Week 712: Another Time Around the Track


We tried this spinoff contest last year, with a little trepidation, and
it turned out that we had no reason to be trepid after all. So, like
indiscriminate animal breeders, we'll try to wring another season out of
it: "Breed" any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of
Week 708 below, and name THEIR foal. The difficulty of this contest lies
in the fact that many of the names already contain puns; your wordplay
should be significantly different from the original. As always, the names
must contain no more than 18 characters, including spaces. Winner
receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up wins a neat plastic mini-model of a human skull and its
contents, sent as a promotion for a local exhibit of real bodies and
their contents. Not only can you take various pieces of the brain out and
play with them, but there's a spring attached to the jaw.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the
lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.
Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 14. Put "Week 712" in the subject
line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. (No, over-literal
Losers, you don't have to include the quotation marks!) Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are
judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the
property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results will be published June 3. No purchase required for
entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives,
are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.
The revised title for next week's contest is by Russell Beland. The
Honorable Mentions name is by Ned Bent, which is not a pseudonym.

Report From Week 708, in which, as we do every spring, we asked you to "breed" any two horses
from a list of 100 candidates for this year's Triple Crown races and name
their offspring.

Not only was the Empress overwhelmed with entries --
there were close to 10,000 -- but they were especially good this year;
the E's first cut of clever and funny worthies numbered more than 350. If
you entered this contest and your name doesn't appear below, you are
definitely on that other list. Oh, for sure. Among the good entries
submitted by too many people: Nobiz Like Showbiz + Oceanography = Ethel
Mermaid; Acquire the Fire + Ketchikan = Baked Alaska; and Flying First
Class + Hanky Panky = Mile High Club. And lots of Don Imus jokes. Ho ho
ho.

5. Warn + Gentle Romeo = She's Not Dead! (Laurie Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)

4. Esoteric Thinker + Hanky Panky = Coito Ergo Sum (Chris Doyle, Ponder,
Tex.)

3. Golden Balls + Private Humor = Don't Touch, Midas (Ellen Raphaeli,
Falls Church)

2. the winner of the brain-motif bike helmet: Men's Magazine + Subscriber
= Chicks in the Mail (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

And the Winner of the Inker

Warn + Great Hunter = We'llKeepOrionYou (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)
The Horses Behind

Acquire the Fire + I'm All Out = Zippo (Mike Hammer, Arlington)

Ascetic + I'm All Out = Friar Tuckered (Chris Doyle)

Ascetic + Men's Magazine = Popular Mechanics (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Augment and Blazing Bull = More Cowball! (Judith Cottrill, New York)

BirdBirdIsTheWord + No Reply = Egrets Only (Laura Bennett Peterson,
Washington)

BirdBirdIsTheWord + Panty Raid = The Pelican Briefs (Seth Brown, North
Adams, Mass.; Chris Doyle)

BirdBirdIsTheWord + Schoolboy = Bird B-I-R-D Bird (Russell Beland)

Bye Yawl + Eat Em Alive = Bermuda Triangle (Courtney Knauth, Washington)

Call Me Dude + Forefathers = Calleth Us Dudes (Russell Beland)

Circular Quay + Green Secret = Quay Lime Pi (Brendan Beary)

Clued In + Reporting for Duty = Colonel Mustered (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Cowtown Cat + Senior = Wyatt AARP (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Curlin + Something Sonic = Sweepin in Seattle (Robin Diallo, New Delhi)

Deadly Dealer + Panty Raid = Executioners Thong (Chris Doyle)

Deliberately + Men's Magazine = Calculated Risque (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

Eat Em Alive + Safety Zone = Months Ending in R (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)

Esoteric Thinker + Take It All Back = Rekant (Steve Fahey; Russell Beland)

Exhale + Bye Yawl = Halitosis (John O'Byrne, Dublin)

Exhale + Pitch = Sigh Young (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.; Pam Sweeney)

Extra Point + Approval Rating = P.A.T. on the Back (Chris Doyle)

Flying First Class + Schoolboy = First Flying Class (Russell Beland)

Forty Grams + Esoteric Thinker = Wizard of 1.4 Oz (Brendan Beary)

Gold Brew + Tenfold = Veinte Equis (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Gold Brew + Giant Sequoia = Premium Logger (Mark Eckenwiler; Brendan
Beary)

Golden Balls + I'm All Out = Pawnbroke (Cy Gardner, Arlington)

Golden Balls + NoBizLikeShobiz = Call Them Globes (Ira Goldman,
Washington)

Grasshopper + Deadly Dealer = Creme de Meth (Cy Gardner)

Great Hunter + Forty Grams = Boone's Pharmacy (Mark Eckenwiler)

Great Hunter + Gold Brew = Orion's Belt (Stuart Berlin, Derwood)

Green Secret + Hanky Panky = Kermit Loves Bert (Russell Beland)

Green Secret + Rags to Riches = Horatio Al Gore (Steve Fahey; Russell
Beland)

Happy Humor + Esoteric Thinker = Jon Stewart Mill (Mark Eckenwiler)

Highest Degree + Circular Quay = Post Dock (Valerie Matthews, Ashton)

Highest Degree + Summer Doldrums = Doctor Do Little (Lorri Mechem,
Arlington)

Kong's Revenge + Acquire the Fire = Auto-da-Fay (Jonathan Paul, Garrett
Park; Pam Sweeney)

Kong's Revenge + Eat Em Alive = No More Auntie (Marty McCullen,
Gettysburg, Pa.)

Light of the World + Exhale = Savior Breath (Mark Eckenwiler)

Light of the World + Flying Apple = Peace Core (Rick Bell, London)

Major Pleasure + Tenfold = Six Hundred Ninety (Tom Witte)

Men's Magazine + I'm All Out = Spenthouse (Joe Neff, Oreland, Pa.)

Mister White Socks + Augment = Mr Pocket Protector (Kevin Dopart,
Washington)

No Reply + OK Deputy = Nein to Fife (Pam Sweeney)

Oceanography + Backlash = Abalone! (Mark Eckenwiler)

OK Deputy + Bye Yawl = Dawgone (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

Owners Manual + So Amazing = It's In English (Laurie Brink)

Panty Raid + Acquire the Fire = BVD STD (Randy Lee, Burke)

Pavarotti + Forty Grams = The Four Tenners (Mike Hammer)

Pitch + Exhale = Nats Blow Another (Cy Gardner)

Propaganda + Hanky Panky = TriumphOfTheWilly (Mark Eckenwiler)

Rags to Riches + Cowtown Cat = Alger Hiss (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

Men's Magazine + Reporting for Duty = Stand Up N Salute (Rick Haynes,
Potomac)

Saint Paul + Extra Point = Conversion (Jan Brandstetter, Mechanicsville,
Md.; Harvey Smith, McLean)

Senior + Nobiz Like Shobiz = Angina Monologues (Ellen Raphaeli)

Something Sonic + Deadly Dealer = Seattle Slew (Dave Prevar; Mark
Eckenwiler)

Tsetse Fly + Dreaming of Anna = Sleeping Thickness (Brendan Beary)

Warn + BirdBirdIsTheWord = Duck! (Harvey Smith)

What a Tale + Liquidity = The Story of Eau (Chris Doyle)

Next Week: A Return Engagement, or Deductio ad Absurdum