Week 760: Whacksy Buildup


Amish technology blog

Marie Antoinette bobblehead

Huckleberry Norwegian

Recycled fingernails

505 unbelievably stupid Web pages, in no particular order

Mud wrestling etiquette

Fine McDining

Three guys walk out of a bar

Bodacious tapas

Accountants of the Serengeti

She's very sweet (except after dark)

Full frontal checkmate

Last week in this space we ran the results of our contest seeking
Googlewhacks, phrases that would each generate one and only one Google
hit. Here are a dozen more entries to the same contest. This week:
Describe any of these Googlewhacks in the form of a question,
"Jeopardy"-style.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second
place -- or the highest-placing Loser willing to pick it up (read on) --
wins a massive glass-and-ceramic not-snow globe promoting a certain
long-named circus: Inside the heavy glass sphere are a
frightened-looking Bello the clown (well, the poor man is drowning!), a
tiger and an elephant, along with some feckless glitter.

Here's the catch: You must accept this fine prize in person from the
Empress at the 13th annual Flushies, the Losers' own annual awards
banquet, Saturday afternoon, May 17, in College Park. See the
Losers' Web site, www.gopherdrool.com, for
details. If the second-place Loser doesn't come, he'll get a T-shirt
instead, and the globe goes to the highest-placing Loser in attendance.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational
Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of
the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per
week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com
or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, April 21. Put "Week 760" in the subject line of your e-mail, or
it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and
phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor
and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post.
Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published
May 10. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington
Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes.
Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next
week's results is by Tom Witte. The authors of the Googlewhacks in this
week's contest are Pam Sweeney, Michael Peck, Jacob Aldridge, David
Malinowski, Ken Washington, Ed Gordon, Jon Graft, Anne Harrison, Peter
Metrinko, Jon Graft and Jan Mehler.

REPORT FROM WEEK 756, in which we asked readers to write a "bank head" that would put a twist
on an actual headline appearing in that week's Post or on
washingtonpost.com.

There were far too many good entries to print here;
a list of dozens more -- including some that were sent by too many
people to be given individual credit -- appears here
.

4. White Male Vote Especially Critical Simon Cowell's Remarks
More Cutting Than Ever (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

3. Washington Remains in Contention With a Victory Over
AtlantaLincoln Heartily Thanks General Sherman(Barbara Turner,
Takoma Park; Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, whose last ink was in
1997)

2. the winner of the pen that screeches "The Star-Spangled Banner":
American's Dream Comes True Man, 37, Shows Up Naked and Totally
Unprepared for Meeting(Michael Levy, Silver Spring)

Expansion Is Approved for Alamo Pentagon Notes 'Regrettable' Delay
but Predicts Troop Surge Will Thwart Santa Anna(Christopher
Lamora, Arlington)

Forecasters Warn of Flooding in Ark. Noah Shouldn't Have Added
Portholes Before Invention of Glass, Critics Say (Pie Snelson, Silver
Spring)

7th Graders Take a Stand 'Lemonade Was My Life,' Wails 4th-Grade
Bullying Victim (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Three Wise Guys: Urinal Etiquette, Mystery Statues and More Potatoes
Loony Names Aren't Limited to Hollywood Offspring (Kevin Dopart,
Washington)

McCainCampaign Suspends Aide After Leak of Ceiling-Chaining Photo,
Candidate Accused of Flip-Flop on Torture (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

For Young Area Lawyer, the Supreme Compliment 'You Don't Act Like a
Lawyer' (Ben Aronin, Washington)

Md. Budget Crunch Has Residents on the Ropes Home-Brand Cereal Makes
Baltimoreans Puke Into Inner Harbor (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

More Than a Way In and Out 'I Do Have Other Redeeming Qualities, You
Know,' Girlfriend Protests (Andrea Kelly, Brookeville)

FDAWarns Against Cantaloupes Breast Implants Should Be Limited to
Grapefruit Size, Agency Says (Rick Haynes, Potomac; Phil Frankenfeld,
Washington)

N. Korea's No. 2 Begins AfricaTour

But Traveling Display of Kim Jong Il's Bowel Movement Draws Little
Interest Outside Homeland (Sanford D. Horn, Alexandria)

HokiesPolish Up Their Résumé Va. Tech Woos Duke Coach Krzyzewski
(Howard Walderman, Columbia; Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Who Says the Elite Aren't Fit to Serve?
Ivy League Art History Majors Prove Excellent Waiters (Cy Gardner, Arlington; Cheryl Davis, Arlington)

Reports Cite Lack of Uniform Policy for Terrorist Watch List
Suicide Bombers Were Supposed to Wear Matching Blazers With Crests (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Rockets Come Back Down to Earth
NASA 'Stunned' by Findings of $1.6 Billion Study (Russell Beland, Springfield)

A Hurler's Investment Pitch
Few Remember Karen Carpenter's Early Career at Merrill Lynch (Jay Shuck)

A Skillful 'Kiss' That Lacks True Passion
What Happens When Wine Snobs Turn Into Chocolate Snobs (Barbara Turner)

Big Red Knocks Down Big Two
Visit to Cuba, Dolly Parton Shoved by Castro in Sudden Burst of Energy (Harry Rosenberg, Arlington,a First Offender)

Pittsburgh Finds Itself in Familiar Spot
Still at Intersection of 3 Rivers, Study Finds (Jerrie Olson, Frederick)

West Virginia's Globe Trotter
Appalachian Man Returns Home After Whirlwind Trek to Wheeling (Jonathan Gettleman, Ashburn)

Van Pelt Has Some Fun
Rug in '67 VW Bus Still Gets Lots of Groovy Action (Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)

United to Pull Older Planes
Trip From N.Y. to L.A. Will Average 47 Days (Christopher Lamora)

Border Patrol Job Fair
Immigration Cops Pleased With Improvement Over 2007's 'Poor' Rating (Christopher Lamora)

Biggest One-Day Gain Since '02
Kirstie Alley Regrets Eating Whole Carton of Breyer's (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

On War's Anniversary, Bush Cites Progress: 'Strategic Victory' Is Near, He Asserts
Former President Reflects on 25th Year in Iraq (Warren Rudman, Central City, Colo, a First Offender)

SEC Probes Shorting of Bear's Stock
Goldilocks Questioned About Missing Porridge (Roy Ashley)

Greenspan Gets Harder Look
Fed Retiree's Pilates Regimen Produces Awesome Abs, Andrea Mitchell Says (Roger Dalrymple)

Clinton 's Experience Is Debated
More Than 200 Women Just While Governor, or Including Presidency? (Kevin Dopart)

Gearing Up for Court Gun Battle
Ginsburg Packs Twin Uzis, Scalia Opts for AK-47 (Eric Murphy, Ann Arbor, Mich.)

A Surprise at the Top
Surgeon Errs, Implants 3rd Breast (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

High Court Declines Tobacco Suit
'Thanks, but Too Itchy -- We'll Stay With the Robes,' Roberts Says (Rick Haynes)

Next Week: Gorey Thoughts From A to Z, or Ghastly, Dumb, Tinny


More Honorable Mentions From Week 756

We just got so many good plays on headlines this week that we couldn't help spilling some over into the Great Maw of the Web. In addition to the Honorable Mentions below, there were a number of funny ideas that were sent by too many people to be credited individually. Lots of people came up with:

Arenas Might Be Back Soon

Verizon Center, FedEx Field Apparently Just Wandered Off in Middle of Night

Nationals Have Logjam Up the Middle

Desperate Coach Hires Team Proctologist

30 Big French Cities Fall to the Opposition

[Various typical French-surrender jokes]

Far-Flung Tibetans Find Unity in Protest

Being Catapulted Out of Lhasa Is Just Wrong, They Agree

Now for the actual ink:

Spring Festival Turns Violent

Fists Fly After Cheating Accusations at National Slinky Championships (Christopher Lamora, Arlington)

Johnson Hopes for a Major Step Forward

Lakers Great Starts Professional 'Mother May I?' League (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Drinking Rules

But Whoring Finishes a Close Second (Tom Murphy, Bowie)

Grass-Roots Markets May Help Stave Off N. Korean Food Shortages

Kim Jong Il Declares: 'They Taste Like Chicken' (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Taco in One Hand, Remote in the Other

It's Not Your Father's Beltway Anymore (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

World's No. 2 Economy Has Vacancy at Top

No. 1's Top Is Pretty Vacant, Too (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

Wildcats Bounce Trojans

Bunch of Rolled-Up Condoms Substitute for Ball (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

In New York, Butts Soared Above All (the article was about high jumper Tynita Butts)

Nose Jobs Now Rank No. 2 Among Long Island Cosmetic Surgeons (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

In New York , Butts Soared Above All

Helicopter Pilot, Passenger Sought in Moon Over Manhattan (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

Strep Throat Will Keep Dix Out of 200M

Nice Guys to Finish First, for Once (Andrea Kelly, Brookeville)

Lackey Sidelined

Cheney Mobilizes Iran Invasion as Bush Recovers From Flu (Kevin Dopart)

Pregnancy Complicates the Candidate's Interview

Sen. Clinton Drops Bombshell on '60 Minutes' (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

The Longer It Takes, the Higher the Cost

Viagra's New Spokesman Spitzer Explains 'Expense Account' (Cheryl Davis, Arlington)

Two Very Unique Coaching Paths Converge

The Slightly Dead and a Little Pregnant Approaches Provide Synergy (Kevin Dopart)

In Havana, a Page From McCain's Past

Foley Wasn't the Only One, Exiled Senate Intern Alleges (Stephen Litterst, Newark, Del.)

Jumping Out of Stocks Could Sting More Than Staying

And Other Tips for Enjoying Colonial Williamsburg (Christopher Lamora)

'Speak English' Sign Is Allowed

But Must Be Written in Spanish, Court Rules (Sanford D. Horn, Alexandria)

American's Dream Comes True

Airline Wins Permission to Charge for Seat Belt Use (Ira Allen)

Security Companies Scramble to Combat Rise of Malicious Programs

Blackwater Commandos Attack Bill O'Reilly, Storm 'Flavor of Love' Set (Cy Gardner)

Young 76ers Are Starting to Come Into Their Own

Seniors Say 80 is the New 20 (Brian Cohen, Potomac)

Supreme Court to Review FCC Ban on Profanity

'We're Tired of This $%$181{}&*,' Chief Justice Says (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Streaking Houston Set for a Celtic Test

Whitney Preps for Irish Nude Cricket Match (Tom Murphy)

Another Crisis for the Bay

Glue Factory Looms as Bobtail Nag Is Favorite at Camptown Races (Carol Ann Linder, Arlington, a First Offender)

Prayers for Call Girl

'Sorry, I Only Take Cash,' Kristen Says (Russell Beland)

A Garden Fit for the Bishop

Cleric Suffers Seizure Between the Dahlias and the Coreopsis (Mae Scanlan, Washington)

A Luminous 'Moon' Where There Was Darkness

Farmer Gets Creative With Day-Glo Paint Where the Sun Don't Shine (Mae Scanlan)

Moment of Truth

Aides Quickly Redirect President Back on Message (Kevin Dopart)

After 800 Entries, the Field Narrows

Cross-Eyed and Bleary Upon Reading a Single Loser's Submission for This Contest, Empress Vows to Disqualify the Over-Ambitious (Beverley Sharp, Washington)