Week 636: A Song From Tex Arcana


I'm tryin' to say I'm sorry, but you're makin' it hard to do.
I looked for you in Bremen -- Gdansk and Hamburg, too.
Breslau, Krakow, what's it matter anyhow? Why do ya make me roam?
I got the Hanseatic League fatigue, baby, when you coming home?

Sea urchin sushi

The Hanseatic League

The preservative sodium benzoate

Marzipan

The S&P 500

The Beijing Olympics

Fluorescent light bulbs

Prince Valiant

Tungsten, bismuth and/or molybdenum

Burkina Faso

The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act

"The NewsHour With Jim Lehrer"

Back in Week 628, where we asked you to compare any two items on a list
we supplied, one entry from Brendan Beary of Great Mills posited that the
difference between sea urchin sushi and $400 jeans was that you could
probably write a country song about the jeans. This idea got no ink
because its premise was obviously faulty. This Week's Contest: Write a
verse of a song about sea urchin sushi or any of the other ostensibly
unlyrical topics listed here. You may include more than one topic. The
example above was written by the Esteemed Mr. B at our request.

Winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up receives, by the grace of Loser Mary Ann Henningsen of Hayward,
Calif., a genuine 1989 "Alf" calendar, complete with the lovable TV alien
posing in pinups dressed as a gangster, football player, etc.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational
Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail
tolosers@washpost.com, or, if you really have to, by fax to 202-334-4312.
Deadline is Monday, Nov. 21. Results will be published Dec. 11. Put "Week
636" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as
spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry.
Entries are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries
become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for
taste or content. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The
Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for
prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for
next week's contest is by Tom Witte of Montgomery Village.

Report From Week 632, in which we asked for "backronyms" for companies or products.

4 W ow! H eroes E at A nything T o I ndiscriminately E ndorse S omething
(Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

3 T iny R aincoat O ver J ohnson A voids N atality (Kyle Hendrickson,
Frederick)

2 The winner of the Internet Urinal plastic jug: B ig U gly D runkards W
ill E njoy I ts S moothness, E specially R egurgitating (Brendan Beary,
Great Mills)

1 And the Winner of the Inker

M oshe, A fter N ipping I nebriating S yrup, C rudely H ollered, " E
sther W einstein I s T itillatingly Z aftig!" (Jonathan M. Guberman,
Princeton, N.J.)

Honorable Mentions

Homorable mentions walk away with lusted-after Style Invitational
magnets. (Martha Wright)

H elp U s M orons M isuse E arth's R esources (Elwood Fitzner, Valley
City, N.D.)

H ere's O ne S ubstance T hat E very S cientist S hould T est: W hat I
ngredients ( N onfood) K eep I t E ternally S pongy? (Chris Doyle, Tokyo)

D ispatching E verybody's L uggage T o A tlanta (Brendan Beary)

S imply C overs O doriferous P iehole E xhalations (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

G et A T ub O verhead . . . R eady, A im, D ump E verywhere! (Jesse
Frankovich, Lansing, Mich)

G lop E nters R etching B aby, E xits R unning (Cecil J. Clark,
Asheville, N.C.)

A trio:

I nter- P ersonal O bstruction D evice (Daniel Horner, Washington)

I mpending P andemic O f D eafness (John C. Feltz, Fairbon, Ohio)

I t's P axil, O nly D igital. (Kirk Zurell, Waterloo, Ontario)

H ow O ften M en E xperience D elirious E cstasy P urchasing O bscure T
ools! (Brendan Beary)

X erox E xactly R eproduces O riginal X eroxes. (Joe Neff, Oreland, Pa.)

S not U sually D ries A fter F ive E ventful D ays (Marty McCullen)

S eattle T ycoon A ccumulates R iches B ecause U pscale C onsumers K eep
S ipping. (Douglas Frank, Crosby, Tex.)

C ome I n A nd L ook! I 'm S tiff! (Chris Doyle)

K eep R esisting I nsidiously S weet P astries -- Y our K eister R
egisters E very M inuscule E xpansion (Elwood Fitzner)

F ats R endered I nto T idbits O f S in (John Held, Fairfax)

M ad C ow D isease O r N ot, A mericans L ove D ietary S uicide (Elwood
Fitzner; Chris Doyle)

C ongressional S peeches P roducing A merican N arcolepsy (Dave Zarrow,
Herndon)

P athetic R ug? O bvious P omade? E xtreme C ombover? I 'm A vailable!
(Chris Doyle)

I nsurance N ecessary O r V acate A rea (Jeff Covel, Arlington)

M en E xpediently T ake A M anure U sing C halky, I cky L iquid (Dave
Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Y ucky O rganisms, P lainly L iving, A re I n T here. (Brian Barrett, New
York)

V igor I n A ging G enitalia R equires A ssistance (Dave Kelsey, Fairfax)

M anly R efreshment P roduces I deal B ooming B elches (Brendan Beary)

C rates O f S tuff T o C art O ut (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

M eet A nd T alk. C atch H erpes. C all O ther M atch. (Steve Fahey,
Kensington)

G reat O rganizer O f G od's L ittle E arth (Ross Elliffe, Picton, New
Zealand)

U sage T riggers Z its (Roy Ashley, Washington)

O ne R eaches, E ats; O ne . . . (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Almost Last: W easelly A nonymous S ources H elp I nform N ewspaper G
iven T o O vertly N oxious P ositions O n S ubversive T opics -- R.
Nixon, Hades (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

And Really Last: We A lways S hare H orrible, I nsensitive N ews, G ladly
T aking O ur N ice P rofit O ff S omeone's T roubles. (Russell Beland,
Springfield)

Next Week: Your Secret Here, or The Battle of Divulge