Week 772: Make It Simple, Stupid


Hey, that window looks all lit up. Must be my sunny girl Juliet.

Other-Coast Loser Jane Auerbach sent the Empress a copy of a letter published in the Los Angeles Times this month in which the writer, Grant Nemirow, whined about a recent profile of a movie director: "How many Los Angeles residents under 40 (a demographic newspapers must keep and expand if they are to remain in business) know the meaning of the following words in this one article: phantasmagoria, bucolic, aesthetic, soupçon, diminution, schadenfreude, contretemps and vicissitudes?" The article with those eight stumpers ran more than 1,200 words.

Maybe Grant figures that people don't start learning long words until after age 40; more likely he's arguing that long words are some archaic form of the language, unnecessary and frankly a waste of time in the T9 Texting Two Thousands. So let's help Grant here: Translate a sentence or two of literature or other good writing so that "Los Angeles residents under 40" can appreciate it.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a genuine (if nonworking) screaming yellow Cold War era Geiger counter, of the type used to furnish fallout shelters in the 1960s. Sue Pierce of Rockville, who donated it to us, said her husband got it from a surplus catalogue after he had prostate surgery and wanted to see if he'd set it off. "Alas, no luck with that," Sue says, but happily Mr. Sue is now cancer-free.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 14. Put "Week 772" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published Aug. 2. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results was submitted by both Mae Scanlan and Brad Alexander. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Randy Lee.

Report From Week 768, in which we asked for fictitious movie trivia:

4. The Japanese flag shown in "Tora Tora Tora" was mistakenly flown upside down for the first half of the movie. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

3. "Schindler's List" was never actually filmed. -- M. Ahmadinejad, Tehran (N.G. Andrews, Portsmouth, Va.)

2. the winner of the U.S. Army promotional stress-relieving hand grenade:

Even though RKO spent $50,000 to clean up the Empire State Building afterward, the producers ultimately chose not to use the "King Kong" poo-flinging scene. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

And the Winner of the Inker

Despite its reputation, one out of seven people who saw "Gigli" actually liked it. Her name was Susan.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Grateful Just to Be Nominated: Honorable Mentions

John Hinckley was actually more impressed with Harvey Keitel in "Taxi Driver" but didn't want anyone to think he was gay. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

The first documented product placement in film history was by the Rosebud Sled Co. (Patrick Kelly, Brampton, Ontario, a First Offender)

The flying monkeys used in "The Wizard of Oz" were sold to research laboratories after the movie was filmed. (Stephen Dudzik)

Despite their classic love story that has thrilled millions, Fay Wray and King Kong actually hated each other. (G. Smith, New York)

In an extreme example of Method acting, Jack Nicholson had an actual lobotomy for the ending of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." His doctors later reversed the operation, restoring almost all function. (Jonathan Kaye, Washington)

Samuel L. Jackson once turned down a script. (Dan Hauser, Arlington, a First Offender)

"Over the Rainbow" was nearly cut from "The Wizard of Oz," but test audiences preferred it to the proposed up-tempo number called "If Miss Gulch Takes My Dog, I'll Burn Down Her Barn." (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

While "Finding Nemo" was based on a true story, in real life they were all bacteria. (Russell Beland)

For theaters in much of the Bible Belt, the 1966 film "One Million Years B.C." was retitled "Three Thousand Years B.C." (Russell Beland)

One of the elf extras in the party scene at the end of "Shrek" killed himself during filming. You can see his feet dangling in the top right corner of the screen. (Chuck Koelbel, Houston)

Because George C. Scott's slapping of the soldier in "Patton" lacked conviction during early takes, the director brought in the renowned slapper Moe Howard to coach him. (Lee Dobbins, Arlington)

"Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" was the first general-release American movie to contain the words "@$%%!!{$181}{rcub}," "&*%#@" and a certain form of "$%{$181}*#$." (Cy Gardner)

"West Side Story" was originally envisioned as a straight play set in Renaissance Italy. (Russell Beland)

Two Cary Grant facts: He never said "Judy Judy Judy" in a film. And he never wore underwear. (Cy Gardner)

Earlier drafts of the script for "No Country for Old Men" had an ending. (Cy Gardner)

In addition to dubbing Natalie Wood's singing in "West Side Story," Marni Nixon was also the voice of Richard Beymer as Tony. (John Shea, Lansdowne, Pa.)

F. Murray Abraham has said that he drew his inspiration for his role as Salieri in "Amadeus" from his deep hatred of Mozart and his music. (Victor Lee, Leonia, N.J., a First Offender)

Linda Blair won the role of Regan in "The Exorcist" over more experienced actresses because she was the only one who could rotate her head 360 degrees and projectile-vomit at will. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington; G. Smith)

Every one of Woody Allen's leading ladies has been legally blind. (Larry Yungk)

"Apollo 13" was filmed on the same soundstage that NASA used to fake the moon landings. (Russ Taylor, Vienna; Larry Yungk)

In a scene cut from "All About Eve," Bette Davis suddenly addresses the moviegoer and spits, "Theater people really do talk this way, you know." (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

The Academy Award was nicknamed Oscar after King Oscar I of Sweden, who was gold-plated. (Jacob Aldridge, Gaythorne, Australia)

The ugly child who played the part of E.T. performed without makeup. (Don Kirkpatrick, Waynesboro, Pa.)

Robert De Niro prepared for his role in "Taxi Driver" by driving a taxi in New York for six weeks. Then he killed several pimps. (Marc Leibert, Jersey City)

Howard Hughes designed Errol Flynn's cantilevered codpiece for "The Adventures of Robin Hood." (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

In "Being John Malkovich," Johnny Depp was originally cast to play Malkovich, but he had to pull out due to illness. (Kevin Dopart)

Unsure how the war in Europe would go, "Casablanca" director Michael Curtiz considered an alternative script in which Rick, Ilsa and Victor fly to Germany, fleeing French Resistance terrorists. (M.C. Dornan, Scottsdale, Ariz., a First Offender)

In the fourth "Die Hard" movie, Bruce Willis did his own smirking. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

If you listen carefully during the climactic scene of "The Natural," you can hear the ping of an aluminum bat. (Bob Dalton, Arlington)

In his first movie, "Animal House," Kevin Bacon had nothing in common with anyone else in the cast. (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg)

Early digital editing techniques were used on "Return of the Dragon" to make it appear as if Bruce Lee beat up Chuck Norris, since no one can actually beat up Chuck Norris. (Keith Waites, Frederick)

Next Week: Splice Work if You Can Get It, or Joined at the Quip