Week 743: Picture This


Style Invitational Cartoonist for Life Bob Staake has been feeling
unloved lately, what with being bumped off the page in favor of a
crossword puzzle grid last week, and with Richard Thompson's "Richard's
Poor Almanack" cartoons making rude gestures at his drawings from across
the gutter on Page C3.

So we return after many, many weeks to the well-loved, no-special-twist
caption contest: Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second
place receives something so good you'll try not to place first: this
Darth Vader helmet, complete with a control box with which you can make
James Earl Jones intone, "You don't know the pow-ah of the DARK SIDE,"
and modeled here by the Empress (tiara not included). But what sets it
far above any ordinary James Earl Jones-intoning Darth Vader helmet is
that this one was donated by, and has enclosed the personal head of,
Hank Stuever, the most stylish of Style section writers. Hank is moving
desks and "going through a personal-accoutrement makeover. Trying to
de-geekify." Hmm, what made him think of us?

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser
T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions (or whatever
they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational
Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to
losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec.
17. Put "Week 743" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being
ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality.
All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be
edited for taste or content. Results will be published Jan. 5. No
purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their
immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries
will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by
Phil Frankenfeld of Washington.

Report from Week 739, in which we asked you to supply some fictitious revelations about
current or former politicians:

4. Little Johnny Edwards's dog was killed when it ran into the back of
the ambulance they were chasing. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan,
Minn.)

3. LBJ's mother used to pick him up by his ears. (Dave Prevar,
Annapolis)

2. winner of the Bill Clintonin Drag magnet set:John
Edwards's campaign has released documents proving he now pays well
below the average rate not only for his haircuts, but also for his
weekly manicure, pedicure and mango-avocado-yogurt facial peel. (Larry
Yungk, on vacation in Bangkok)

And the Winner of the Inker

The venue for JFK's visit to Germanywas changed from Hamburgon
the advice of his speechwriter. (Joel Knanishu, Rock Island, Ill.)

Lying Low: Honorable Mentions

Vice President Cheney's prolonged absences from public view reflect
times he has checked into BethesdaNaval Medical Center while
shedding his exoskeleton. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

In addition to fear itself, FDR was terrified of circus clowns.
(Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Kay "Bailey" Hutchison got her nickname from her father's favorite
cartoon character, Beetle Bailey. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Hubert Humphrey named all his pet cats Bogart. (Russell Beland,
Springfield)

Bob Ehrlichis the secret love child of Bob Haldeman and John
Ehrlichman. (Randy Lee, Burke)

As a child, Winston Churchillonce told a teacher, "Yes, m'am, I am
tardy, but tomorrow I will be on time, and you will still be ugly."
(Jeff Brechlin)

In 1989, to prevent voters and political opponents from associating him
with America's enemies, Barack Moammar Castro had his name legally
changed to Barack Hussein Obama. (Mike Fransella, Arlington)

Joe Bidenonce held his breath for 12 seconds. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

Though James Buchanan was the only bachelor president, he had a deep
platonic relationship with rookie White Housereporter Helen
Thomas. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Al Goremay not have invented the Internet, but he did invent a great
electronic storage application for Internet porn. (Ralph Scott,
Washington)

Bill Richardsonhas the most cleavage of any presidential candidate.
(Kevin Dopart, Washington)

As a kid, Steny Hoyerwas never teased about his name. (Randy Lee)

Rep. Tom Tancredoonce rode in a taxi driven by an illegal immigrant
-- and he gave the driver a tip. (Horace Labadie, Dunnellon, Fla.)

Mitt Romneyhas never spent more than $1.50 for a haircut, as he has
been bald since 1958. His current "hair" is a plastic cast made from a
bust of Ronald Reagan. (Steve Fahey)

Lincoln was the first president to wear briefs. (Russell Beland)

Walter Mondalemade an interesting comment on Nov. 14, 1983. (Jeff
Brechlin)

Newt Gingrichwas named for the New Testament. (Randy Lee)

When he was living in Indonesia, Barack Obama was enrolled in
Hadassah. (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)

Stephen Douglas used the line "I know you are but what am I?" four
times in his debate with Lincoln. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

Ron Paulhas a secret love child, Rudolph, or "Ru." (Roy Ashley,
Washington; J. Larry Schott, Gainesville, Fla.)

Dennis Kucinichonly seems short because his wife is 8-foot-4. (Dave
Zarrow, Herndon)

Because of the troubles with subprime mortgages, the Romney campaign
has yet to be able to work out its purchase of Iowa. However,
they're close to settlement over New Hampshire. (Cy Gardner,
Arlington)

Hillary Clintonhas amassed a huge campaign war chest from monies
freed from the accounts of Mrs. Sese Seko merely by paying
administrative fees of only a few thousands of dollars US. (Jeff
Contompasis, Ashburn)

Sen. Larry Craighas just announced that after leaving office he
will be the national spokesman for a campaign to raise awareness of
Restless Leg Syndrome. (Dale Hample, Silver Spring)

Dennis Kucinich took steroids as a third-string high school
quarterback, but they were placebos. (Kevin Dopart)

Early in their marriage, Dick and Lynne Cheneydecided that if they
had a son, they would name him Anakin. (Dale Hample)

Hillary Clinton has submitted entries to The Style Invitational 13
times since 1996, but has never seen ink. (Chuck Koelbel, Houston)

Next Week: Give Us a Hint, or You May Already Be a Loser!