Week 761: Strip Mining


Style Invitational Official Wonder Boy Bob Staake offers up these three
comic strips for your consideration. While considering them, supply the
text for any or all of the three. Please just type it up, with
indications as to who's saying what; don't scribble it into the
drawings. The Empress has enough problems reading your typing.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second
place gets a colorful, cute, slightly bent metal It's Happy Bunny
sign with the legend "Sucky losers not allowed,"
purchased expressly for the Invitational by obviously-not-all-that-sucky
(though arguably suck-uppy) Loser Russ Taylor of Vienna.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational
Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of
the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per
week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com
or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, April 28. Put "Week 761" in the subject line of your e-mail, or
it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and
phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor
and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post.
Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published
May 17. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington
Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes.
Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next
week's results is by Tom Witte. This week's Honorable Mentions name is
by Dave Prevar.

REPORT FROM WEEK 757, in which we sought Style Invitational-toned rhyming couplets featuring
any of 13 letter pairs, a la Edward Gorey's famously horrific
"Gashlycrumb Tinies" alphabet primer.

The award for most off-the-wall
response to a simple alphabet contest goes to Ben Aronin of Washington,
who sent "I is for-Eigner, my English please pardonJ's for the jingoist
hearts I see harden."

You'll notice what event was making the headlines when this contest was
open; the former governor of New York gets a grateful thank-you from The
Style Invitational.

A is for Ape, from whom man is descended.

B is for Bible-believers, offended. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

C's Callipygian, my favorite form.

D is for Droopy -- alas, that's the norm. (Tom Witte, Montgomery
Village, third runner-up)

C is for Crotchety, a measure of age.

D is for Dead, a more certain gauge. (Dot Yufer, Newton, W.Va.)

E is for Enron, went freely astray.

F's for the expletive meaning a Lay. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

G's the ex-Guv of the state of New Yawk.

H is the Hooker he'd hoped wouldn't tawk. (Christopher Lamora,
Arlington, first runner-up, winner of the love-seeking T-shirt)

I is for Imus, he hoed his own rows.

J is for Jacko, who picked his own nose. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

K is for Karl and the lies that he wove.

L is for Libby, the fall guy for Rove. (Chris Doyle)

M is Madame, whom Monsieur mollycoddles.

N's Nick Sarkozy, who's traded in models. (Christopher Lamora)

O is for Ouzo, a drink from the bar.

P's for Pedestrian under your car. (Beth Baniszewski, Somerville, Mass.)

Q is for Queers, proudly took back the name.

R's for the Redskins, whose name still brings shame. (Randy Lee, Burke)

S for Spitzer squanders sums for sordid sex: sore luck.

T is for Testosterone: turns titan into schmuck. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls
Church, second runner-up)

U is Urethra: helps men "plant the flowers."

V is Viagra; seek help in four hours. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

W is for Writer's block, thinking "What next?"

X is for . . . ??? (Beth Baniszewski, winner of the Inker)

Y is the chromosome making a he.

Z is the Zero he often will be. (Kevin Dopart)

A stands for what George Bush called Adam Clymer.

B stands for what his mom called a "rich"-rhymer. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

A is for Ass, a creature equine.

B is for Butt, a large cask of wine. (George Vary, Bethesda)

C is for Cruising for airport romance.

D's for a Dummy with too wide a stance. (Randy Lee)

E is for Eliot, governing rashly.

F's for the Feminine wiles of hot Ashley. (Randy Lee)

I is for Imus, whose head isn't nappy.

J is for Judgment -- Imus's: crappy. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

L is for Larry Craig, stalled by a cop.

K is for Karl, who hijacked the GOP. (Larry Yungk)

Q is for Quadruped (4-footed being).

R's for Regret -- that's the girl you've been seeing. (Beverley Sharp,
Washington)

S is for Spitzer, and his big spick-and-span act.

T is for Theater -- 'cause, man, could that Mann Act. (G. Smith, New York)

S is for Scotch, and for Swilling till dawn.

T is for Throwing it up later on. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

W is for Words that are used in bad taste.

X is for Xysma (that's bits in your waste). (Kevin Dopart)

Y is for You and your "taking a breather."

Z is for zipper, which you can't get up, either. (Judith Cottrill, New
York)

Next Week: Wrong Address,or Shallowed Ground