Week 723: Name Your Poison
Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: Absinthe and oyster juice, best enjoyed
before a blind date
No-Ink Monday: Bitters and sour grapes
Phyllis Reinhard of East Fallowfield, Pa., is a longtime habitue of
Losernet, the e-mail group of various Style Invitational Losers and those
who would associate with them. Phyllis reports that one Loser, "in his
belief that we actually care about every nuance of his life," regularly
shares the recipe of each new cocktail he tries from some book he has.
This week: Create a name and recipe for a cocktail and, if you like,
describe when it might be served.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up receives "The Twinkies Cookbook," "an inventive and unexpected
recipe collection" put out by Hostess itself (Chapter 9: "Twinkies and
Meat").
Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser
T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're
called that week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets.
One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to
losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July
30. Put "Week 723" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being
ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with
your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality.
All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be
edited for taste or content. Results will be published Aug. 19. No
purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their
immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries
will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by
Russell Beland of Springfield. This week's Honorable Mentions name is by
Phil Frankenfeld of Washington.
Report From Week 719, in which we asked you to create funny sports team names from any non-U.S.
town: The good news: Many of you had a great time entering this contest,
sometimes with hundreds of entries at a pop. One person sent 750. There
were about 20,000 entries in all, including the dozens of fine examples
printed below.
The bad news: At least 19,000 of the entries just stank up the place.
They weren't remotely clever or funny, beyond the vague notion of "well,
if an actual city had that team name, it would be sort of amusing." No
wordplay, no joke. Among the most idiotic entries were those that
referred to a product or landmark actually associated with the town name
-- Peking Ducks! Bengal Tigers! Paisley Ties! Salisbury Steaks! Limoges
Teacups! Chernobyl Reactors!
Still, there were some glittering needles to be found in this moldy,
festering haystack. Among the funny but too often submitted entries were
the Taipei Personalities, Almaty Dollars, London Derrieres, Riga
Mortises, Essen Ems, Djibouti Shakers, Haifa Luteins, Quito Success and
Whyalla Commotion. And that really good one you sent.
A final note: It's almost inevitable that some Loser also sent in one of
the entries below and didn't get credited. What can we say: 20,000
entries vs. 1 Empress. Here's the deal: If your entry won a prize and
your name isn't on it, AND YOU HAVE NEVER WON THAT PRIZE, let us know and
we'll send you one. Otherwise, suck it up, Loser, and get on with your
no-life.
4. The Inchbare (Scotland) Islamic Beach Volleyball Team (Jane Auerbach,
Los Angeles)
3. The Juarez (Mexico) Waldos (Bill Cowart, Washington)
2. The winner of the CD of Regis Philbin singing: The Tripoli (Libya)
Wide Sox (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase)
And the Winner of the Inker
The Cinderford (England) Pintos (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
The Winslow (England) Honorable Mentions
Acme (Canada) Flattened Coyotes (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Acosta (Mexico) Stalkers (Russell Beland)
Ahousat (Canada) Ear Trumpets (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)
Aino (Japan) Sunshine (Dean Meservy, Laurel)
Andover (England) Obsessive-Compulsives (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
Awsim (Egypt) Dudes (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)
Baden Baden (Germany) Doggen Doggen (Mary Clippinger, Columbia)
Bad Homburg (Germany) Abramoffs (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Balbriggan (Ireland) Feminists (Randy Lee, Burke)
Bath (England) Ackwards (Bruce Carlson, Alexandria)
Batna (Algeria) Thousand (Michael Mason, Fairfax; Andrew Hoenig)
Baotou (China) Authorities (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)
Belfast (Northern Ireland) Fighting Irish (Valerie Matthews, Ashton)
Betio (Kiribati) Sweet Bippies (Randy Lee)
Bobeldjiik (Netherlands) Tasteless Dashboard Ornaments (Peter Metrinko,
Chantilly)
Boorara (Australia) Mixed Reviews (Russell Beland)
Brasov (Romania) Second Basemen (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
Bumtum (Burma) Gastroenterologists (Peter Metrinko)
Butcombe (England) Fastidious Groomers (Elwood Fitzner)
Caracas (Venezuela) Plumbers (Dave Brewer, Seattle)
Durn (Austria) Teutons (Peter Metrinko)
Eibar (Spain) Ironmen (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Elda (Poland) Statesmen (Chris Doyle)
Fatezh (Russia) Yomamas (Jeffrey Rhody, Clarksville)
Funabashi (Japan) Killjoys (Horace LaBadie, Dunnellon, Fla.)
Hay (Australia) Ewes (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
Honkaranta (Finland) Road Ragers (Peter Metrinko)
Huon (Australia) Firsts (Jeff Brechlin)
Ichihara (Japan) Scrachihedas (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Jomppalan Gorge (Finland) Ringos (Dean Meservy)
Kain (Australia) Enablers (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Killarney (Ireland) Terminators (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)
Kokand (Uzbekistan) Bulls (Elden Carnahan)
Kuwait Katsbys (Nora Achrati, Chevy Chase)
La Croniere (Luxembourg) White House Advisers (Peter Metrinko)
Ladysmith (South Africa) Anvilettes (Ann Martin, Annapolis)
Lahore (Pakistan) Skankees (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Langedijk (Netherlands) Attempts to Get Something Past the Editor
(Brendan Beary)
Lille (France) Rascals (Randy Lee)
Liverpool (England) Organ Donors (Rich Slavik, California, Md.; Stephen
Dudzik, Olney)
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch (Wales) A's
(Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn; Matthew Hertz, Buffalo; Bruce Alter, Fairfax
Station)
Los Cabos (Mexico) Amarillos (Jon Spell, Orem, Utah)
Lviv (Ukraine) Roman Numerals (Chris Doyle)
Macabebe (Philippines) Bustin' Trojans (Kevin Dopart)
Marienbad (Czech Republic) X's (Duncan Seed, Robin Hood's Bay, England)
Narcisse (Canada) Best People Ever (Seth Brown)
Nice (France) Lappers (Randy Lee)
Nijerk (Netherlands) Reactions (Phyllis Reinhard)
Nipigon (Can.) Pasties (Chris Doyle)
Nogata (Japan) Prayers (Michael Mason)
Notabrane (Sweden) Senators (George Vary, Bethesda)
Norong (Australia) Answers (Jane Auerbach)
Pori (Finland) Oryx (Prince H., Elsinore, Denmark) (Dean Meservy)
Rio (Brazil) Killers (Elwood Fitzner)
Salomo (Spain) Replays (Drew Knoblauch, Washington)
Sassari (Italy) Apologizers (Randy Lee)
Suffren (Canada) Succotash (Marbury Wethered, Greenbelt)
Standon (England) O's (Chris Doyle)
Stillorgan (Ireland) Bachelors (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)
Talabanya (Hungary) People Always Getting Mistaken for Terrorists
(Brendan Beary)
Tatacorral (Peru) Brassieres (Peter Metrinko)
Torroboll (Scotland) Twos (Charles Trahan, Jessup)
Townsville (Australia) Redundants (Andrew Hoenig)
Tutong (Brunei) Prevaricators (Russ Taylor, Vienna)
Uvea (Wallis Islands) Cavaliers (Sanford Horn, Alexandria)
Warsaw (Poland) Foreign Correspondents (Elden Carnahan)
Wingham (England) Flying Pigs (Chris Doyle)
Zapala (Argentina) Detainees -- A.G., Washington (Erik Agard,
Gaithersburg)
And Last: Boerenstreek (Netherlands) Week 719 Entries (Peter Metrinko)
Next Week: The Course of Humor Events, or BS in History