Week 680: Rendered Speechless
Bob Staake is a big-shot picture person. (You may have seen his work on
the Sept. 4 New Yorker cover, a feather in the cap of graphic artists
second only to publishing cartoons in The Style Invitational.) But words?
Eh. You can do it better. This week: Provide dialogue to fill the
balloons in any of these cartoons. Please send text only; don't
physically send us little pictures.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up gets a special prize, suggested by Peter Metrinko: Lunch with
the Empress at the so-apropos-to-the-results-below Waffle Shop in
Alexandria, whose awning famously displays the sign pictured below. If
you can't make it -- if you live in Wanneroo, Australia, for example --
you may have a Loser T-Shirt.
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called this week) get one of the
lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.
Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.comor by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Sept. 25. Put "Week 680" in the subject
line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are
judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the
property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results will be published Sept. 24. No purchase required for
entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives,
are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.
The Honorable Mentions name is by Brad Alexander of Wanneroo, Australia.
Next week's Revised Title is by Brendan Beary of Great Mills.
Report From Week 676, in which we asked you to create and define new words containing the
letters A, L, E and F, contiguously but in any order.
Among the more than
3,000 suggestions, the most common were "Faleure: Being eliminated in the
first round of the spelling bee" and "E-flatus: Spam." Also lots on the
subject of Mel Gibson: "melfeat," "melafela," "melfauxpas."
4 Afletic: Being able to make "Gigli" and still walk with your head held
high. (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)
3 Halfaleak-halfaleak: How Tennyson charged johnward in his old age.
(Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
2 The winner of the genuine alligator meat and the chocolate "Moose
Droppings":
Self-leapfrog: A popular Zen Buddhist game. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)
And the Winner of the Inker:
AFL-eio: The United Farm Workers. (Fran Pryluck, Amissville, Va.)
A Dictionary of Alfe-Baked Ideas
Afleccch: Enough with the duck already! (Joe Newman, Bethesda)
Alfa-elf: Santa's go-to guy. (Russell Beland, from vacation on Assawoman
Bay, Md.)
Angleface: What Picasso used to call his models. (Peter Metrinko)
Babelfavoritism: A din of inequity. (Chris Doyle)
Carafelbow: A repetitive-stress disorder of middle-class winos. (Fred S.
Souk, Reston)
Copafelt: Groped. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
Deaflect: Ignore a question by pretending not to hear it. "Bush can't
deaflect as well as Reagan either." (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Dieflagrante: To go out with a smile on your face. (Steve Fahey,
Kensington)
Deaf-lien: A Gallaudebt. (Chris Doyle)
Do-Re-Mi-Fa-Le-So-Ti-Do: How it was clear at rehearsal that the Three
Tenors had had too much vino. (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
Eiffelated: Given a warm "bonjour" at La Paris Hilton. (Jay Shuck,
Minneapolis)
EL-A-F-ingX: The Los Angeles airport as seen from gridlock on the 405.
(Ira Allen, Bethesda)
E-lafter: lol, lmao, rotfl, rotflol, rotflmao, llal, lois, lola, lool,
lolol, lshipmp, lshmbib, lshmsh, ltic, ltip, lub, etc. Anything but
"haha." (Erik Agard, Gaithersburg)
Elefanta: Peanut-flavored soda. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
Felafelass: Mideast slang for cellulite. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)
Falemactor: A bad guy who's dyslexic. (Mae Scanlan)
Halfeuthanasia: Mercy beating. (Kevin Dopart)
Heelfart: That embarrassing sound your shoe can make on a polished floor,
usually in a room with the acoustics of an echo chamber. (Peter Metrinko)
Heflation: The increasing age difference between the arm candy and the
arm. (Jay Shuck)
Hermaphroditefallacy: Some drivers are men. Some drivers are women.
Therefore some drivers are both men and women. (Chris Doyle)
Inhalefibber: Clinton, duh. (Chris Doyle)
Leafonomics: The belief that money grows on trees. (Michael Peck,
Alexandria)
Lefadalite: Where you toin to get to the Brooklyn Bridge. (Joe Newman)
Lifelay: Spouse. (Ross Elliffe, Picton, New Zealand)
Navelfap: The sound made by two middle-aged bellies during lovemaking.
(Peter Metrinko)
Nippleface: What would be way too mean to call someone with bad acne.
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
Palefake: Michael Jackson. (Elwood Fitzner)
Peaflamer: Evidence that schoolrooms are getting more and more dangerous.
(Peter Metrinko)
Preflab: Food. (Elwood Fitzner)
Reflamingo: To put back your yard art after your snooty guests leave.
(Russell Beland)
Shelfacade: Den decor featuring sets of impressive-looking books you've
never read. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)
Specula-fetish: Something that will likely limit your dating success.
(Kevin Dopart)
Towelfare: Treating yourself to the hotel's linens. (Tom Witte)
Veranda-elf: The more refined cousin of the garden gnome. (Peter Metrinko)
Wife-language: What you'd understand if you really loved me. (Kevin
Dopart)
Next Week: The News Gets Verse, or Scanning the Headlines