Week 796: Sincerest Flattery
Pink Freud -- Rock-group therapist: "Sometimes a guitar is only a guitar." (Chris Doyle, Jan. 3, 2000)
WWW.B.YEATS -- "I will arise and go now, and log on to Innisfree." (John O'Byrne, Dublin, Jan. 3, 2000)
As part of our recent series of tributes to (a.k.a. thefts from) the late New York Magazine Competition, we offer up another shot at one of its final installments, from 2000. It was suggested to us by 94-time Loser John O'Byrne of Dublin, who by pure coincidence happened to get ink in that particular contest, along with fellow NYM alum Chris Doyle. This week: Make a pun on a familiar name of a real or fictional person and provide a fitting description or quote, as in the New York Magazine examples above.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets a three-piece beautification set, once again from our anonymous donor in Oman: It consists of Hip Up Cream (with before-and-after photos of a saggy butt), Pink Nipple Beauty Cream and Touch Me Please Breast Enlarging Soap. The directions are in Thai. (The soap may require implantation for effectiveness.)
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air freshener (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 29. Put "Week 796" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Jan. 17. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by John O'Byrne.
Report From Week 792, our third annual desecration of a crossword puzzle created by Eternal Good Sport Paula Gamache, who even helped choose the winner and Losers among the clues that replaced her own.
Once again, we chose the funniest entries rather than insisting on one per word, so we have two or more clues for some words and skip others entirely. A few clues require some mental gymnastics; if one isn't immediately clear, try pronouncing the letters another way. For instance, AMMO is "morning routine." As in your A.M. MO. See? Go have some more coffee. We'll wait.
ACROSS
1. BABA: Swedish band after its breakup (Barry Haldiman, Lenexa, Kan., a First Offender)
5. OPEDS: Snakes, worms, fish, etc. (many entries)
10. ABED: Gave a penny tip (Michael Baker, Columbia)
The winner of the Inker: ABED: Where men lie most (Judith Cottrill, New York)
14. ODED: Deceased Irishman (Stephen Gold, Glasgow, Scotland)
ODED: How Keats urned a living (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)
15. NOLIE: The practice by Washington, but not IN Washington (Larry Yungk, Arlington)
16. MONO: Yoko's French father (Barry Haldiman)
18. ALEXA: A-Rod after Madonna is done with him (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station; Jon Graft, Centreville)
19. MRES: Where General Mills might see some military action (Steve Becker, Berwyn, Pa., a First Offender)
MRES: Phonetic whodunits (Vic Fleming, Little Rock; Frank Parente, Falls Church, a First Offender)
MRES: El Salvador bodybuilding championship (Bruce Alter)
20. COLORDIVISION: Something legal only in a laundry room (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
23. SCENEI: When the black guy dies (Bird Waring, Larchmont, N.Y.)
28. DEBT: She's 20th in line at the cotillion (Bob Klahn, Wilmington, Del., a First Offender)
DEBT: Chit happens (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
31. NOOGIE: Skullmuggery (Chris Doyle)
33. DISTRESSCRACK: "I have split ends," in Brooklyn (Barry Haldiman)
DISTRESSCRACK: Thong chafe (Mel Loftus, Holmen, Wis.)
36. BRED: Hemingway diary entry (Jim Lubell, Mechanicsville, Md.)
40. DELIVERYDIVAN: Casting couch, nine months later (Craig Dykstra, Centreville; Michael Kilby, Wildau, Germany, both First Offenders)
DELIVERYDIVAN: Davenportage (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
47. MFA: Rahm Emanuel's grade in debate class (Ira Allen, Bethesda)
MFA: Oedipus's 12-step group (Jeff Brechlin; Tom Bruner, Sterling, a First Offender)
48. UAR: Texting retort: "I no __ but wot m i? (Michael Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)
55. DISPELLING BEE: A buzz-killer (Tom Witte; Steve Becker)
62. IOWA: Sioux for "Huckabee's 15 minutes" (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)
IOWA: Seattle suburb named for a moon of Jupiter (Christopher Lamora)
IOWA: Why I hate to play poker with Vanna White (Steven Alan Honley, Washington)
65. VEAL: A minor beef (Pete Kaplan, Charlotte, N.C.; Russell Beland, Fairfax)
66. ANNA: Number between 1 and 2 -- L. Welk, Heaven (Jay Shuck)
ANNA: Santa for naughty Texans (Yoyo Zhou, San Francisco)
67. DONHO: Cry heard at the Godfather Hunt (Cy Gardner, Arlington)
Third runner-up: DONHO: Put a model train on your head (Barry Haldiman)
68. ESTS: What D.C. and the Boss both have (Tom Glynn, Falls Church)
DOWN
1. BOSCS: Politically correct way of commenting on a "nice pair" (Kevin Dopart, Washington; Bird Waring)
2. ADHOC: What a good transcriber does when someone spits (G. Smith, New York)
3. BEALE: Drunk's fervent wish upon finding a flask of yellowish liquid in the gutter (Jennifer Rubio, Oakton)
6. POLI: The most irritating kind of tics (Yoyo Zhou)
Second runner-up: POLI: Old man's grip (Steve Becker)
7. ELEV: Knievel after a crash (Barry Haldiman)
9. SEASONS: Roe (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
10. AMMO: Morning routine (George Vary, Bethesda)
AMMO: Tough love (Bird Waring)
13. DOS: Outnumbered in the Ten Commandments (Judith Cottrill)
21. REDS: McCain didn't take enough of them (Hugh Pullen, Vienna)
27. PEKE: What Chaucer would sneke (Patrick Smith, Baltimore, a First Offender)
29. BRER: Buffalo, compared with Miami (Beverley Sharp, Washington )
30. TEVYE: Zero with five (Steve Becker)
32. ORCA: Extra in a Tolkien scene (Danny Bravman, St. Louis)
ORCA: First words of a Christmas carol about a Victrola (Christopher Lamora; Russ Taylor, Vienna)
33. DELTADAWN: The 11th hour on the runway (Jon Graft)
34. IDIO: W minus T (Dean Evangelista, Rockville)
41. VOUS: Another round of Seagram's, garçon! (Kevin Dopart; Patrick Merrell, Mount Vernon, N.Y., a First Offender)
42. ELAPSED: Cockney obit (Ken Kaufman, Derwood)
43. ISAIDSO: "Come again? What follows fa?" (Patrick Merrell; LuAnn Bishop, West Haven, Conn.)
44. VENN: Russian debt collector's succinct greeting (John O'Byrne, Dublin)
49. RETRO: Something in polyester that costs more than $50 (Barbara Turner)
53: NEWAT: Buddhist temple in suburban Angkor. (Christopher Lamora)
NEWAT: Redesigned @ (Patrick Merrell; John O'Byrne)
56. IDEA: Cause for cerebration. (Chris Doyle)
57. LOIN: What youse do at Brooklyn Tech (many entries)
LOIN: The Earl of Worcestershire, Sir _____ (Steve Becker)
58: LOCH: One slice of smoked salmon (Michael Baker; Todd Carton, Wheaton)
First runner-up, winner of the horrible tabletop Santa thing: LOCH: Goes with a quay (Jon Dixon, North Chelmsford, Mass., a First Offender)
59. CHA: You, to Sarah Palin (Patrick Merrell; Leonard Williams, Fort Wayne, Ind., a First Offender)
CHA: What they teach at half-price day at Arthur Murray (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
Next Week: Take the Fifth, or For Repeat's Sake