Week 657: Nuts Fruit


Contrary to scurrilous rumor, you do NOT have to write silly, juvenile
stuff to get ink in The Style Invitational. This week you can just take
silly, juvenile pictures. For The Invitational's inaugural photo contest,
we ask you to send in funny (but printable) images of real pieces of
fruit -- no risque bananas hardehardehar. You can decorate them, write on
them, carve them up (even digitally). But the photos must be original,
and must not have been published elsewhere. If you steal from the Web,
you are going to be mercilessly hung out to dry right in this space, not
to mention the corrections box, like the dustiest of old prunes. Two
exceptions to normal Invitational practice: You can e-mail the photos as
attachments in standard digital formats (we'll contact you if we can't
open them up properly; try for jpegs no more than 1,500 pixels wide) or
you may mail them to the address in the wee type below. No faxes, duh.
We're not returning any photos because we need something to dress up our
bulletin boards here.

The definitive Whimsical Fruit Art is the peerlessly adorable work of
Saxton Freymann, of the classic "Play With Your Food" and other books. So
just outdo that guy in the next eight days -- it's all we ask.

The winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up receives a display of nine sizable samples of SynLawn
artificial grass, including SynFescue (polyethylene and nylon), SynBlue
(100 percent nylon) and SynTipede (0 percent bugs).

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational
Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail
tolosers@washpost.comor by mail to Style Invitational Photo Contest, The
Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Deadline is
Monday, April 17. Include "Week 657" in the subject line of your e-mail,
or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and
phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on humor and
originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post.
Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published May
7. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and
their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous
entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest
is by John O'Byrne of Dublin. The Honorable Mentions name is by Brad
Alexander of Wanneroo, Australia.


Report From Week 653, in which we asked you to coin and define words or phrases based on
someone's name:

4 Yogiberrata: Sayings that ought to be corrected, but then they wouldn't
be right. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

3 Blix-and-mortars: Said of two types of things never found together.
"Bill Frist campaigning at a Wiccan Festival would be like
blix-and-mortars." (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

2 The winner of the Flying Spaghetti Monster car plaque (below):

Disputin: To invite a one-way ticket to the gulag. "Ever since the
Khodorkovsky verdict, Russians have been afraid to disputin." (Steve
Ettinger, Chevy Chase)

And the Winner of the Inker

1 Dean: 1. To make a complete change in occupations, such as going from
singing to selling sausage; 2. To wreck a sports car; 3. To snitch on a
corrupt politician; 4. To ruin one's career by resorting to weird
shouting. "He used the money he made deaning to buy a Porsche that he
ended up deaning right after he decided to dean out that governor who had
deaned his way right out of the primaries." (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Selected Lowlights

Angelou: To wrap bad poetry in gravitas by employing a deep, stentorian
voice: "You may angelou all you want," the teacher scolded, "but it's
still just a dirty limerick." (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)

Dobson's Choice: The requirement that the president nominate to the
Supreme Court either a reactionary arch-conservative or an evangelical
arch-conservative. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

Enfant terrellible: An egregiously self-centered athlete. (Tom Greening,
North Bethesda)

Not to mention: T.O.: To insult coworkers, violate workplace standards
and practices, and show little regard for clients. "Despite his smile and
performance record, he still managed to T.O. everyone in the office."
(Ira Allen, Bethesda)

Vindiesel: A noxious, oily fossil fuel, or the implausible lumbering
vehicles supposedly propelled by same. (Brendan Beary)

Greenspanish: Cryptic yet extremely influential language. (Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village)

Cochronicle: A story told in verse. "He was on trial, for quite a while.
Tried on a glove, and got no love." (Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

Fiddy: Inclined to brag about sociopathic behavior: "One Dolla, who is
twice as fiddy as 50 Cent, stole 42 cars, spent six years in JV and was
shot eight times by police before making the logical transition to the
music industry." (Jeff Brechlin)

Abramoffer: A gift that would never, ever lead any legislator to betray
his conscience or his constituents and would never influence his vote in
any way. Ever. (John Shea, Lansdowne, Pa.; Dot Yufer, Newton, W.Va.)

Bonds: To share drugs with your teammates. "Barry and I did a little male
bondsing before the big game." (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

Simonize: To criticize hurtfully. "To be perfectly honest, I've heard
better singing from a wounded animal," the judge simonized to Singer No.
2. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis; Louis B. Raffel, Northbrook, Ill.)

Kaineing: A severe legislative defeat. "The governor got a brutal
kaineing from the Republicans on his slow-sprawl bill." (Daniel Hupfer,
Springfield)

Lola: To encounter a mixed-up, muddled-up, shook-up world. "We have to
find a pickup bar with better lighting -- it's just too easy to lola
here." (Russell Beland)

DeLaissez-faire: The practice of looking the other way regarding
questionable campaign contribution schemes. (Julie Klavens, Baltimore)

Sharonstone: To show more skin than justified at one's age. "Ewwww,
Sally's mom sharonstoned us at the pool party." (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Manilobotomy: A procedure to remove that godawful nagging tune out of
your head. (Brendan O'Byrne, Regina, Saskatchewan)

Paristocracy: The class of people born to the lifestyle of the rich and
clueless. (Deborah Guy, Columbus, Ohio)

Vannalism: A form of graffiti that is displayed only a letter at a time.
(Brendan Beary)

Kobe: To buy off a spouse after an adulterous affair is discovered: "He
had to kobe up a $4 million diamond to pay for that one-night stand."
(Ken Rosenau, Washington)

Sanctum Santorum: The holiest of holier-than-thou political philosophies.
(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Chert: To fail to pay attention, with dangerous consequences. "I wouldn't
chert off those flood warnings if I were you." (Dan Seidman, Watertown,
Mass.)

Ojaywalking: Making the rounds on a golf course in search of your wife's
killer. (Jon Reiser)

Billdo: A cigar. (Nick Curtis, Gaithersburg)

Frist: To make a quick judgment on insufficient evidence. "The specialist
fristed whiplash after examining the scrape on the patient's bumper."
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel; Elizabeth Stamper, Watertown, N.Y.)

Nader: To sabotage or undermine. The beauty contestant nadered her
roommate's chances by pouring Nair into her shampoo. (Gordon Labow,
Glenelg)

Larryking: A slow-pitch softball that doesn't even reach the plate. (Marc
Naimark, Paris)

Halliburtion: The process of destroying something and then hiring oneself
to rebuild it. (Brendan O'Byrne)

Bidentime: Shooting the breeze instead of asking a nominee questions.
"After the senator from Delaware had rambled on for his entire
questioning period, the Republicans on the Judiciary Committee put in
some bidentime as well." (Steve Ettinger)

Partonnage: One's bust size. (Tom Witte)

Timmeadows: the pasture to which most "Saturday Night Live" cast members
disappear. (Brendan Beary)

Alitosis: A fear that opening one's mouth might offend somebody. (Dave
Kelsey, Fairfax)

Next Week: It Plays to Recycle, or How the Waste Was Won