Week 644: Winter Limp Picks
Ice Derby: Full contact figure skating
The lugie: Create frozen phlegm sculptures just by spitting
In a little more than four weeks it'll be time again for the
Semi-Worldwide Festival of Sports Featuring Bundled-Up Goggled People
That Nobody Cares About Except Europeans, Plus Skating for the Ladies'
Demographic. Alarmingly successful new Loser Kevin Dopart of Washington
suggests we brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and
rules, as in the examples he offers above. Alternatively, you can suggest
a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games
or one of its sports.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up this week gets a trophy, too, of sorts: It's a bobblehead
ostensibly of Arnold Schwarzenegger but looking nothing like him, perhaps
because this statuette is wearing a pink suit dress and matching pumps.
The base is labeled "Governor Girlie Man."
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational
Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail
tolosers@washpost.comor by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Tuesday, Jan.
17. Include "Week 644" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks
being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number
with your entry. Contests are judged on humor and originality. All
entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited
for taste or content. Results will be published Feb. 5. No purchase
required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate
relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be
disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Tom Witte
of Montgomery Village.
Report From Week 640, in which we asked for mottoes or slogans for any of the 50 United States
or its little auxiliary things: When she announced this contest four
weeks ago, the Empress expressed apprehension that it would yield too
many entries expressing not much more than "This state is boring." Sure
enough, it did yield lots of those, along with lots and lots and lots
that were unoriginal (Missouri Loves Company) or just plain uninspired
(especially from those would-be Losers who felt compelled to submit at
least one motto for every last state). And some that were funny but were
sent by everyone (e.g., West Virginia or Kentucky: We're One Big Family;
Arkansas: A Division of Wal-Mart Stores Inc.). But a few stood out:
4 Alaska: Come for the Caribou, Stay for the Pork (Rob Poole, Ellicott
City)
3 Hawaii: The Hub of the Mono-State Area (Russell Beland, Springfield)
2 The winner of the George W. Bush paper-doll-style magnet set:
California: Silicon Valley, Silicone Hills (Jack Held, Fairfax)
1 And the winner of the Inker
Kansas: Maybe YOU'VE Evolved (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)
And a Gazetteer of Honorable Mentions
California: If You Like This Motto, We've Also Got a Screenplay . . .
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
California: You Deserve a Quake Today (Steve Fahey, Kensington)
Delaware: Toll Plaza 1 Mile (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)
Florida: You Can Turn Off Your Blinker Now (Rob Poole)
Hawaii: We've Got a Word That Means Both "Tourist" and "Sucker," Too
(Douglas Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
Hawaii: No, We Can't Explain Why We Have Interstate Highways Either
(Russell Beland)
Kansas: Getting the Monkey Off Our Background (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
Kansas: The Black-and-White Part of the Movie (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)
Kansas: Way Under the Rainbow (Phil Frankenfeld; Larry Yungk, Arlington)
Kentucky: We're West Virginia's West Virginia (Fil Feit, Annandale)
Louisiana: Let the Good Times Sink (Ed Gordon, Ashburn)
Louisiana: If You Lived Here, You'd Be Homeless by Now (Larry Yungk)
Mississippi: That's M-I-Crooked Letter-Crooked Letter-I-Crooked
Letter-Crooked Letter-I-Humpback . . . (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)
Nebraska: The Nation's Only Unicameral Legislature. Whoopee. (Douglas
Frank)
Nevada: What Happens Here Stays Here (Not Counting Any Subsequent Itching
and Burning) (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)
New Jersey: The Garden State -- Smell Our Plants! (Steve Langer, Chevy
Chase)
New York: Unless You Got 7 Million of Your Friends Around, I Suggest You
Shut It (Douglas Frank)
New York: We're More Than Rochester (Norman F. Wesley, Pittsburgh)
Oregon Is for Goners (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Rhode Island: Spend a Few Minutes With Us (Marty McCullen)
Rhode Island: Sharing a Puzzle Piece With Connecticut Since 1776 (Andrew
Hoenig, Rockville)
South Carolina: Party Like It's 1861 (Rob Poole)
South Dakota: Betcha We Have More Giant President Heads Than You Do
(Russell Beland)
South Dakota: North Dakota's Riviera (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, North
Dakota)
Texas: It's All in the Execution (Marty McCullen)
Utah: Just a Notch Below Wyoming (Russell Beland)
Utah: Bring the Wives and Kids (Steve Adise, Silver Spring)
Vermont: Founded by Ira Allen, Ethan Allen's Brother (Ira Allen, Bethesda)
Virginia: Yeah, Well, You Don't Have to Be a Louise to Live in Louisiana
Either (Elwood Fitzner)
Washington, D.C.: We've Never Elected a Crooked Senator (Kevin Dopart)
And Last: Navassa Island: We Never Heard of Ourselves Either (Brendan
Beary) [That may be because the territory of Navassa Island, a speck in
the Caribbean that was claimed by the United States in 1857 for its
guano, is uninhabited except for "transient Haitian fishermen and
others," according to the CIA's Web site.]
Next Week: Dreck of All Trades , or Twindustries