Week 795: Stimulate Us


Since it's just not quite showy enough, top off the new Capitol Visitor Center with a dome.

It's such a feel-great idea: Get the economy rolling again by having our government spend lots of money on stuff we really need right away, creating jobs that will leave us with said stuff. Sure, repairing bridges, building schools, etc., make sense, we guess. But we'd like to hear your ideas, too: This week: Tell us what the government ought to be spending our money on. It ought to go without saying, but you'd be surprised: This is a humor contest. We are looking for funny ideas, not rants or policy proposals.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place gets -- as time runs out -- the Official Bush Countdown Clock, which includes a digital timer counting down to Jan. 20, 2009, plus a sizable analog clock featuring screedy cartoons about the outgoing administration. Donated at the last minute here by Roy Ashley.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air freshener (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec. 22, as if you had nothing else to do this week. Put "Week 795" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Jan. 10. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Beverley Sharp; this week's Honorable Mentions headline is by Kevin Dopart. The Royal Consort suggested this week's contest and example.

Report From Week 791, in which we asked you to create chains of 20 names, each name relating somehow to the next, and beginning and ending with Chris Doyle of Ponder, Tex., the delightfully clever wordsmith who recently blotted his 1,000th Style Invitational ink.
Some of the links on Chris's name refer to his globe-trotting ways, his Defense Department career, his success in the New York Magazine Competition and of course his vaunted sexual prowess. Although the Empress puzzled her way through more than 10,000 name links, she's pretty sure you wouldn't want to read any more than these below.

4. Chris Doyle; the Globetrotters; the Globe Theatre; Shakespeare; "Hamlet"; "Spamalot"; Lady of the Lake; the Laker Girls; Jack Nicholson; "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"; Britney Spears; Lance Armstrong; Lou Ferrigno; Bruce Banner; "The Star-Spangled Banner"; Fannie Flagg; Foggy Bottom; Phileas Fogg; "Around the World in 80 Days"; Chris Doyle. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)

3. Chris Doyle; Department of Defense; War Department; World War I; the Pillsbury Doughboy; Mary Poppins; Julie Andrews; "Victor/Victoria"; Victoria's Secret"; "Chantilly Lace"; "Cagney and Lacey"; "Yankee Doodle Dandy"; Derek Jeter; Bo Derek; 10 Downing Street; Gordon Brown; Queen Elizabeth; the British Empire; the Empress; Chris Doyle. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)

2. winner of the second funny hat from Beijing:

Chris Doyle; Christopher Reeve; Superman; Mr. Mxyzptlk; "Say My Name"; Destiny's Child; Destiny Hope "Miley" Cyrus; Hannah Montana; Helena Rubinstein; Max Factor; Planck's Constant; "Quantum of Solace"; Agent 007; Q; Minnesota Fats; Chubby Checker; Oliver Twist; Charles Dickens; "A Christmas Carol"; Chris Doyle. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

And the Winner of the Inker

Chris Doyle; Richard D'Oyly Carte; René Descartes; Sam-I-Am; Henry VIII; Queen Mary; Penelope Cruz; Penelope Pitstop; "Gasoline Alley"; Frank King; "Kid Charlemagne"; Steely Dan; Fagin; the Artful Dodger; Fritz Kreisler; John Ford; Liberty Valance; Gen. William Draper; Christo; Chris Doyle. (Brendan Beary; Great Mills)

Chump Chains: Honorable Mentions

Chris Doyle; New York; the Yankees; A-Rod; Rodney Dangerfield; Aretha Franklin; Cab Calloway; the Cotton Club; Andrew Card; Rahm Emanuel; Immanuel Kant; James Caan; Robert Duvall; Boo Radley; Alger Hiss . . . (Randy Lee, Burke)

. . . Sen. Jim Webb; Spider-Man; Peter Parker; Sarah Jessica Parker; Mr. Big; William Hung; Simon Cowell; Neil Simon; "The Odd Couple"; Siegfried and Roy; the Detroit Tigers; Al Kaline; SALT; "A Farewell to Arms"; Venus de Milo . . . (Chris Doyle)

Chris Doyle; Arthur Conan Doyle; Conan the Barbarian; Arnold Schwarzenegger; "The Terminator"; Dr. Kevorkian; Hunter S. Thompson; Las Vegas; Wayne Newton; Isaac Newton; Isaac Hayes; "Shaft"; John Holmes; "Sex and the City"; Manolo Blahnik; Willie Shoemaker; "Equus"; Catherine the Great; the Empress; Chris Doyle. (Beth Morgan, Palo Alto, Calif.)

Chris Doyle; Roddy Doyle; Izaak Walton; Sam's Club; Alley Oop; Kirstie Alley; Ted Danson; "Dancing With the Stars"; "Stars and Stripes Forever"; O.J. Simpson . . . (Michael Schechtman and Karen Leichtnam; Silver Spring, First Offenders)

. . . Marlon Brando; "Last Tango in Paris"; Land O'Lakes Butter; Lake Titicaca; George Carlin . . . (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Chris Doyle; Doyle McManus; the Los Angeles Times; "Modern Times"; Charlie Chaplin; Father Mulcahy; "Mashed Potato Time"; Dee Dee Sharp; Cleopatra's Needle; Elias Howe; Isaac Bashevis Singer; "King of the Fields"; Irving Fields Trio; "My Yiddishe Mama"; Sophie Tucker; Forrest Tucker; Nottingham Forest; Robin Hood; Chris O'Donnell; Chris Doyle. (Ed Petrick, Arlington, a First Offender)

. . . Joe the Plumber; Gayle "Obama Is an Arab" Quinnell; the Mighty Quinn; Manfred Mann; Grizzly Man; Brendan Beary; Chris Doyle. (Michael Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)

Chris Doyle; Texas; Paris; Musée d'Orsay; Tommy Dorsey; Frank Sinatra; Capitol Records; Nelson Riddle; Lord Nelson; Lady Hamilton; Hamilton Burger; Perry Mason; Perry Como; Lake Como; Rome; the Vatican; the Pope; Jesus Christ; God; Chris Doyle. (Stephen Gold, Glasgow, Scotland)

. . . Tiny Tim; Jacob Marley; Bob Marley and the Wailers; Greenpeace; "Green Acres"; the Hooterville World Guardian; The Washington Post; Chris Doyle. (Russell Beland)

Chris Doyle; Dietz & Watson; Ball Park Franks; Nancy Sinatra; "Puss in Boots"; Pussy Galore; M; Ray Kroc; Steve Irwin; Steve McQueen; Freddie Mercury; Interplanet Janet; "Rufus Xavier Sasparilla"; Coke; Colombia; Argentina; Madonna; Jesus; Kriss Kringle; Chris Doyle. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)

Chris Doyle; Popeye Doyle; "Sailor Moon"; the Who; Woodsy Owl; Smokey Bear; Jackson Weaver; "Tapestry"; Carole King; Charles Dickens; Harry Reems; Mark Felt; The Washington Post; the New York Post; "Ragtime" . . . (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)

. . . Red Bull, Ferdinand, Munro Leaf, Marilyn Monroe, Andy Warhol, Campbell Soup, Bowl America, Amerigo Vespucci, Meriwether Lewis, Clark Kent, Chris Doyle. (Nancy Israel, Bethesda)

Chris Doyle; Ponder, Tex.; the Brain; Mickey Mouse; Mickey Rourke; "The Wrestler"; Vince McMahon; Ed McMahon; Jack Nicholson; Chinatown; Roman Polanski; Julius Caesar; Cassius; Muhammad Ali; Evander Holyfield; Vincent van Gogh; "The Potato Eaters"; Ireland; Limerick; Chris Doyle. (Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)

Next Week: Clue Us In, or Hot Cross Puns