Week 791: The 1K Club


Today, with his Losing entry in this week's results, the phenomenally clever wordsmith Chris Doyle becomes the second Loser to be published 1,000 times in The Style Invitational, joining Russell Beland in the Double Hall of Fame. The amazing thing is that, except for seven entries, Chris did not start playing the Invite until March 2000, seven years after the contest began. Since then, Chris has managed to amass not only vats of Invitational ink, primarily in wordplay and poetry contests, but also an incomparable 37 first-place finishes (he's been declining Inkers for years) and an even 100 runners-up. And much of this while the retired Defense Department big shot was traveling several times around the world, sending entries from Internet cafes, ferries, yak hookups, etc., along the way.

So what was Chris doing before 2000? He was a star of the fabled New York Magazine Competition, whose memory we regularly honor by stealing from it. In that spirit, we offer up this NYMag perennial contest: This week: Supply a chain of 20 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "Chris Doyle." The links can be based on a similarity between the names themselves or, better, on some humorous relationship between the two elements. For example, Chris's chain on "George W. Bush" from Week 732 finished with "Molly Pitcher, Nolan Ryan, the KKK, David Duke, Mike Krzyzewski, Carlos Boozer, A.A. Milne, Christopher Robin, Batman, Lestat de Lioncourt, Anne Rice, Condoleezza Rice, George W. Bush." That won a T-shirt. See all the Week 732 chains at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational (scroll down past that week's new contest).

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the latest in our series of Funny Hats Sent From Beijing, from Drew Bennett of West Plains, Mo., and modeled by Washington Post Scion Ava Beard (not included).

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air freshener (Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 24. Put "Week 791" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Dec. 13. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte, who has 972 inks himself. This week's Honorable Mentions headline is by Andrew Hoenig. Statistics are courtesy of Loser Elden Carnahan at www.gopherdrool.com.

Report From Week 787, in which we asked you to create words containing the letters M, I, N and E, adjacent to one another but in any order.

4. Glandmine: A teenager. (Kevin Dopart, Washington; Ira Allen, Bethesda)

3. Indeterminetable: An airline schedule. (Mike Anderson, Billings, Mont., a First Offender)

2. the winner of the first Funny Hat From Beijing:

Effeminazi: Someone who thinks gays should have equal rights. -- R. Limbaugh, the Airwaves (Roy Ashley, Washington)

And the Winner of the Inker

Jazzmine: A tea that can be enjoyed either hot or cool, but never smooth. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

UnderMINEd: Honorable Mentions

Fannie Maelstrom: The giant sucking sound of the nation's credit system going down the toilet. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

Amen-i-eat: The only grace shorter than "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub." (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Blesspheming: Damning with faint praise. (Tom Witte)

Ciao mein: An Italian stir-fry with bean sprouts, bamboo shoots and Alfredo sauce. (Roy Ashley; Dave Zarrow, Reston)

Mein chow: A German noodle dish. (Duncan Seed, Robin Hood's Bay, North Yorkshire, England)

Eminenema: A purge of old rap albums from your iPod. (Hamdi Akar, Broad Run, Va.)

Cinemoron: Someone who uses his cellphone in the theater. (Hugh Pullen, Vienna)

Deminerd: Someone who'd never think of wearing a pocket protector, but has ink spots on his shirt. (Barry Koch)

Callumnies: Those automated phone messages spreading lies about the other candidate. (Roy Ashley)

Demingle: Sidle out of a boring conversation at a party. (Hugh Pullen)

Emnityville: The locale of many a Thanksgiving dinner horror. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly; Russ Taylor, Vienna)

Meanie-me: A political surrograte who slings mud on the candidate's behalf, letting the candidate appear to be above the fray. (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)

Errmine: Fake fur good enough to fool an expert, but not your wife. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

Feeminism: Pride in prostitution. (David Garratt, Glenn Dale, whose last ink was in 1999)

Fermienah: Eh, not my type. (Frederick Mitsdarfer, Wilmington, Del., a First Offender)

Himnesia: How some women move on after a bad breakup. (Christopher Lamora, from Kigali, Rwanda)

Home-mining: Digging for coins between the couch pillows. (Alli Peterson, Newark, Del.)

Imenses: Monthly bloat. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)

In medias race: Not the best time for a pol to come out of the closet. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

Javelin-meat: Someone who stands in the wrong place at a track and field event. (Peter Metrinko)

Laramie-Not: The first decision of prospective gay honeymooners. (Christopher Lamora)

McCain-mean: Measure of nastiness in a political campaign falling somewhere between girl-with-daisy-mean and Swift-boat-mean. (Russell Beland, Fairfax)

Melodramamine: A treatment for emotion sickness. (Frank Yuen, Forest Hills, N.Y.)

Minepeeper: A program that monitors how much time employees spend playing computer games. (Dominic Nooney, Hong Kong, a First Offender)

Groinmelon: A fetus. (Tom Witte)

Minestone: A soup with added herb. (Mike Inman, Lewes, Del.)

Pheromine: A weird underarm smell that attracts you to yourself. (David Garratt)

Preminisce: To get nostalgic for something before it even happens. (Mike Inman)

Queenmirth: "We are not unamused." (Kevin Dopart)

Henmity: Misogyny. (Tom Witte)

Solemnivorous: Taking eating way too seriously. (Gary Heinze, Vienna, a First Offender)

Tenmiler: Someone who looks pretty good from waaaay back. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Minimegalomania: Grand ambition to win a runner-up T-shirt in The Style Invitational. Or a magnet, anyway. Or maybe a leftover magnet from last year. (Hugh Pullen)

Next Week: The Back End of a Bulwer, or Denouemonstrosities