Week 742: Clue Us In

Saturday, December 1, 2007

50 Across: Actual clue: Temporary fix
New clue: Business plan at Abercrombie

Just as we did about this time last year, we're asking for a whole new
set of clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache;
this one ran in The Post this past May. You'll notice that some of the
words are already puns -- Paula isn't just a "mine entrance = adit"
kinda woman. But we're looking for a funny clue for every last word.
Offer as many as you like; just keep the wording concise, because
otherwise we won't be able to fit all 76 clues on this page four weeks
from now. Please say which word you're writing the clue for; don't just
write "36 Down." Paula will help judge.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. Second
place receives this Over the Hill Size Long Bra pictured here
for use at your more boorish 50th-birthday parties. Its cups are two
knit pockets that each could serve as a sheath for a long pair of
scissors. It was donated by Loser Kevin Mellema of Falls Church, whom it
no longer fits.

Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser
T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions (or whatever
they're called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational
Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to
losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Dec.
10. Put "Week 742" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being
ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality.
All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be
edited for taste or content. Results will be published Dec. 29. No
purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their
immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries
will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest was sent
by both Tom Witte and Dave Prevar and we hope no one else. This week's
Honorable Mentions name is by Russell Beland.

Report From Week 738

in which we asked you to compare or contrast any two items from a
randomly generated list of 15: The most frequently submitted entry: How
is Lindsay Lohan's handbag like the peaks of Mount Whitney? They're
both frequently covered with snow. Almost as frequent, but better: A
piranha and a "great introductory rate" will both turn around and bite
you from behind.

4. Ferrari cup holders and Lindsay Lohan's handbag:Both tend to
be forgotten when the speed kicks in. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City,

3. Womanly knuckles and a Hawaiian Punch martini:Both can knock
you out, but at least the martini is a little sweet about it. (Judith
Cottrill, New York)

2. the winner of the gummy tapeworm and bacon-flavored toothpicks:
Womanly knuckles and cup holders on a Ferrari:They're both the
very last features you notice -- after headlights, chassis, rear end,
seat and handling. (J. Larry Schott, Gainesville, Fla.)

And the Winner of the Inker

"American Gothic" and the next three presidential debates:The
pitchfork has three good points. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Fit to Be Tied: Honorable Mentions

"American Gothic" and the National Christmas Tree:In both cases,
there's a big white house in the background, but it's probably better
not to know what goes on inside. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

"American Gothic" and the next three presidential debates:The
painting has only two cranky, two-dimensional people. (Jeff
Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

"American Gothic" and Lindsay Lohan's handbag:One represents the
American Farm; the other, the American Pharm. (Tom Witte, Montgomery

• One has an oversize fork, the other an undersize spoon. (Jay
Shuck, Minneapolis)

A piranha and an annotated copy of Lynne Cheney's "Blue Skies,
No Fences":One is something deadly in the Amazon, the other ON
Amazon. (Larry Yungk, temporarily in Bangkok)

A piranha and the peaks of Mount Whitney:It's unwise to scale
either without gloves. (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore; Ross Elliffe,
Picton, New Zealand)

A piranha and womanly knuckles:Only one of these makes a good
nickname for a Mafia enforcer. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Womanly knuckles and broccoli skin cream:Only one is being thought
of to replace "womanly words" in the Marylandstate motto. (Russell
Beland, Springfield)

Womanly knuckles and Lindsay Lohan's handbag:With both, you never
know when you might get a little crack out of them. (Andrew
Hoenig, Rockville)

• Both are likely to hit me upside the head if I ever were to make a
pass at Lindsay Lohan. (Tom Witte)

• Both have a few little joints. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

Broccoli skin cream and a "great introductory rate":One helps you
keep your complexion, the other helps you lose your shirt. (Lawrence

Broccoli skin cream and an Xbox 360:With both, overnight
use leaves you slightly green and oily. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)

• One protects your skin from the sun; the other protects your son from
the sun. (Dan Colilla, Pittsburgh)

Lindsay Lohan's handbag and a Hawaiian Punch martini:You don't want
to be holding either one when you're pulled doing 120 in a 35-mph zone.
(Anne Paris, Arlington)

Lindsay Lohan's handbag and the cup holders on a Ferrari:The cup
holders cost only $149.50 (true!). (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

• Both have been puked into by Lindsay Lohan. (Ted Theofanos,
Silver Spring)

Cup holders on a Ferrari and thenext three presidential
debates:Both are things into which Dennis Kucinichjust barely
fits. (Russell Beland)

The National Christmas Tree and an Xbox 360:It'd still be Christmas
without the tree. (David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.)

A "great introductory rate" and the cup holders on a
Ferrari:They're both the only parts you might be able to
afford. (Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)

A "great introductory rate" and singing in the rain:With either
one, you'll be soaked before you know it. (Ed Gordon, Deerfield
Beach, Fla.; Russ Taylor)

An anesthesiologist's cat and Lindsay Lohan's handbag:Two things
you might find draped over someone who's passed out. (Jay Shuck)

The Xbox 360 and the next three presidential debates:The Xbox 360
is a Wiicompetitor. And Dennis Kucinich is a wee competitor.
(Brendan Beary)

Next Week: Lies, All Lies, or Fool Disclosure