Week 756: Mess With Our Heads


Penguin Book Ban Reconsidered
'Aw, Let the Poor Birds Read if They Want,' Zookeeper Pleads

Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on w ashingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle (like the joke bank head offered under the actual Post headline above). Please include the date and page number of the headline you're citing from the paper; for Web articles, give the date and copy a sentence or two of the story (or, better, just copy the whole URL) . You don't have to use the entire length of the headline, but don't skip words or use snippets that distort the meaning of the original. Headlines in ads and subheads within an article can be used, too; photo captions cannot.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a ballpoint pen that, on the push of a button, emits a fluorescent-looking light and the most earsplitting version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" this side of Roseanne (it does not grab its crotch, however). Donated by Loser Russell Beland.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, March 24. Put "Week 756" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published April 12. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's results and this week's Honorable Mentions name are by Kevin Dopart of Washington.

Report From Week 750, the Invitational's fourth photo humor contest, in which we supplied five captions and you were invited to submit your own pictures to match them.

We can conclude from this exercise that most people think that our own children and pets -- especially if we put a hat on them -- are a heck of a lot funnier than other people think they are. Cute, yes. Soooo cute. Funny, only kind of.

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Next Week: Hot Off the Riddle, or Ask-It Cases