Week 675: Cut Us Some Slack


You know how it is by August: Your brain deserves its summer vacation
already. The Empress's is lounging poolside (well, actually it's judging
all those limericks from last week's contest) and so we'll just
indolently slap up this contest suggestion from Peter Metrinko of
Chantilly: Come up with humorous ways to be lazy.

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up receives a very cool and pretty thingy called a hand boiler,
which consists of two glass bulbs with coils of tubes between them and
colored liquid inside. When your hands warm the bottom bulb, the increase
in gas pressure makes the liquid rise through the coils to the top bulb.
So it's educational, see? Because it's science!

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called this week) get one of the
lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.
Send your entries by e-mail tolosers@washpost.comor by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 21. Put "Week 675" in the subject
line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are
judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the
property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results will be published Sept. 10. No purchase required for
entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives,
are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.
The Honorable Mentions name is by Brad Alexander. The Revised Title for
next week's contest is by Brendan Beary. The hand boiler was donated by
Dave Prevar.

Report From Week 671, in which we asked you to coin a hyphenated word by combining the
beginning and end of any two words in the July 16 Style and Arts
sections.

A few of your more pathological Losers (accounting for more
than half the entries below) must have pored over every last word of two
or more syllables in both sections. One of them submitted 187 entries.
The Empress awards Karen Bracey, the long-suffering wife of Chris Doyle,
a boyfriend pillow.

4 Prob-solutely: A definite maybe. (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)

3 Sound-adoxically: How a tree falls in an uninhabited forest. (Chris
Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

2 The winner of the Cat Butts field guide and magnets: Hezbol-lywood:
Where they make those terrorist video communiques. (Deborah Guy, Columbus)
And the Winner of the Inker

Politi-geist: Al Gore, he's baaaack. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Missed Connections

Suck-istan: Transylvania. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Ca-tock: That NPR show with the two cackling guys from Boston. (Kevin
Dopart)

Accompa-tus: The extra partner in a menage a trois. "We were joined by
the accompatus of love." (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Smorgas-wear: Elastic-waist pants. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Taunt-o: The Lone Ranger's first sidekick, the one who called him
"Kemoslobby." (Chris Doyle)

Down-George: The German chancellor's urgent message to the U.S.
president. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Virgin-sult: It used to be that "tramp" was the worst thing you could
call a teenage girl. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)

Blush-mare: One of those dreams where you're naked in public. (Tom Witte)

Oy-veyances: Where the seats hurt your tuchis and they serve what they
should be embarrassed to call meals. (Kevin Dopart)

Prince-phants: Freakishly large ears. "Thank goodness William and Harry
don't have their father's prince-phants." (Brendan Beary)

Ador-ky: Cute and nerdy at the same time. (Chris Doyle)

Mag-nets: The de rigueur accessories touted on "Pimp My Bass Boat." (Bob
Dvorak, Saugerties, N.Y.)

Privi-lelujah: A shout of joy upon reaching the front of the restroom
line. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Self-fest: Well, it doesn't take a pocket scientist to figure out what
this means. (Peter Metrinko)

Pseudo-harmonic: The sound of an air guitar duet. (Russell Beland,
Springfield)

Car-ca: Hubcaps, mufflers and other highway droppings. (Kevin Dopart)

Fan-ter: The
Oh-My-Gosh-Trouble-With-Tribbles-Is-My-Favorite-Star-Trek-Episode-Too
school of communication. (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

Scot-agogue: Temple Macbeth-El. (Chris Doyle)

Pun-flection: After hearing someone say "so to speak," racking your brain
for the joke. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

Pre-jected: When she's decided she's just not into you, even before
you've told her all about your bottle cap collection. (Brad Alexander,
Wanneroo, Australia)

Bare-axed: Fired from Chippendale's. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

Islam-vice: Whatever horrible offenses committed by those 72 virgins that
doomed them to an afterlife servicing a suicide bomber. (Pam Sweeney)

Pseudo-room: One of the BRs in many a "2BR" apartment. (David Kleinbard,
Jersey City)

Count-spanking: Probably the least effective way to rid the world of
Dracula. (G. Smith, Reston)

Abom-shell: Disgustingly sexy, e.g., Paris Hilton. (Kevin Dopart)

Edu-stick: The newest fad in teaching -- a motivational aid that uses a
limb from a hickory tree. (Peter Metrinko)

Ene-mans: Ex-Lax coffee cake. (Chris Doyle)

Ques-ties: Softball inquiries by suck-up interviewers, e.g., "Mr.
President, do you worry that you may be jeopardizing your health by
working so tirelessly to achieve freedom around the globe?" (Michelle
Stupak)

Oklaho-house: Where the gals just cain't say no. (Brendan Beary)

Ef-nology: Sex education. (Tom Witte)

Nether-plex: A multi-screen adult movie house. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Smorgas-mic: Enjoying a buffet that really hits the spot. (Kevin Dopart)

Roo-room: Believe me, you'd rather die than go in there. (Chris Doyle)

Prosely-jacked: When what was a pleasant conversation turns to whether
you've been saved or were you planning to go to Hell. (Pam Sweeney)

Trump-beaver: That thing on top of The Donald's head. (Peter Metrinko)

Trou-droponic: Clintonian. (Brendan Beary)

Per-vitation: You want me to WHAT? (Ross Elliffe, Picton, New Zealand)

Pre-voiding: Gathering a cup of coffee and the newspaper before visiting
the john. (Dave Pre-Var, Annapolis)

Tax-raiser: A last-term congressman. (M. Lilly Welsh, Oakton)

Tumble-folded: What a bachelor's laundry is. (Brad Alexander)

Hang-tendees: The crowd at the surfing championship. (Chris Doyle)

Philharmon-dieu: A bad night at l'Orchestre de Paris. (Brendan Beary)

Wilder-seum: Future name for what'll be left of the Amazon rain forest.
(Jay Shuck)

Poly-front: A hermaphrodite. (Tom Witte)

Hell-billies: Beelzebubbas. (Chris Doyle)

Urine-vitational: See, it's not just poop jokes anymore. (Kevin Dopart)

Next Week: Just Sign Here, or Your Way O'er the Highway