Week 715: Your Mug Here


We present today a new runner-up prize: the
soon-to-be-desperately-yearned-for Style Invitational Coffee Mug.
Beginning with this week's contest, runners-up may opt for one of these
mugs instead of the Loser T-Shirt. It seems that some Losers have been
discouraged from wearing their Loser shirts to the office, and some of
the more "successful" Invitational entrants long ago ran out of friends
to give them to.

Of course, we refuse to send anyone the pristinely elegant piece of
stoneware pictured here: We first must deface it with some words and
perhaps a simple picture. This week: Send us an idea for what to put on
the Style Invitational coffee mug. The usable space is about three inches
square and can be in only one or two colors, so it can't be meticulously
detailed. You don't have to draw a picture; just describe it. Whatever
you do, don't send attachments with your e-mail. We hate attachments.

But we're not stopping there! After about three years, we've finally
mailed out the last of our latest model of Loser T-Shirt, the one that
said "Under New Mismanagement" on the back. (A couple of boxes of the
previous model mysteriously appeared during a recent office move, so
they'll do the job for the next few weeks or so.) But now that the
Empress's mismanagement is far from new, it's time for another slogan to
go on the back of the new shirt, whose front will display the medical
diagram at right designed by Intimidatingly Illustrious Style
Invitational Cartoonist Bob Staake. So also this week: Send us an idea
for a slogan for the back of the new Loser T-shirt. It does not
necessarily have to relate to Bob's picture on the front. Depending on
how things work out, a slogan suggested for the T-shirt might end up on
the mug, and vice versa. What's it to you, anyway?

The writer of the winning T-shirt slogan wins the first new T-shirt from
the box, whenever it arrives, and same for the mug writer and the mug.
Runners-up get their choice of mug or shirt.

Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the
lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.
Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax (if you
must) to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 4. Put "Week 715" in the
subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include
your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are
judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the
property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington
Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Results
will be published June 24. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.
Next week's revised title is by Stephen Dudzik. This week's Honorable
Mentions name is by Tom Witte.

Report From Week 711, in which we asked you to combine the beginning and end of two words in
the Style and Arts sections of Sunday's Post to create a new word. Lots
of entries this week, some way better than others. (Example of Others:
"Roof-us: A doofus who's a roofer.")

4. Gal-anon: The 12-step program Bill Clinton entered in 1999. (Kevin
Dopart, Washington)

3. Bog-ress: What the United States continues to make in Iraq. (Chris
Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

2. The winner of the giant Styrofoam letter L: Sid-Friendly: The name of
the famous punk rocker when he played with his first band, the Water
Pistols. (Ira Allen, Bethesda)

And the Winner of the Inker

Mon-ovation: The sound of one hand clapping especially enthusiastically.
(Dennis Lindsay, Seabrook)

A Dictionary of Dashed Hopes

Ass-peration: The wet spot on the back of gym shorts after a workout on
the exercise bike. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)

Aus-tentatious: Prideful and prejudicial. (Chris Doyle)

Bar-phonies: People at drinking establishments whose lips are moving.
(Michael Mason, Fairfax)

Caca-ding: The sound made by a chamber pot at the moment of its use. (Ned
Andrews, Danville, Va.)

Choreo-culator: Someone who counts each step while he dances. (Pie
Snelson, Silver Spring)

Comp-amples: Free implants given to celebrities who agree to mention the
surgeon's name. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

Disproportion-ician: Dolly Parton's cosmetic surgeon. (Ben Aronin,
Washington)

Educa-ca: When I look back on all the . . . silly stuff I learned in high
school . . . (Kevin Dopart)

Enviro-hearse: A Hummer. (Kevin Dopart)

Enviro-phony: Someone who flies a private plane around the country to
give green speeches. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Flu-nundrum: "Feed a cold, starve a fever" or "Starve a cold, feed a
fever"? (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Glute-sumption: Ideally, no more than one sheet for the glutes per visit.
-- Sheryl Crow, Nashville (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

Geta-rooms: Couples displaying excessive public affection. "Ugh, I just
rode up the elevator with a pair of geta-rooms going at it the whole
way." (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Hor-gy: A party with an entrance fee. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Incapa-stival: A multi-disease telethon. (Jay Shuck)

Joy-vey: The special delight that some mothers get from worrying. (Chris
Doyle)

My-doll: Toy pills sold as an accessory for the new Screaming PMS Barbie.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Navelty: A bellybutton ring that plays "Yummy, yummy yummy, I've got love
in my tummy." (Chris Doyle)

Nether-mental: Pertaining to the psychological state of a teenage male.
(Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

Prudi-cut: A snippet of film censored from an old movie, like a married
couple reading together in the same bed. (Fred Dawson, Beltsville)

Revers-sary: The date you celebrate your annulment. (Russell Beland)

Safe-teria: A dining establishment that doesn't serve food. (Kevin Dopart)

Scat-mospheric: Describing the aroma of the bus station restroom. (Pam
Sweeney)

Schaden-fraud: A softie who only pretends to be sadistic. (Dave Prevar,
Annapolis; Chris Doyle)

Schwarze-dated: Groped. (Mark Eckenwiler)

Smu-cky: As in "That Beland sure is smucky." Well, I guess they meant
both smart and lucky. Yeah. (Russell Beland)

Solo-national: Post-multinational: "The president remains confident of
his solo-national support." (Robert Kirkpatrick, Potomac)

Stir-nacular: Prison lingo. In stirnacular, a suitcase is a rectal
cavity. (Chris Doyle)

Temper-cycle: I will provide the definition to an unbiased male editor.
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

Un-trina: Especially calm weather. (Tom Witte)

Utopi-olanus: A really good colonoscopy report. (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Water-hello: A kinder, gentler form of torture. (Randy Lee, Burke)

Zeppel-bra: A 44EEE. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

And Last: Junk-retary: What the Empress needs to weed out entries like
this one. (Ross Elliffe, Picton, New Zealand)

Next Week: Another Time Around the Track, or Race Relations