall off again. (Tara Hagenbrock, Herndon, a First Offender)
The "Remembering Cap," an unapproved enhanced interrogation technique. (Charles Koelbel, Houston)
The magician will never forget the time the rabbit couldn't hold it until the end of the act. (Lee Dobbins, Arlington)
Nicole Richie loved her new hat, but wondered if it wasn't a bit out of proportion to her current frame. (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
I get one of these 50-foot-tall eyesores in my back yard every time someone Googles my address! (Elliott Schiff, Allentown, Pa.)
All Pictures Combined
Hey, that's my freakin' PIN number! -- Prince, Minneapolis (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
Next Week: Be Mister Language Person, or The Ailments of Style