Week 656: It's Post Time


Ever a Friend + Throng = What's Throng

Barbican + Up an Octave = Ken Can't

El Chile Dog + Irving's Run = Irving's Runs

It's yet another time around the track for one of the year's most popular
wastes of time. Here is a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old
racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races. You get to
"breed" any two of these contenders -- never mind that almost every one
is male -- and name their hypothetical foal. Like the names of the real
horses, the foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined.
We don't want to put a limit on how many entries you can submit, but
remember that this is the Kentucky Derby of humor contests, and, say,
"Brilliant + Confederate = Robert E. Lee" isn't quite gonna make the cut
for cleverness and originality. So don't send every last thing that
occurs to you. There's only one Empress here.

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up gets a matched set of Van Gogh's Nose and Picasso's Ear, both
courtesy of Truly Artistic Loser Kevin Mellema of Falls Church. These are
rubbery things you can toss against a wall or computer, and then they'll
slide slowly down. (Kevin modestly declined to offer up his own body
parts, considering himself no more accomplished than Pissarro or Braque.)

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable mentions (or whatever they're called this week) get one of the
lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.
Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have
to, by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, April 10. Put "Week 656"
in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam.
Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry.
Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries
become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for
taste or content. Results will be published April 30, the Sunday before
the Kentucky Derby. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The
Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for
prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for
next week's contest is by Tom Witte of Montgomery Village. The Honorable
Mentions name is discourtesy of Meg Sullivan of Potomac.

REPORT FROM WEEK 652, our perennial "Jeopardy!"-style game in which you came up with questions
for our 12 bizarre "answers":

4 Answer: Brown v. Board of Zoning Appeals, Gaithersburg. Question: What
event led to the tragic Clarksburg Latte Riots of 2006? (Kevin Dopart,
Washington)

3 The California Raisinets: What name is the '60s rock group Moby Grape
performing under now?

(Art Grinath, Takoma Park; Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

2 The winner of the children's book "You Have Head Lice!": The things
that you're liable to read in the Bible: What is the first line of this
poem? ". . . are marvelous stories in many respects,/ Relating
begettings, dismemberment, tribal/ Hostilities, murder, incestuous sex."
(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)
And the Winner of the Inker:

1 Pyramus and Frisbee: What couple had an ill-fated fling? (Sue Lin
Chong, Baltimore)
And the Blindfolded Monkey's Dart Also Landed On . . .

17 percentage points

What's the Bush administration's new definition of "mandate"? (Jay Shuck,
Minneapolis)

What does Dick Cheney have left to lose? (Mark Young, Washington)

What is the increase in odds for an average Loser to get ink in The Style
Invitational if Brendan Beary is allowed to win only once each week?
(Drew Bennett, Alexandria)

Fruit of the Lame

What's the Secret Service code name for the Bush twins? (Jeff Brechlin,
Eagan, Minn.)

Who is Sean Preston Federline? (Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn; Katelynn
Kem, Herndon)

What company manufactures that "Home of the Whopper" underwear? (Art
Grinath)

The things that you're liable to read in the Bible:

What is absolute proof of the validity of your own personal views? (Kevin
O'Connor, Burtonsville)

What line did Ira Gershwin compose after "Faith and begorrah, Paddy's
readin' the Torah?" didn't get any laughs in Boston? (Peter Metrinko)

What shalt thou not do? (Judith Cottrill, New York)

What makes you feel you really ought to get stoned? (Russell Beland,
Springfield)

What tattoos might you find on Jerry Falwell? (Jeff Brechlin)

Absolutely not in a Metro car

Would it better to dunk doughnuts in a cup of coffee in St. Peter's
during Mass or in a Metro car? (Fil Feit, Annandale)

Where will you hear the correct pronunciations of "L'Enfant" and
"Judiciary"? (Ira Allen; Ezra Deutsch-Feldman, Bethesda; Elden Carnahan,
Laurel)

If Jesus returned, where could He perform one of his feed-the-multitudes
miracles? (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

What did Bill Clinton tell Hillary about his relationship with Monica
that is entirely true? (Larry Carnahan, Arlington)

Do women still expect us to help them into the front seat and close the
door before going around to the other side? (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City,
N.D.)

Bruce Springstein-Goldfarb

Who is the frontman for the Oy Street Band? (John Rogers, Waldorf; Mark
Young)

Who sang, "Bubbe, we were born to run"? (Chris Doyle)

The California Raisinets

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger rename his family jewels after years of
steroid use? (Stephanie Yoo, Macedon, N.Y.; Mike McNeil, White Hall,
W.Va.)

What is the name of the San Diego senior citizen swim team? (Judith
Cottrill)

Definitely Not Control-Top Pantyhose

What was the biggest surprise in "The Crying Game?" (Sue Lin Chong)

What did William Donald Schaefer say after he asked the intern to walk
past him again? (Steve Fischer, Annapolis)

Given the choice among control-top pantyhose, a Kevlar vest and a Day-Glo
orange hat, what do you want to bring on a hunting trip with the vice
president? (Marc Leibert, New York)

What was the costume department's brilliant idea during filming of "Basic
Instinct?" (Ira Allen, Bethesda; Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)

Angelina Jolie's pinkie

What is attached to the other end of Brad Pitt's nose ring? (Selma
Mathias Ferris, Harrisonburg, Va.)

There is more talent in Reese Witherspoon's pinkie than in what? (Jay
Shuck)

What is Brad Pitt after a full day of nude sunbathing? (Brad Alexander,
Wanneroo, Australia)

What can I get you to bring back for me? And it'll hurt, right? You're
not a cop, are you? -- J. Aniston, Los Angeles (Mark Young)

What will Brad wear as a pendant after they're married? (John Kupiec,
Fairfax)

Rock-Paper-Scissors for Dummies

What uses real rocks, paper and scissors? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

What's third on the West Virginia bestseller list after "Who Is Buried in
Grant's Tomb for Dummies" and "The Big Book of Sudokus With Almost All
the Numbers Filled In Already"? (Candadai K. Madhavan, Alexandria; Tom
Witte, Montgomery Village)

In what game does a Winston Churchill always beat an Adolf Hitler?
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

Brown v. Board of Zoning Appeals, Gaithersburg

Which Supreme Court case ended the ugly legacy of Plessy v. Ferguson
Towing? (Jay Shuck)

What fictitious case was the plot device for the Peanuts flop "It's Your
Petition for a Land Use Variance, Charlie Brown"? (Brendan Beary)

So what is Marcia Clark doing now? (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Pyramus and Frisbee

What did they play during intermission at Shakespeare in the Park? (John
Folse, Bryans Road)

What mythological story was turned into a musical, "The Fantasdisks"?
(Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)

Maxwell's Alabastrite? Ball Peen Hammer

What did Agent Smart use to finally nail 99? (Rob Kloak, Springfield)

What was Ted Bundy's favorite collectible from the Franklin Mint? (Kevin
Dopart)

In addition to "Lucy in the Sky With a Diamond Drill Bit" and "I Want to
Hold Your Handsaw," what song did Paul and Ringo sing at their gig at a
Peoria Home Depot? (Jeff Brechlin)

Next Week: It's the Eponymy, Stupid, or Ne-who-logisms