Week 765: It's Doo-Dah Day
Some of the loveliest melodies in American music were written by Stephen
Foster, the biggest-deal songwriter of the 19th century. Unfortunately,
Foster's lyrics don't tend to be quite so lovely to most American ears,
since many were written for pre-Civil War minstrel shows, to be sung by
white men in blackface. Just as unfortunately, this hasn't stopped those
same lyrics from being enshrined as the state songs of Florida ("Old
Folks at Home") and Kentucky ("My Old Kentucky Home"). Okay, Kentucky
changed " 'Tis summer, the darkies are gay" to " 'Tis summer, the people
are gay" -- but wouldn't it be better to just overhaul the lyrics
entirely, while preserving the pretty tune?
That, of course, is where you come in: This week: Write humorous lyrics
commemorating any of the 50 states or the District, set to any of these
Stephen Foster songs:"Old Folks at Home" (a.k.a. "Way Down Upon the
Swanee River"); "My Old Kentucky Home"; "Oh! Susanna"; "Camptown Races";
or "Jeannie With the Light Brown Hair."Those who missed out on
learning these songs in school or at home can find many earnestly sung
examples on YouTube.com; just search on the song titles.
The winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy.
Second place receives, just in time to be a couple of days too late for
Father's Day, a necktie with pictures of various hand tools and small
hardware, along with a book on "How to Tie a Tie," all part of a
promotional package from the DIY Network. Perhaps there's a man out
there who can perfect dovetail joints but hasn't been able to master a
Windsor knot.
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational
Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of
the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per
week. Send your entries by e-mail to http:losers@washpost.com
or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Tuesday, May 27. Put "Week 765" in the subject line of your e-mail, or
it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and
phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor
and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post.
Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published
June 14. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington
Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes.
Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. This week's contest was
suggested by Dave Prevar. The revised title for next week's results is
by Kevin Dopart. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Beverley Sharp.
REPORT FROM WEEK 761, in which we asked you to supply dialogue for any of the three wordless
Bob Staake comic strips pictured in the slideshow on this page:
4. Cartoon A:
Panel 1: "I'm voting for him. He's nice and seems friendly. I just
don't like her."
Panel 2: "But she's so much more capable and experienced."
Panel 3: "Forget it, I'm going home. I just can't be friends with
someone who has so little judgment when it comes to 'American Idol.'
"(Russell Beland, Springfield)
3. Cartoon C:
1. Left man: "Where do we serve the subpoena?"
Right man: "I have the address -- let's go.
2. Left: The charges are horrible -- dozens of little girls forced to
dress and pose provocatively! Mirrors! Poles!
Left man: The scum!
3. Left man: Uh, this is a ballet school.(Russ Taylor, Vienna)
2. the winner of the slightly bent It's Happy Bunny sign with the
legend "No sucky losers allowed":
1. Rrrring.
2. Why, yes, I WOULD like to switch cellphone providers. I've been
waiting for your call.
3. Voice on phone: "Code blue! Code blue! Telemarketer down!"(Roy
Ashley, Washington)
1. Washington just robs you of it after a while.
2. Yeah, it's time to get some.
3. First guy: Good thing there's a backbone store.
Second guy: I'm afraid to knock.
(Randy Lee, Burke)
CARTOON B:
"Good morning, McCain headquarters."
[Phone on floor] "That's right, this is Reverend Wright and I want to
endorse the senator."(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
"Barely Legal Hotline -- ooh, hello there, you sexy thing!"
"Grandma???" (Rick Haynes, Potomac)
CARTOON C:
"Are you ready for this?"
"As ready as I'll ever be."
"Okay, let's find out what happens when two lawyers walk into a
bar."(Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)
1. Guy on left: "How did the board meeting go?"
Guy on right: "Rough. I had to bare my fangs a bit."
3. Guy on right: "I think I have some shareholder stuck in my
teeth."(Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
1. Man: We almost have enough votes to pass the Moral Rectitude Act of
2008.
2. Same man: That is, we will in a moment.
3. Senator Craig? Senator Vitter? Could we borrow you for a few
minutes?(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)
1. Man 1: For once, the meeting ended early -- where to?
Man 2: Let's go look at something we don't get to see at home.
2. Man 1: We've gotta be careful -- if the wives find out, we're dead.
3. Man 2: Wow, check out those cupcakes!
Man 1: Yeah, I'll be glad when our wives are off this Atkins
kick.(Jim Ward, Manassas)
Next Week: Look It Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls, or Lexicon Artists