Week 818: Name the Day
February is Sinus Pain Awareness Month:
For those who aren't aware their sinuses hurt.
On this Memorial Day weekend, we celebrate a holiday that brings forth a mix of emotions, from sorrow to gratitude to the joy of the imminent summer. On the other hand, the host of other "special" days, weeks and months determined by various interests -- National Oatmeal Month, say, or National Mole Day -- prove most inspiring in their potential for mockery. Ta-da! This week: Cite an actual holiday or one of these silly commemorative days, weeks or months for which you can find previous evidence, and supply a snarky description or slogan. There are fruitful lists online at http://emotionscards.com/locations.html and http://aware.easilyamused.org, but we'll accept other finds as well, especially if you can point the Empress toward your source.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets a pack of genuine $3 bills depicting John Kerry with his finger up his nose and, on the back, the Eiffel Tower, in some sort of right-wing screedy humor presumably dating from 2004. Donated by the never-screedy Beverley Sharp.
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 1. Put "Week 818" in the subject line of your e-mail or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published June 20. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's contest was suggested by Russell Beland. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Kevin Dopart; the revised title for next week's contest is by Tom Witte.
Report From Week 814, in which we asked you to breed "grandfoals" from the winning horse names from Week 810.
Another year, another outstanding crop, although it must be conceded that many excellent entries referred to the, er, digestive system. (See a lengthy list of foals "sired" by Restraining Ordure online at http://www.washingtonpost.com/styleconversational.)
The Winners of the Inker
Criminal in Tent x Lookn Mighty Fat = Osama Been Lardin' (Jennifer Rubio, Oakton; Lois Douthitt, Arlington, a First Offender)
2. the winner of the can of horse-shaped chocolates and the souvenir Kentucky Derby glass: Mr. Sulu x Cop a Feel = The Final Frotteur (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
3. Moonlight Snotter x And That's Why = The Keys Stick (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
4. Misha Impossible x Pinot Envy = No Vin Situation (Tony Arancibia, Falls Church, a First Offender)
And They're Off: Honorable Mentions
Abracadabrat x Chauvinist Pig = David Copafeel (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Abracadabrat x Don Larceny = Robin Hoodini (May Jampathom, Oakhurst, N.J.)
An Aye for an Aye x Buttinski = Annoy for Annoy (Chris Doyle)
And That's Why x In Arrears = Raison D'ebt (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)
And That's Why x I Saw France = PatentLeatherShoes (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
Boston Scrod x Criminal in Tent = Mass. Murder (Jan Brandstetter, Mechanicsville, Md.)
Buttinski x Nope, Not Torture = Just a Colonoscopy (John Kustka, Prince Frederick)
Chauvinist Pig x Cop a Feel = Lose a Hand (J. Larry Schott, Gainesville, Fla.)
Criminal in Tent x Lookn Mighty Fat = Criminal in Muumuu (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
Cop a Feel x Nope, Not Torture = Nice Rack (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville; Mark Eckenwiler)
Creepy Cruller x Cop a Feel = Mister, DoNot! (Pam Freedman, McLean)
Creepy Cruller x Dentist the Menace = Lil Shop of Ho Hos (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
Criminal in Tent x One Nightstand = Aidin' N Abeddin' (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)
CYA x I See France = VPL (Andrew Hoenig)
CYA x Surely Temple = Keep Your Pantheon (Mark Eckenwiler)
Dead Giveaway x A Jeté All the Way = Corpse de Ballet (Jonathan Paul)
Dentist the Menace x Nope, Not Torture = Drill, Bybee, Drill (Chris Doyle)
Dentist the Menace x Sherman's Lagoon = Jaws (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)
Don Larceny x Criminal in Tent = Stealing Home (Sam Laudenslager, Burke; Bob Reichenbach, Middletown, Del.)
Donut Pass Go x Sociopathetique = Eclair de Loon (Chad Pridgen, Marshall, Va.)
Fly Me a River x Sociopathetique = In Seine (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney; Pam Sweeney)
In Arrears x Good Knight Moon = Goodbye House (Harvey Smith, McLean)
In Arrears x Wobbly = Inner Ears (Bill Smith, Bethesda, a First Offender)
Jewels Verne x Creepy Cruller = 20,000 Legs (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)
Jewels Verne x Pinot Envy = Pearls Before Wine (Christopher Lamora, Arlington; Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Knight Who Says NY x In Arrears = Booty Giuliani (Andrea Kelly, Brookeville)
Knight Who Says NY x Moonlight Snotter = NY Quil (Carol Ann Linder, Arlington, a First Offender)
Knight Who Says NY x Maim = Saxon Violence (Kathy Hardis Fraeman)
Knight Who Says NY x I See France = Sir Glancealot (Jonathan Paul; Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
Kona Silence x Lookn Mighty Fat = Java the Hutt (Stephen Gilberg, Washington)
Kwai Baby x Lookn Mighty Fat = Guinness Stout (Harvey Smith; Rick Haynes, Potomac; Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Lookn Mighty Fat x Dentist the Menace = Drew Caries (Ross Elliffe, Picton, New Zealand)
Lookn Mighty Fat x CYA = Retire That Speedo (Erik Wennstrom, Bloomington, Ind.)
Lookn Mighty Fat x Chauvinist Pig = Bulk Male (Mark Eckenwiler)
Maim x Pinot Envy = John Wine Bobbitt (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.; Beryl Benderly, Washington)
Maim x Fly Me a River = Cripple Creek (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)
Meet Michelle x Fly Me a River = FLOTUS (Harvey Smith)
Nickel Returned x Buttinski = Hindquarters (Emily Contompasis, Ashburn, a First Offender)
Nope, Not Torture x And That's Why = Because I Said So -- R. Cheney, Undisclosed (Russell Beland; Jeff Loren, Manassas, a First Offender)
One Nightstand x Wobbly = Mr. ED (Martin Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.)
Pinot Envy x I See France = Burg-undies (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
Restraining Ordure x Creepy Cruller = Dung N Donuts (Dave Zarrow, Reston)
Restraining Ordure x Criminal in Tent = Public Enema No. 2 (Chris Doyle)
Sir Pheromonal x Misha Impossible = Secrete Agent (Kevin Dopart)
Sociopathetique x Meet Michelle = The Unobama (Chris Doyle)
Yes We Kant x Bedtime for Bozo = Categorical Imp (Kevin Dopart)
Forget Mike x And That's Why = No Ink Again (Mike Ostapiej, Tracy, Calif.)
Next Week: Wittecisms, or Tominology
Style Conversational online entries:
Restraining Ordure x Jewels Verne = Binding Nemo (Andrew Hoenig)
Knight Who Says NY x Restraining Ordure = Doody Giuliani (Andrea Kelly)
Fly Me A River x Restraining Ordure = Gotta Let Go (Jim Newman)
Surely Temple x Restraining Ordure = GoodShipLollipoop (Rick Haynes)
Surely Temple x Restraining Ordure = GoodShitLollipop (Roy Ashley)
Restraining Ordure x Seat of the Pants = Runs for the Roses (Peter Metrinko)
One Nightstand x Restraining Ordure = Table's Craps (Stephen Gilberg)
Abracadabrat x Restraining Ordure = Voodoodoo (Mae Scanlan)
Restraining Ordure x I see France = Mon Dieu-Dieu (Barry Koch)
In Arrears x Restraining Ordure = Passed Doo (Pam Sweeney)
Restraining Ordure x CYA = Dungarees (Mae Scanlan)
Restraining Ordure x Tang N Cheek = Diaper Rash (Tom Witte)
Restraining Ordure x Bedtime for Bozo = No Sheet (Ellen Raphaeli)
Restraining Ordure x Pinot Envy = Crapulous (Harvey Smith)
Jewels Verne x Restraining Ordure = Jasper Johns (Harvey Smith)
Restraining Ordure x Kona Silence = Omerda (Harvey Smith)
Restraining Ordure x All We Like Sheep= Poobaa (Ellen Raphaeli)
Mr. Sulu x Restraining Ordure = Spock Piles (Kevin Dopart)
Restraining Ordure x In Arrears = Irregularity (Kevin Dopart)
Don Larceny x Restraining Ordure = No Shitter (Chuck Smith)
Surely Temple x Restraining Ordure = The Little Colon (Chris Doyle)
Mr. Sulu x Restraining Ordure = Starfleet Enema (Chris Doyle)
Restraining Ordure x An Eye for an Aye = Montezumas Revenge (Chris Doyle)
Restraining Ordure x CYA = Paper Moon (Mark Eckenwiler)
Criminal in Tent x Restraining Ordure = Con Stipated (Mike Hammer)
Restraining Ordure x One Night Stand= Turd Base (Phyllis Reinhard)
Richard Roundtree x Restraining Ordure = Richard the Turd (Mae Scanlan)
Dead Giveaway x Restraining Ordure = Inturd (Mae Scanlan; Ellen Raphaeli)
Restraining Ordure x Kona Silence = Taciturd (Tom Witte)
Restraining Ordure x Nope, Not Torture = The Turd Degree (Chris Doyle)
And ... Knight Who Says NY x Restraining Ordure = Turdy Turd & Turd (Rick Haynes)