Week 819: Art Re View
These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? (When we did a contest like this the first time, in 2001, numerous entrants wrote in to inform us that the drawings depicted a stick of butter, a keyhole, etc.)
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives, from Thailand, a three-pack of Pee Bag "disposable in-car mini-toilet," donated by 84-time Loser Larry Yungk, who thinks you should notice that there is no hyphen between "disposable" and "in-car."
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 1. Put "Week 819" in the subject line of your e-mail or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published June 27. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name was sent in by lots of people; the revised title for next week's contest is by Chris Doyle.
Report From Week 815, in which we honored Loser Tom Witte and his 1,000 blots of ink with his favorite kind of contest, neologisms -- and this one was for words containing a W, an I, two T's and an E.
Not surprisingly, Tom himself churned out entries for this contest by the dozen, even from the remote mountaintop where he was hiking: 179 in all, and many were terrific. By the way, his name is pronounced, natch, Witty.
The Winner of the Inker
Wattleship: A seniors cruise. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
2. winner of the light switch plate featuring a picture of Michelangelo's sculpture of David: Iwishsetter: Imaginary best friend. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
3. Twinebriated: Seeing double. (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
4. Westwingnut: A president you didn't vote for. (Mark Eichorn, Arlington, a First Offender)
Half Wittes: Honorable Mentions
Twentiming: Keeping 19 mistresses. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
Trystworthiness: The degree to which someone can be counted on not to kiss and tell. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Whactivate: How to get your old TV to work. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Retrowitted: Thought of a clever comeback too late, but included it when recounting the incident to someone else. (Tom Witte)
Twilite: Sunset over Los Angeles. (Janet Lacey, Arlington)
Twitterboarded: Drowned in tweets. (Peter Segall, Arlington, a First Offender)
Weltiest: Richest person in Brooklyn (Vic Krysko, Suratthani, Thailand)
Whineternet: The blogosphere. (Tom Witte)
Tightwed: To get married in the Costco parking lot and invite the guests to nosh on the free samples. (Dave Ferry, Key West, Fla.)
Tithewad: Someone who skimps at the collection plate. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly; Dave Prevar, Annapolis)
Typewrither: Carpal tunnel victim. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)
Mittwife: a person specially equipped to deliver very large babies. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
Bidwetting: Excessive reaction to winning an auction on eBay. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)
Muttwipes: Moistened towelettes for the fastidious dog walker. (Chris Doyle)
Stwiptease: Dance performed by Gypsy Rose Fudd. (Mike Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)
E-twit: Anyone who can't be bothered to read the messages I send, even though it should be obvious that they're important, what with their arriving every 10 minutes or so. (Russell Beland)
E-twit: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw: Fw:Fw: Fw:Fw:Fw: LOL, OMG!!! (Chris Rollins, Cumberland, Md.)
Bawdysitter: A nice lady who'll take care of you. (Tom Witte)
Weight-Out: If only there were this kind of correction fluid! (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)
Kwitter: Someone who finally wises up to the fact that nobody's waiting breathlessly for a bulletin about what he's having for lunch. (Craig Dykstra)
Intewition: The sneaking suspicion that you're going to lose the spelling bee. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)
Toiletdew: A euphemism for seat splatter. (Kevin Dopart)
Dweebilitate: To give someone a wedgie. (Tom Witte)
Twitterocracy: The rule of thumbs. (JL Strickland, Valley, Ala.)
Witteboarded: Tortured by incessant punning. (JL Strickland; Dave Prevar)
Tri-twenties: What sexagenarians like to be called these days. (Tom Witte)
Taupe-White: The $5 special at the tanning salon. (Russell Beland)
Notwinter: In Minnesota, the season consisting of July and August. (Pam Sweeney)
Cryptwriter: Obituary reporter. (Craig Dykstra)
www.ItTastesLikeChicken.org: The definitive authority on weird meats. (Russell Beland)
Wetti: The Abominable Rainman. (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)
Winkette: Sarah Palin's new political blog. (Chris Doyle)
Two-tired: How your wife feels after the second child is born ("Sorry, honey, I'm just two-tired"). (Anne Paris, Arlington)
Counterwait: Mechanism that guarantees every elevator is on the 20th floor when you're on the first. (Russ Taylor)
Swine tots: Pork McNuggets. (Chris Doyle)
Titlewax: Cosmetic repairs to that junker you're trying to unload. (D.L. Williams, Rockville)
Acqwitted: Found innocent of any sense of humor. (Tom Murphy, Bowie)
Theirwithal: A pile of other people's money (see bailout). (Craig Dykstra)
Louisvuittowne: Where the bag people in Beverly Hills live. (Russ Taylor)
Bittershrew: What your wife will turn into if she doesn't get a diamond tennis bracelet. -- R. Mervis, Washington (Pam Sweeney)
Next Week: Googillions, or Cache Phrases