Week 671: Join Now!


Nut-tire: What they're wearing to the Dress Like Hardware ball.

Or, as we usually call it, "Hyphen the Terrible": Hyphenate the beginning
and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the July 16
Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. Each part
should consist of at least one syllable but can't be the entire word.
Readers on washingtonpost.com after today: Click on "Print Edition" at
the top of the page, then on "View Previous Editions." Both halves of the
example are from this column.

Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up gets the excellent Cat Butts field guide and set of magnets
comparing various breeds' butts, donated by Stephanie Yoo of Macedon, N.Y.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable Mentions (or whatever they're called this week) get one of the
lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.
Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 24. Put "Week 671" in the subject
line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are
judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the
property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or
content. Results will be published Aug. 6. No purchase required for
entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives,
are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified.
The Honorable Mentions name is by Deborah Guy of Columbus. The Revised
Title for next week's contest is by Elden Carnahan of Laurel.

Report From Week 667, a recurring contest in which we asked you to take any sentence appearing
in the June 18-26 Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com and supply a
question it could answer.

A few of your more nutcase Losers combed through every last word in eight days of papers and submitted hundreds of
entries, many of them hilarious. Hence the lopsided representation below.

4 We don't try to be perfect -- we just bumble along, and we don't let a
mistake here and there crash our entire existence.

What new slogan was written to revive morale in the nuclear power
industry? (Russell Beland, Springfield)

3 "I'll do it if you get a man to do it first."

What did Lisa Marie say to Michael Jackson on their wedding night? (Kevin
Dopart, Washington)

2 The winner of the half a coffee mug promoting the HalfLytely Bowel Prep
Kit:

He was an attorney, briefly.

What ever became of that kid from the Tom Swifties jokes? (Brendan Beary,
Great Mills)

And the Winner of the Inker

I feel for the guy.

Ms. Hilton, what do you do upon entering a darkened room? (Kevin Dopart,
Washington)

At the End of the Q

If you're not the daughter of a hotel magnate and don't enjoy the entree
that brings, then perhaps you can trampoline your way to YouTube fame,
and be just like Emmalina.

What advice was given to graduates at the Vassar commencement address
this year? (Deborah Guy, Columbus)

The bar's trademark is three deer posteriors over the bathroom doors.

I know pawnbrokers use three globes as a sign, but what does the law
profession use? (Russell Beland)

In late afternoon, most homes without power were in the District.

What prompted the D.C. Statehood Party to say, "Tell us something we
don't already know"? (Howard Walderman, Columbia)

We are not an art gallery.

What did Queen Victoria say when Prince Albert suggested she get a
butterfly tattoo? (Kevin Dopart)

You bear some responsibility for the mess you're in -- because of the
choices you've made to be in -- and stay in -- this relationship.

Why should I, a voter, worry about the war? (Ross Elliffe, Picton, New
Zealand)

What kind of strange things?

Would you rather get hit by a bus or have strange things crawling around
in your pants? (Elaine Chung, Rockville, and Ramita Dewan, Burtonsville)

We should sharply warn North Korea against further escalation.

You think Kim Jong Il should keep wearing those elevator shoes? (David
Kleinbard, Jersey City)

A measure approved in a 298 to 221 vote by a national assembly keeps in
place a Presbyterian church law that says clergy, lay elders and deacons
must limit sexual relations to a man-woman marriage.

What's a good example of how a single comma can make all the difference?
(Brendan Beary)

"I feel really honored and privileged," said Vigneault, who spent last
season with the Manitoba Moose.

How did that Canadian guy feel when he finally landed a human girlfriend?
(Brendan Beary)

The key to getting ahead in life is a writing a good résumé, Sherman.

Mr. Peabody, why am I stuck in reruns getting history lessons from a dog
while you land a gig in "Dilbert"? (Julius Sanks, Ashburn)

But what would you expect from a cold-blooded reptile that has been
blindfolded, strapped to a board and inserted into a doughnut-like
machine for a computer-imaging test called a CT scan?

Didn't Rumsfeld seem awfully irritable when that reporter asked him about
Abu Ghraib after his annual physical? (G. Smith, Reston)

Three hits and no runs.

How does Patrick Kennedy's driving record differ from his father's?
(Russell Beland)

So if you change one then you change the other.

Why does my wife give me a page-a-day calendar every year, and draw
little pictures of underwear on each page? (Brendan Beary)

Is 5,500 units too much or too little?

Looking back on her love life, what does Madonna sometimes wonder?
(Brendan Beary)

Your laptop has an oozing, suppurating lesion.

But little boy, why don't you want to talk to Santa? (Russell Beland)

Ramshackle houses were side by side with forges and factories, and the
air was constantly thick with smoke and soot.

What was it like when you got to the "Under a half-million" portion of
the D.C. Tour of Homes? (Russell Beland)

They should not be surprised.

How do cardiac patients differ from unappreciated housewives? (Russell
Beland)

Our national bird.

What is the one driving hand signal most Americans still use? (Peter
Metrinko, Chantilly)

Other possibilities on the list: "Lover, Beloved, Love," "Creator,
Savior, Sanctifier" and "King of Glory, Prince of Peace and Spirit of
Love."

What were some of the rejected names for the Three Stooges? (Peter
Metrinko)

Pick up your pens, people.

What did the West Virginia teacher say to the students at the beginning
of the SAT session? (Peter Metrinko)

The investigators tried a different tack.

What happened after the "Wanted" poster fell off the bulletin board? (Jay
Shuck, Minneapolis)

Since my frame was an older French model, it required an obsolete French
bottom bracket.

Gerard Depardieu, did the surgeon have any difficulty with your fanny
tuck? (Bird Waring, New York; Brendan Beary)

Visions of book contracts danced in my head.

What happened as Santa's sleigh knocked your husband dead? (Russell
Beland)

NBC has sent a production crew of 100.

Is Brad and Angelina's first attempt to change a diaper by themselves
really newsworthy? (Russell Beland)

Find the right size cork stoppers from American Science & Surplus at
sciplus.com.

Can you recommend a natural treatment for my diarrhea? (Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village)

With some research you can find out what they are and determine if your
neighbors are violating them.

What is the first tip in "All About Livestock," West Virginia's handbook
for new residents? (Kevin Dopart)

Women are good at that!

Why are all the Harvard science labs so nicely decorated? -- Lawrence
Summers, Cambridge, Mass. (Kevin Dopart)

He recently returned from a trip to Sierra Leone, where he was inducted
as a tribal chief in the village of Ngalu.

Why do people think that Al Gore won't be running again after all?
(Michelle Stupak)

And Last: When you get your own 1,000th ink, she'll let you do it, too.

Does she really sleep with that jerk just because he has a lot of
tattoos? (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

Next Week: Cut From the Chase, or Perp Prose