Week 821: Spit the Difference


An elderly Labrador retriever is like Saturn: Both take about 29 years to take a walk around the neighborhood.

-- Maraschino cherries on a hamburger

-- The entire nation of Latvia

-- A Buckingham Palace guard

-- An elderly Labrador retriever

-- Third base at Nationals Park

-- The redesigned Facebook home page

-- One Somali pirate

-- Six Somali pirates

-- A poison ivy vine

-- The 2012 presidential campaign

-- Saturn

-- Someone named Kaytlynne

-- The Social Security number of Todd Davis, CEO of LifeLock

-- 24 straight games of Tetris

Once again, a random list of items drawn from a handy collection of warped cranial matter. This week: How are any of the items on the list above alike or different?

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives four denture-shaped ice cube molds, discourtesy of Adam and Russell Beland. "No one will 'accidentally' take your beverage again," the package promises. It cries out for new cocktail names: the molartini?

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 22. Put "Week 821" in the subject line of your e-mail or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published July 11. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name was submitted by both John O'Byrne and Michael Reinemer; the revised title for next week's contest is by Russell Beland.

Report From Week 817, in which we asked you to split a word exactly in half (the middle letter of an odd-numbered word could be assigned to either half); reverse the order of the halves; and define the resulting word. As predicted, the best Flopflips were related in some way to the original word. Note that the hyphen in this week's winning word isn't where it Flopflipped.

The Winner of the Inker

OMG-lo: Chat-speak to describe a lack of excitement in life. (Erik Wennstrom, Bloomington, Ind.)

2. the winner of the book "Paper Airplanes With Dollar Bills": Juanamari: A slurred, later regretted proposal uttered while under the influence. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

3. Chopsy: Norman Bates's childhood nickname. (Brett Shoelson, Arlington)

4. Bleca!: Common sound of revulsion upon reading 500 channels' worth of TV listings. (John C. Feltz, Fairborn, Ohio)

Ablenot: Honorable Mentions

Gerswin: Composer of many overtures. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)

Roombar: Cleaning robot that circles randomly before losing its contents in the corner. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)

Le tab: The only thing presented at a three-star French restaurant that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

Merecash: The difference between a sweater and a really nice sweater. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)

Inpa: the dad who brags that he's "jiggy with that." (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Agegarb: What a 15-year-old wears to look older and a 35-year-old wear to look younger, and both end up looking skanky. (Kelley Bielewicz, Newark, Del., a First Offender)

Act-red: To do Soviet-style editing. (Hugh Pullen, Vienna)

Icantmend: A laid-off tailor reduced to panhandling. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Herenow: A backwater that claims to have "arrived," when it's touting its classy new seafood restaurant, Red Lobster. (Brendan Beary)

Dow-win: A breath of fresh air. (Marsha Harvey, Falls Church, a First Offender)

Dupoisavoir: An appreciation for Rubenesque women. (Deborah Guy, Columbus, Ohio)

Eymon: Traditional greeting by a Jamaican panhandler. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

Ackbar: the point at which right-wing hatemongers choke on their own bile. (Kelley Bielewicz)

Flypop: Common occurrence at the annual Playboy Bunny Softball Tournament. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)

FUSECON: The new military effort to combine DEFCON and REDCON statuses. (Steve Offutt, Arlington)

Gagemort: A loan carefully calculated to be paid off just before you die. (Jim Newman, Luray, Va.)

He's: Not what you think he is. (Jacob Aldridge, Gaythorne, Australia)

Icpub: A seedy bar known for its crabs. (Steve Offutt)

Inbra: Where a guy's mind goes when he sees a hot chick. (May Jampathom, Oakhurst, N.J.)

Cess-suc: The current state of your once-thriving business. (Mary Ann Henningsen, Hayward, Calif.)

Koldcuc: To strike another with the lowest blow of all. (Tom Witte)

Lardol: A government-issued stimulant made with pork. (Stephen Donnelly, Falls Church, a First Offender)

Hermot: Woman who stays home, never goes anywhere, never does anything, just takes care of her rotten ungrateful kids. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Insta: Spot on a child's clothing that appears immediately upon being donned. (Randy Lee, Burke)

Tonbut: Someone who's about to bust his britches. (Gary A. Clements, Bethesda)

Mode.com: Your online source for fine bathroom furnishings. (Mike Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)

Ivan Min: Feckless brother of "The Terrible"; lives in the Moscow suburbs with his wife, three kids and dog. (Craig Dykstra)

Type-T: A chronic nitpicker. (Craig Dykstra)

Racylite: Porn for Beginning Readers. (Sylvia Betts, Vancouver, B.C.)

Risesurp: The bile that fills your throat when something totally nasty suddenly occurs. (John O'Byrne, Dublin)

Sippi-missis: Old Man River's alcoholic wife. (Kelley Bielewicz)

Sure Lei: Vacation in Hawaii. (William Bradford, Washington; Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Bierflab: We're gonna need a bigger casket. (Chris Doyle)

Uretort: "Water" boarding. (Patty Hardee, Flint Hill, Va., a First Offender)

Toostat: Hasty decisions with a permanent impact. (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)

Ensenons: Meaningless flipflopped words. (Dave Prevar)

Ink BO: Loser pheromones. (Mike Ostapiej, Tracy, Calif.)

Test-con: Getting away with a pseudonymous entry. (Inkev Artdop, Kuzcek, Kazakhstan)

Le Sty: Where your "amusing" entries really belong. (Chris Rollins, Cumberland, Md.)

And Last: Lastand: A final, feeble, futile effort. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)

Next Week: Name the Day, or Mock Your Calendars