Week 706: Questionable Journalism


Perhaps he should check to make sure that he does not have bad breath.

What excuse has Bill O'Reilly resorted to in an effort to explain the
president's current approval ratings?

We writers and editors at The Washington Post hope our paper's articles
will answer the questions that readers have on their minds. Of course,
we're not thinking of readers like you. This week: Take any sentence that
appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from March 24
through April 2 and come up with a question it could answer. You can use
part of a sentence, as long as that part could be a full sentence in
itself. Please cite the date and page number of the article you're using
(or if you're online, include that section of the article). The example
above is from today's Ask Amy column.

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up gets a pair of yummy treats: a vaguely brain-shaped little
dispenser of Brain Drain Liquid Candy ("Eat Your Brains Out!"), donated
by Loser Scion Erin Carnahan; and a jar of Scorned Woman mustard ("Hell
hath no fury like ..."), sent in by Ed Gordon.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called that week) get one of the
lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.
Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 2. Put "Week 706" in the subject
line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are
judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the
property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results will be published April 22. No purchase required for
entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives,
are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.
This week's Honorable Mentions name is by Kevin Dopart. The revised title
for next week's contest is by Dave Prevar of Annapolis.

Report From Week 702, in which we sought "Unreal Facts," little things to know and tell, like
the "Real Facts" inside Snapple lids, except that these, well . . .

5 A man in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, has created a ball of string the size of
the planet Jupiter. (Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)

4 The plays of Shakespeare were actually written by a different person
with the same name. (Ronald Semone, Washington)

3 In early drafts of "Citizen Kane," Rosebud was a pogo stick. (Russell
Beland, Springfield)

2 The winner of the cloth belt lettered with unintelligible misspellings
of Rolling Stones songs: Carlos Guitarra, inventor of the stringed
instrument that bears his name, had six fingers on each hand. (Steve
Fahey, Kensington)

And the Winner of the Inker

Although the Chinese outnumber us 4 to 1, Americans have a greater
combined weight. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

A Nice Set of Falsies

In Kenya, the native land of Barack Obama's father, the word "barack" can
be translated as either "clean" or "articulate." (Mike Hammer, Arlington)

For many years, Sears catalogue pages came perforated for easier use in
outhouses. (Judith Cottrill, New York)

In France, the musical "Les Misérables" is known as "The Miserables."
(Russell Beland)

Most of the world's supply of linthicum and timonium are found within a
25-mile radius of Baltimore. (Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

Columbus, Ohio, was named for a local farmer called Ebenezer Columbus.
(Martin Bancroft, Rochester, N.Y.)

Not only was Judy Garland's real name Frances Gumm, but John Wayne's real
name was Francis Gumm. (Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)

"Beelzebub" is written as "XAENE" in the Greek language version of the
Book of Revelation; it is pronounced "heinie" or "cheney." (Kevin Dopart,
Washington)

The last one-digit number to be discovered was the 7. (Joel Knanishu,
Rock Island, Ill.)

A plasma-screen TV uses plasma that manufacturers buy from funeral homes.
(Roy Ashley, Washington)

The White House is actually ecru. (Bob Kopac, Poughkeepsie, N.Y.)

In Italy, pizzas contain no cheese, tomatoes or flour. (Art Grinath,
Takoma Park)

One out of every 14 e-mails offering big money for help in an African
currency exchange is genuine. (Jack Fiorini, Williamsburg)

If you soak a new $20 bill in lemon juice overnight, the eyes on Andrew
Jackson turn red. (Mike Livingston, Takoma Park)

An unopened can of Spam found in a pharaoh's tomb was still edible after
4,000 years. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

The fruit of female banana trees is doughnut-shaped. (Russell Beland)

In the 1700s, Mohawk Indians sometimes fooled European settlers by moving
moss to the east sides of the trees. (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase)

Scooter Libby recited the first 29 digits of pi correctly in a high
school contest. (Kevin Dopart)

Jerry Mathers of "Leave It to Beaver" was convicted of insurance fraud
after faking his own death in Vietnam. (Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn)

In Japanese, "Yoko Ono" means "bony chicken that screams when plucked."
(Judith Cottrill)

No two snowflakes are completely different. (Russell Beland)

Bats urinate only while perched upside down. The noxious odor coats their
bodies with a scent that repels predators. (Patrick Mattimore, San
Francisco)

During World War II, a secret U.S. Army survey identified 4,389 atheists
in foxholes. (Bob Dalton, Arlington)

George W. Bush is the first president to use a phonic teleprompter.
(Kevin Dopart)

The MasterCard originally was to be named the Magna Carda. (Bob Kopac)

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from King Thumb, who ruled England
from 896 to 913. (David Kleinbard, Jersey City)

The act of eating celery burns more calories than it contains. (Chris
Sonnenberg, Reston)

Ancient Romans used human umbilical cords for sandal straps. (Stephen
Dudzik)

Construction on New York Avenue has now lasted longer than it took to
build the Great Pyramid at Giza. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

In Switzerland, it's American cheese that's sold with holes in it. (Mike
Hammer)

In the Southern Hemisphere, a falling cat always lands on its back. (Bob
Mulvaney, Alexandria)

Neil Armstrong hated Tang. (Russell Beland)

Before World War II, Almond Joy candy bars contained real joy. (Russell
Beland; Brendan Beary)

The tune to the Oscar Mayer wiener jingle is an upbeat version of a dirge
that Viking warriors would sing before beheading an enemy. (Mike Herring,
Washington)

There are fewer U.S. families with five children than childless couples
with five cars. (Fred B. Ruckdeschel, Bethesda)

Only by writing left-handed can one use a Bic pen upside down. (Steve
Fahey)

Manila folders are so named because the first specimens were discovered
there by Spaniards in 1720. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Worldwide, the leading cause of flight delays is goats on the runway.
(Mike Fransella, Arlington)

The "bomp" in "bomp-sha-bomp-sha-bomp" and the "ram" in
"ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong" were put in their respective phrases by Melvin R.
Quisterberry of Chippewa Falls, Wis., and Alma Fruiterman of Albany, N.Y.
(Bob Dalton)

The Internal Revenue Code contains 1,278,312 words, none of them ending
in the letter "b." (Bob Dalton)

Eskimos have more words for "snot" than for "snow." (Kevin Dopart)

Sgt. Dudley S. Doright, a retired Canadian Mountie, filed a defamation
suit against the makers of "Rocky and Bullwinkle" shortly before his
death. (Russell Beland)

Veteran ballerinas do not need to wear special toeshoes, because the
bones in their feet have become fused en pointe. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse,
N.Y.)

Jimi Hendrix's first band in high school, the Li'l Stinkers, did polkas
at weddings in the Seattle area. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Director Chuck Jones based the Porky Pig character on a real stuttering
pig his parents once owned. (Brendan Beary)

An Inker is exactly 319 Loser magnets tall (stacked flat) but weighs only
as much as 127 magnets. -- R. Beland, Springfield (Eric Murphy, Ann
Arbor, Mich.)

Next Week: Freak Trade Agreements, or Let's Fake a Deal