Week 767: Questionable Journalism


A. I can't believe that even a French doctor would be okay with this, and I think she's being terribly selfish.

Q. Miss Manners, do you think it's fair for my grandma to smoke an entire carton of cigarettes every day, and refuse to share any of them with me?

The Washington Post prides itself on a readership -- still numbering in the plural -- that not only peruses the paper with avidity, but also has the penetrating intelligence to question what it reads. This week: Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from May 31 through June 9 and come up with a question it might answer, as in the example above from today's Carolyn Hax column. Please cite the date and page number of the article you're using (or if you're online, copy out that section of the article).

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives the genuine idiotic beanie pictured here, found by the Empress lying in a pile of discards in the newsroom (she must start sitting up at work) and modeled here by the genuine Chuck Smith of Woodbridge, the Hall of Fame Loser whose name is more closely associated with The Style Invitational than any other, with the possible exception of Preparation H. Chuck posed with the chapeau at the behest of the Empress and at the urging of the crowd at this month's Flushies, the Losers' own awards banquet, which this year drew 70 odd (no hyphen necessary) lunchers to College Park.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 9. Put "Week 767" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published June 28. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results was submitted by both John O'Byrne of Dublin and Tom Witte of Montgomery Village. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Howard Walderman of Columbia.

Report From Week 763, in which we asked you to breed grandfoals, so to speak, from the winning foal names of Week 759:

5. Best in Shoe + Don L'Arson = Prada the Yankees (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, a First Offender)

4. Ponderosé + Westward Ho = Light Red District (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

3. Artsy Fartsy + YachtaYachtaYachta = PootinOnTheRitz (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

2. the winner of the souvenir Preakness glasses and assorted memorabilia:

Letter of the Law + PIN the Tail = Throw the Book ATM (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

And the Winners of One Inker Each

Bugs Stops Here + Torah!Torah!Torah! = Yo, Semite Sam! (Pam Sweeney, Germantown; Kevin Dopart)

The Stall Warts: Honorable Mentions

Acid Trip + AZ the World Turns = pHoenix (Danny Bravman, St. Louis)

Acid Trip + Dr. Shoals = Reef Madness (Ron Bottomly, Columbia)

Acid Trip + Scared Icon = Timothy Leery (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Artsy Fartsy + Holy See = Hallow Dali (Chris Doyle, traveling in Lima, Peru)

Artsy Fartsy + Oh, He's Only 71 = Fartsy (Harvey Smith, McLean)

Best in Shoe + I Hate That Dog = Jimmy Chews (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

BFD + Torah!Torah!Torah! = Surly Temple (Jay Shuck)

Bugs Stops Here + Westward Ho = What's Up, Doxy? (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Bugs Stops Here + I See Debt, People = Blanc Check (Michael Mason, Fairfax)

Buy Your Leave + What Goes Around = Ransom Laps (Mike Hammer, Arlington)

Cherubimbo + Mover and Shaker = Babe Magnate (Chris Doyle)

Don L'Arson + Holy See = Perfect Goyim (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

Dr. Shoals + Hoss's Ass = Hippocratic Oaf (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Handheld + Holy See = Palm Pilate (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)

Holy See + Pants on Fire = Hot Cross Buns (Mark Eckenwiler)

Holy See + What Goes Around = Roamin' Catholic (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)

Hoss's Ass + $0$ = Bottom Dollar (Kevin Dopart; Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo.)

Hoss's Ass + Hamburger Hamlet = Fanny Get Your Bun (George Vary, Bethesda)

I Hate That Dog + Hits the Fan = Shih Tzu (Ira Allen, Bethesda; Chris Doyle)

I'll Call You + Roger, Houston = Let's Do Launch (Andrew Hoenig)

In Obits + I'll Call You = Dead Ringer (Kevin Dopart)

Mock Twain + Hits the Fan = Parody Pooper (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)

Oh, He's Only 71 + There Will Be Bud = McCain-Rheingold (Mark Eckenwiler)

Oh, He's Only 71 + Tyger Tyger = Turning Right (Harvey Smith)

Pants on Fire + Atlas Chugged = Randy McNally (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

Projectile Varmint + Hits the Fan = PopGoesTheWeasel (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Projectile Varmint + I Hate That Dog = Pukingese (Chris Doyle)

ReplyHazy TryAgain + Westward Ho = Can U Whore Me Now (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Reports of My Death + I See Debt, People = Bury Bonds (Mark Eckenwiler)

Roger, Houston + Pants on Fire = We Have a Problem (Kathy A. Fisher, Kerrville, Tex., a First Offender; Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)

Samuel Longhorn + Tyger Tyger = Steers and Stripes (Mark Eckenwiler)

Talk to the Hand + Artsy Fartsy = Parlez à la Main (Chris Doyle)

The Foresight Saga + Westward Ho = Seersucker (Bryan Crain, Modesto, Calif.)

There Will Be Bud + Bugs Stops Here: There Will Be Fudd (Russell Beland, Springfield)

There Will Be Bud + In Obits = King of Biers (Andrew Hoenig)

There Will Be Bud + Hits the Fan = Keg Potty (Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.; Christopher Lamora)

Torah!Torah!Torah! + Acid Trip = Shul Daze (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)

Tryst and Shout + Bun Baby Bun = Rock 'n' Roll (Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington; David Roberts, Victoria, B.C., a First Offender)

Westward Ho + 4,065 Entries = Wilt's Week in LA (Rob Wolf)

$0$ + I See Debt, People = The Six Cents (Danny Bravman; Roy Ashley)

Next Week: Can You Up Chuck?, or Norris Mythology