Week 766: Think to Shudder


When you take your little girl to the circus and the Human Cannonball gives her an unexpected souvenir.

That guy in the dorm who is so tall that he sees over shower stalls without even trying.

Having dinner with your new girlfriend when your ex-girlfriend and her new girlfriend show up at the same restaurant (you, in this instance, are a he).

You are about to hook up with someone when you discover that he or she is the opposite sex than you thought.

A recent Washington Post investigation has revealed a term that today's students use all the time to describe awkward situations. The word is: "awkward." Though young people have broadened the term to refer to just about anything unpleasant or unlikable, the examples above (offered by University of Maryland students, except for the cartoon by the never-awkward Bob Staake) hew to the classic connotation of embarrassment. This week: Come up with scenarios that are even more awkward (and more imaginative) than the wincers mentioned above.

The winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a prize brought back from France by the Empress herself: an empty bottle of a carbonated lemon drink made by Perrier whose name is clearly meant to sound effervescent: "Pschitt!" Fill it with whatever you like.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 2. Put "Week 766" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published June 21. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's contest was suggested by avid Washington Post reader John O'Byrne of Dublin, Ireland. The revised title for next week's results is by Tom Witte. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Brad Alexander of Wanneroo, Australia, which is a pretty long way from his native Alabama.

Report From Week 762, in which we asked readers to take a two-term heading from the top of any page of any print dictionary (or the terms in reverse order) and define it as a compound word.

As we predicted, hardly anyone cited a dictionary printed in the 21st century. We thought Marian Carlsson would win the Olde English prize, using a Winston Dictionary, College Edition, from 1949. But then we got Chris Doyle's entry citing Merriam-Webster's New International Dictionary of . . . 1909. Another clue that people are used to relying to electronic vocabulary assistance: A remarkable number of the words submitted were misspelled.

4. Gate-gavotte: The peculiar dance airplane travelers do while rushing out of the security checkpoint while putting their shoes back on and holding their pants up until they can get their belts fastened. (Stephen Litterst, Newark, Del.)

3. Urinalysis-Usherette: The absolute lowest rung of the medical profession. (Will Cramer, Herndon)

2. the winner of the book "Toilets of the World":

Viridian-Visine: Gets the whatever-the-hell-color- that-is out. (J. Calvin Smith, Greenbelt)

And the Winner of the Inker

Bird of paradise-bison: Where buffalo wings come from. (Roger and Pam Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Wannabe-Webster: Honorable Mentions

Aft-affliction: A pain in the butt. (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)

Amorous-Ammeter: New device issued to Date Lab couples to measure the quantity of sparks flying. (John Kupiec, Fairfax)

Apostrophe-appetite: A craving for Kellogg's Corn Flakes, hors d'oeuvres, Mrs. Paul's fish sticks and Uncle Ben's rice. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Backward-bake: A new feature on expensive ovens that allows you to uncook overdone food. (Julie Thomas, Herndon)

Bank-barbarian: Sub-primate. (John O'Byrne, Dublin)

Calvinism-camp: The Depravity of Mankind -- The Musical! (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

Dirty tricks-dip: Salsa con Saliva. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

Dry mop-duel: Two janitors enter; one janitor leaves! (Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)

Egress-elbow: Technique for getting out of a subway car. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

Ellipsoid-embezzling: How Howard Cosell would describe an interception. (Elwood Fitzner)

Eunuch-etiquette: Rule 1: Don't ask, "How's it hanging?" (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase)

Fast-talk-faux pas: A gaffe a minute. (Beverley Sharp)

Finnish-fireplug: Where a spitz, um, spits. (Tom Jabine, Silver Spring, a First Offender)

Flake-flap: The Nader-Keyes presidential debate. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Foster-four: The number of lagers after which anyone starts to look pretty good. (Peter Metrinko)

Fragrance-frank: "You stink." (J. Calvin Smith)

Funeral-fork: On some Pacific islands, the proper utensil to use at a lying-in-state dinner. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Ganja-gargle: To drink bong water. (Loren Bolstridge, Minneapolis, a First Offender)

Genital-geography: G marks the spot. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Goths-government: Butch and Chainy. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)

Grating-gram: A birthday card with a chip that plays "It's a Small World." (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Honest-hominy: True grits. (Marian Carlsson, Lexington, Va.)

Honor-hopscotch: The first kindergarten AP class. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)

Huddle-hump: THIS is in the Macmillan children's dictionary? (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)

Kidney-keno: One alternative to the organ waiting list. (Kevin Dopart)

Listless-lizard: A gecko that doesn't give a damn about your car insurance. (Pam Sweeney)

Meantime-mausoleum: The freezer at the morgue. (Michael Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)

Methuselah-metric: Rare measure by which John McCain can claim youthfulness. (Dan Ramish, Vienna)

Monsterlike-Monty: Those in the front row probably want to move back a bit . . . (J. Calvin Smith)

Non-nonessential: Gotta have it! (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Nose-no-man's-land: Area inside the nostril where you just can't get that booger. (Drew Bennett, West Plains, Mo., the Ozarks)

Nothingness-novice: Jean-Paul Starter. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Placebo-plan: The new budget health insurance option. (Bob Kurlantzick, Potomac)

Possum-Porterhouse: Don't ask too many questions about the steak at the Roadkill Cafe. (Pam Sweeney)

Prayer-precinct: Obama campaign term for a voting district populated by bitter people with guns. (Kathleen DeBold, Burtonsville)

Prune-pseudonymity: Non de plum. (Donna Justice, Ashburn, a First Offender)

Scalp-scatterbrain: You need the first to prevent the second. (Anne Paris, Arlington)

Scanty-scat: What a cub does in the woods. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

Sound-South American : Something you don't want to do in Prince William County. (Brendan Beary)

Southern-spackling: Grits. (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville; Seth Walton, Hillsboro, Va., a First Offender)

Topiary-torment: Beating around the bush. (Jennifer Rubio, Oakton)

Until-up: The interval before the Viagra kicks in. (Jerrie Olson, Frederick)

Wedgy-weight: One class below featherweight. (Michael Crow, Takoma Park, a First Offender)

With-wobbly: Designated driver. (Will Cramer)

Y chromosome-yes: The first box to check off on the Chippendale's application. (Andrew Hoenig)

And Last: Exquisite-excrement: With "Since 1993," the motto of The Style Invitational. (Kevin Dopart)

Next Week: Another Time Around the Track, or Multiplication Stables