Week 805: Bad Product Names


1. A bad name for a new beauty product.

2. A bad name for a new Web site.

3. A bad name for a new candy bar.

4. A bad name for a new college.

5. A bad name for a new fast-food restaurant.

This week: Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). It's easy to write entries for a contest like this -- writing good entries is another story -- and when we did the same contest 11 years ago with different categories, we got a reported 40,000 entries. That's too many for one Empress to judge. So: No more than 10 entries per category. If you send more, we'll just stop reading after the 10th.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a vintage roll of toilet paper with pictures of Jimmy Carter on it, courtesy of the otherwise courteous and dignified Loser Beverley Sharp.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air "freshener" (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 2. Put "Week 805" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published March 21. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Kevin Dopart; the revised title for next week's results is by Beverley Sharp. We were reminded of the 1998 version of this contest (Week 263) by Russell Beland, who never forgets anything related to The Style Invitational.

Report From Week 801, in which we asked you to supply questions, "Jeopardy"-style, for any of 12 pretty much random phrases.

As you'll see, the contest was announced the weekend after the inauguration.

4 A. Ferret booties. Q. According to a recent poll, what are most male ferrets interested in, way ahead of "good ferret personality" and "good ferret sense of humor"? (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

3 A. The best Washington Monument topper. Q. What is a scaled-down version of Aretha Franklin's inauguration hat bow? (Kevin Mellema, Falls Church; Mike Anderson, Billings, Mont.)

2 the winner of the gross-out toy harmonica: A. Oops, that was a typo. Q. What phrase has no teen ever texted? (Russ Taylor, Vienna)

And the Winner of the Inker

A. They forgot this Cabinet post. Q. Why did President Obama and his advisers get a good talking-to from Marian Robinson, the First Mother-in-Law? (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

What Could Have Been Worse? Honorable Mentions

Because he is an idiot: According to his psychiatrist, why does Rod Blagojevich display such erratic behavior? (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Why does a male think he can outsmart a female? (M. Lilly Welsh, Oakton)

Orange, but not purple: What was Stanley Kubrick's response when asked why he wouldn't adapt an Alice Walker novel? (Ed Gordon, Georgetown, Tex.)

How is William III of England different from Fox's Bill O'Reilly? (Russ Taylor)

What's a good color for an orange? (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, N.Y.)

A wasabi-and-jelly sandwich: What's better than a mercury-and-salmonella sandwich? (Kevin Dopart)

What exactly was it that Bush 41 barfed at the Japanese state dinner? (Howard Walderman, Columbia)

Is there anything that sells less well at Benihana than its butterscotch sashimi? (Russell Beland, Fairfax)

What is the first challenge on the popular Japanese game show "Super Sexy Fire Tonsils Hernia Hour"? (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

What is the traditional home remedy for a low-blood-sugar diabetic with sinusitis? (Andrea Kelly, Brookeville)

Oy. So I invite this shiksa to seder with the mishpocha, and what meshugeh thing does she bring instead of horseradish and charoset? (Marc Leibert, Jersey City)

Remote control rabbits: In the future, who will die to detect the presence of robot fetuses? (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

How is The Post trying to cut costs for rural home delivery? (John Mulholland, Heathsville, Va., a First Offender)

What did Bill Gates give his children to ensure that they developed a relationship with nature? (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

What are i-hops? (Martin Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.)

What, because of an unfortunate miscommunication, now read the Torah in Disneyland's Temple of Tomorrow? (Russell Beland)

Why you should never say "bless you": What did the English spy learn when he responded too hastily to der Fuehrer's sneeze? (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

What lesson do Rep. Anna 8Eshoo's interns learn the first day on the job? (Kevin Dopart)

Because you're not the freakin' pope, are you? (Tom Witte)

They forgot this Cabinet post: Our sideboard dumped all our shelves of china into a broken heap last night. What's wrong with it? (Russ Taylor)

Aretha Franklin's swimsuit: What's another reason inaugurations are not held in the summer? (Dave Zarrow, Reston)

What could all the Sports Illustrated models fit into at once? (Dave Prevar, Annapolis; Patrick Mattimore, Gex, France)

Aside from bailout money, what is another definition of TARP? (Sanford D. Horn, Alexandria)

What has more yardage than the Redskins' offense? (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

What required more of a stretch than "Mission accomplished"? (Peter Ostrander, Rockville)

What does Kirstie Alley hope to be able to fit into by summer? (Lee Dobbins, Arlington)

Either Topeka or Yemen: When Ben turned the wheel on "Lost" and the island "moved," where did it go? (Chad Pridgen, Marshall, Va.)

If the Gitmo detainees click their sandals together three times upon their release, where will they end up? (Howard Walderman)

Where did you park when you went to the inauguration? (Don Kirkpatrick, Waynesboro, Pa.)

Who will get senators of their own before D.C. does? (Ira Allen)

After informing President-elect Obama that Blair House was not available, what other options did Bush suggest for pre-inaugural housing? (Irving Shapiro, Rockville)

Where do local leaders require that science be taught from holy books? (Kevin Dopart)

Where would our president be now if his name were Barack Obama Hussein? (Bridget Goodman, Philadelphia, a First Offender)

The best Washington Monument topper: What is bald eagle poop? (Phyllis Reinhard)

What is the Eiffel Tower? (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

What is a flashing neon "Going Out of Business" sign? (Lawrence McGuire)

Oops, that was a typo: What words do you not want to hear while getting a blood transfusion? (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.; Barry Koch)

How did Fox News explain a news crawl saying "Islamo-fascist arrives at White House to begin reign of terror"? (Marc Naimark, Paris)

Wow, does that headline say, "Wizards Win Two in a Row"? (Cy Gardner)

The Post's upcoming new feature: What is the Tic-Tac-Toe Puzzle? (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

What is Tim Geithner's Tax Tips? (David Garratt, Glenn Dale)

What is Obituary Jumble? (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

What is Today's Schadenfreude? (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Ferret booties: Why did the sequel to "Alvin and the Chipmunks" get a PG-13 rating? (Andrea Kelly)

What do they make with Joe Biden's old hair plugs? (JL Strickland, Valley, Ala., a First Offender)

With what do you secure a ferret boo? (Bruce W. Alter, vacationing in Port St. Lucie, Fla.)

Next Week: DreckTV, or DespiCable