Week 646: Warped Perspectives


Esteemed (adj., syn: employed as a charity case) Style Invitational
cartoonist Bob "Robert" Staake offers these puzzling scribblings. What to
make of them? Depends on who you are. This week: Tell us how two
different types of people, animals, organizations, etc., would interpret
any of these cartoons.

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up gets a prize that was actually awarded on Feb. 16, 2003, to
Beverly Miller of Vermont: the Eggbutt Horseball, which is a ball that is
a toy for a horse. (How the horse knows it's supposed to play ball, we
don't know.) Anyway, Beverly had the misfortune of winning her contest
under the Czar rather than the Empress, and so she never got her prize.
Contacted recently, Beverly willingly offered it up again in exchange for
a Loser Magnet and a $42,000 settlement.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational
Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail
tolosers@washpost.comor by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Jan.
30. Include "Week 646" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks
being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number
with your entry. Contests are judged on humor and originality. All
entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited
for taste or content. Results will be published Feb. 19. No purchase
required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate
relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be
disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Douglas
Frank of Crosby, Tex.


Report From Week 642, when the Empress asked for new, original words beginning with O, P, Q, R
or S.

As you'll see below, many of the entries turned out to be
portmanteau words, or two words smushed together; or the old classic of
an existing word changed by one letter. But there are also some that
really matched the contest, like the first runner-up: They're words for
concepts that cried out for a good word to describe them. Note: Many
people sent in novel meanings for actual words (e.g., "Placid: A mild
form of LSD," from Tom Witte of Montgomery Village). This was
specifically forbidden in the rules. Because it is another contest. Save
those entries for another time.

4 Scatalyst: Someone with the opposite of the Midas touch. (Tom Witte,
Montgomery Village)

3 Scienara: A rejection of reason and evidence. "The Kansas Board of
Education said scienara to evolution." (Jonathan Guberman, Princeton,
N.J.)

2 The winner of the dreidel-motif hospital scrub shirt: Postrophe: A
punctuation mark used to indicate plurals and third-person verbs. "Using
lot's of postrophe's make's writing very good." (Steve Langer, Chevy
Chase)

1 And the Winner of the Inker

Oxymorose: Laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.

(Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

And a Dictionary of Honorable Mentions

Occupotion: That afternoon coffee that gets you through the rest of the
day. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)

Ogul: A bigshot in the porno biz. (Ed Gordon, Ashburn)

Onanotechnology: The latest in inflatable dolls. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth,
Mo.)

O'nyms: Pseudo-Irish names given to American products, like O'Doul's Fake
Beer. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Oopsnoxious: Said of someone who "accidentally" bumps into women at a
bar. (John Shea, Lansdowne, Pa.)

Oppository: What a Labor Party MP calls a Conservative. (Marty McCullen,
Gettysburg, Pa.)

Orgas: An unpleasant end to what was promising to be a beautiful
experience. (Dot Yufer, Newton, W.Va.)

Orgee: A revel at which no one was particularly enthusiastic. (Roy
Ashley, Washington)

Orifuss: Monicagate. (Michelle Stupak)

Ostentitious: Having Pamela Anderson-size implants. (Chuck Smith,
Woodbridge)

Ovareasy: A very fertile woman. (Jonathan Guberman)

Pachydermine: A fat lady in a fur coat. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Parsehole: One who constantly interrupts a friend to correct their
grammar. Excuse me, his grammar. (Brendan Beary)

Placcid: Soft and limp, but okay about it. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

Qaqa: Assessment of the CIA's Arabic translations. (Kevin Dopart)

Quipecac: Sick humor. (Tom Witte)

Pastriarchy: The upper crust. (John O'Byrne, Dublin)

Perfidiot: Someone who's both a backstabber and a moron. (Brendan Beary)

Presleyterians: They believe that God Is Love -- a hunka hunka burning
love. (Brendan Beary)

Prudendum: A flap that the city authorities made strippers wear over
their G-strings. (John O'Byrne)

Punchkins: The little circles you pop out of paper to put it in a binder.
(Ben Schwalb, Severna Park)

Pudjorative: A nasty comment about someone's weight. (Mary Ann
Henningsen, Hayward, Calif.)

Rabbinicate: When a Jewish mother lectures. What, you thought she'd be
pontificating? (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Ragony: Menstrual cramps. (Tom Witte)

Rectomb: A big soft cushion for parking your butt. (Stephen Dudzik)

Remedius: The return of a driving salute. (Helen and Paul Stone, Silver
Spring)

Renebriant: The hair of the dog that bit you. (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo,
Australia)

Rhettorical: Not giving a damn about how your speech went over. (Michelle
Stupak)

Rhinoblasty: A punch in the nose. (Greg Arnold, Herndon)

Ringoligarchy: An organization led by its least talented member.
(Jonathan Guberman)

Rototeller: Someone who enjoys dishing the dirt. (Peter Metrinko)

Roueh: A Canadian playboy. (Tom Witte)

Sabbratical: What a schoolteacher needs every now and then. (Tom Witte)

Sanitarry: To spend too much time in the lavatory. (Douglas Frank,
Crosby, Tex.)

Sapphomore: A woman in her second lesbian relationship. (Kevin Dopart)

Scheisster: A really bad lawyer. (Dan Seidman, Watertown, Mass.)

Sensylvania: The state that voters in Dover, Pa., finally came to. (John
Johnston, St. Inigoes, Md.)

Serendeputy: The only way Barney Fife ever managed to capture a criminal.
(Brendan Beary)

Shelf-gratification: Thumbing through the men's magazines at a newsstand.
(Chris Doyle)

Shoddenfreude: The perverse pleasure one gets at seeing someone break a
heel of her $400 Manolos in a heating grate. (Chris Doyle)

Snackrifice: The act of buying something you don't want in the vending
machine because it's in front of the item you do want. (Ben Schwalb,
Severna Park)

Snideways: How one sneers at merlot-drinkers. (Tom Witte)

Stirruptitiously: How a gal got out of trouble before Roe v. Wade. (Steve
Fahey, Kensington)

Sudokuku: Addicted to filling in numbers in little grids. (Pam Sweeney,
Germantown)

Swain't: An ex-boyfriend. (Tom Witte)

And Last: Opicuarous: Containing the letters called for in this contest.
(Mike Connaghan, Alexandria)


Next Week: Post Mortems, or Ded Poetry Jam