Week 660: Foaling Down: The Next Generation


As usual, our 11th (!!) annual breed-the-Derby- nominees contest drew an enormous stampede of entries -- thousands and thousands. In fact, it was the largest response that the Empress has had to contend with so far in her 121-week reign; she is only now beginning to lift her battered self from the dirt, dust off her silks and . . . well, they always say you should get right back on the horse. So, clearly still a bit logy, she decided to take up Horse Name Obsessive Loser Russell Beland on a suggestion to "breed" any two of the winning "offspring" included in the entries at right, and name THEIR foal. This time around, however: If a long list of entries arrives single-spaced, it may well not be read all the way through. Have some mercy, people. The names must have a maximum of 18 characters including spaces, and they shouldn't come close to duplicating any of today's results.

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up, courtesy of the good graces of Loser Dave Prevar, gets a really ugly ball cap with a blob of fake dog do on the visor. On the cap, in crummy lettering, are the words "[figure it out] Head." (If you win and your mother says you can't have it, we will send you something else.)

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions (or whatever they're called this week) get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail tolosers@washpost.comor by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 8. Put "Week 660" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published May 28. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Kevin Dopart of Washington.

Report From Week 656: As always, there were tons of clever entries and tons of duplication. Most common theme: "Brokeback" everything. Among other nice but too frequent entries: "Racketeer + Up an Octave = Tony Soprano"; "Kennebunkport + Press Gently = Maine Squeeze"; and "A Big Mistake + Up an Octave = Bris Miss." Note: As thorough and systematic as she is, the Empress concedes the remote possibility that someone out there sent the same entry as one of those below but was not credited. If this has happened to you, please change your name to the one mentioned below so that the credit will be correct. Thank you.

5 Breed Doc Cheney with Tug o'War and name the foal Student Deferment (Arlee C. Green, Newington)

4 A Giant Valentine + Racketeer = Romeo and Joliet (Dennis Lindsay, Seabrook)

3 Rob 'Em Blind + Within Reason = Rob 'Em Myopic (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

2 The winner of Picasso's Nose and van Gogh's Ear: He's a Lumberjack + Lawyer Ron = Chop Suey (Rich Muenchow, Bethesda)

And the Winner of the Inker
1 Record + Doc Cheney = No. 1 With a Bullet (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

The Also-Rans

Achilles of Troy + Tug o'War and name the foal Heel and Tow (Mark Eckenwiler)

+ Tiznow or Never = Priam Time (Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)

+ Lightning Romance = Love Me Tendon (Russell Beland, Springfield)

+ Yes He's the Man = Heel Do (Roy Ashley, Washington)

+ Doc Cheney = Heel Thyself (Stephen Dudzik, Olney; Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

+ El Chile Dog = Heel! (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Americanrevolution + Morethanamouthful = 17769 (Beth Morgan, Palo Alto, Calif.)

Art Museum + Master of Disaster = MoMA Gaddafi (Stephen Dudzik)

+ Laptop Computer = Louvred Windows (Stephen Dudzik)

+ Morethanamouthful = Guggenheimlich (Chris Doyle)

+ Tug o'War = Venus De Milo (Laurel Gainor, Great Falls)

+ Rob 'Em Blind = TakeTheMonetAndRun (Chris Doyle)

+ Laptop Computer = Framer in the Dell (Harvey Smith, McLean)

Circle the World + Express News = Phileas Blog (Brian Barrett, New York; Greg Pearson, Arlington)

Bob and John + With a City = Denver (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)

Confederate + Up an Octave = Treble Yell (Chris Doyle)

+ Record = 0-1 (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Bluegrass Cat + Totally Gone = Flatt Broke (Paul Burnham, Gainesville)

Crossword + Tug O'War = Buy Two Papers (David Franks, Wichita)

+ Doc Cheney = One Down (Dave Brewer, Shoreline, Wash.; Nancy Israel, Bethesda; John O'Byrne, Dublin)

Devil's Concierge + Ever a Friend = Beelzebuddy (Roy Ashley)

Doc Cheney + Dubai Gold = Lamé Duck (Beth Morgan)

+ Lawyer Ron = Lawyer, Run! (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

Eight Ball + Rehoboth = Four Sunbathers (Elden Carnahan)

El Chile Dog + Big Mistake = DontReallyUseDog (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)

+ Dubai Gold = Wiener Takes Oil (Chris Doyle)

Fabled + Like Now = ASAP Fables (Brendan Beary)

Get Off the Sugar + Little Genius = Poindextrose (Stephen Dudzik)

First Samurai + Doc Cheney = 28 Gauge Shogun (Mark Eckenwiler)

+ Eight Ball = Sushi Cue (Mark Eckenwiler)

He's a Lumberjack + Circle the World = Bunyan Rings

(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

+ Private Vow = Don't Ax Don't Tell (Laura Bennett Peterson; Dudley Thompson, Cary, N.C.)

+ Eight Ball = Ax Again Later (Mark Eckenwiler)

+ I Believe in Me = I'm OK, He's OK (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Jolted and Jostled + Last Gran Standing = Not for Long (David Franks)

+ Achilles of Troy = QB on the DL (Russell Beland)

Kennebunkport + Hemingway's Key = The Son Also Rises (Mark Eckenwiler; Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)

Ice N Lemon + Get Off the Sugar = DiabeTeas (Carol June Hooker, Landover Hills)

+ Too Much Bling = Mr. Tea (Ernie Staples, Silver Spring)

Little Genius + He's Got Grit = He's Got Trig (Rich Muenchow)

Lightning Romance + Big Mistake = Thunder Clap (Mark Eckenwiler)

Lawyer Ron + Press Gently = Legal Tender (Mark Eckenwiler)

Last Gran Standing + Itsallboutthechase = AllAboutTheChaise (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

Malameeze + Morethanamouthful = Mammareeze (Tom Witte)

Music From Heaven + A Big To'Do = Fran's List (Russell Beland)

+ He's Got Grit = Celestial Hominy (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

Press Gently + Sayhellotolarry = L King Live (Russell Beland)

Racketeer + I Believe in Me = Confidence Game (Russell Beland, Chris Doyle)

Refinery + Crossword = Crude Remark (Stephen Dudzik)

+ Flashy Bull = Oil of Olé (Elden Carnahan; Chris Doyle; Sam Laudenslager, Burke)

+ Devil's Concierge = Phillips 666 (Chris Doyle)

Showing Up + Big Mistake = Ron at Nicole's (Brad Alexander)

Sorcerer's Stone + El Chile Dog = Harry Pooter (Ned Bent, Oak Hill)

Starbucks Day + Up an Octave = Higher Grounds (Harvey Smith)

Sweetnorthernsaint + Lawyer Ron = Sue Ste. Marie (Mark Eckenwiler)

Rob 'Em Blind + With a City = It Takes a Pillage (Brian Barrett)

Tiznow or Never + Well Said = It Is Now or Never (Russell Beland)

Up an Octave + Laptop Computer = Unix (Tom Witte; Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

War God + Press Gently = Mars Kneads Women (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

+ Lemon Law = Dodge Ares (Brendan Beary)

Your Tent or Mine + Racketeer = Bivouwhacked (Mark Eckenwiler)

Zodiac Zack + Big Mistake = To Aries Human (Pam Sweeney)

Steppenwolfer + Refinery = Magic Tar Pit Ride (Brian Barrett)

+ War God = MagicCarpetBombing (Stephen Rothandler, Alexandria)

+ Get Off the Sugar = Born to Be Wired (David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.; Ernie Staples)

+ Well Said = Born to Be Wilde (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

+ Last Gran Standing = Born to Be Wheeled (Beth Morgan)

+ Lethal Missile = Hessebollah (Noah Bartlett, Washington)

Next Week: Nuts Fruit, or Gross National Produce