Week 632: Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader (Inc.)
ALTOIDS: A Little Tin Of Icy Dental Stingers
COMCAST: Cut Off My Cable Another Stinking Time
A couple of years ago, in Week 512, we featured a contest asking you to
use a person's name as an acronym for an appropriate description or
quote. You might (evidently we didn't at the time) recognize this
wordplay as what's widely called a backronym -- a fake etymology that
often gets in a little dig at the subject. This week's contest, suggested
by Loser-on-the-Rise Katherine Hooper of Jacksonville: Give us an
original backronym for a company or product, as in the examples above.
Warning: There are zillions of these all over the Internet. It's very
easy to check if your idea is already out there -- please do. Newer,
longer and less common names probably offer less traveled territory. On
the other hand, don't use this contest as an opportunity to vilify your
local dry cleaner; stick to corporate entities that aren't going to be
cut to the quick by a little snarkiness.
Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First
runner-up receives, discourtesy of Brenda Ware Jones of Jackson, Miss.,
the Internet Urinal{+T}{+M}, a little turquoise (opaque) jug for those
times when you can't tear yourself away from the computer, such as when
you're working on yet one more entry for this contest. (No, really, go,
go. We'll wait.) It comes complete with a "female adapter."
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.
Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational
Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e-mail to
losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202-334-4312.
Deadline is Monday, Oct. 24. Results will be published Nov. 13. Put "Week
632" in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as
spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry.
Entries are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries
become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for
taste or content. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The
Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for
prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for
next week's contest is by Tom Witte of Montgomery Village.
Report from Week 628, in which we asked how any two items in a 12-item
list we supplied were similar or different.
Once again, the Loser community came through, making astonishing connections among the 66
possible combinations in the Empress's truly randomly assembled list.
More predictably submitted by dozens of you: How is $52.20 like a $400
pair of jeans? Both are worth about 50 bucks. A number of entrants were
evidently unenlightened about the Flying Spaghetti Monster, thinking it
had to do with the caloric value of Italian food rather than with a
particular theory of "intelligent design." The Omniscient Noodly
Appendage did enjoy a chuckle, however, we are reliably informed.
Third runner-up: How a $400 pair of jeans is unlike Deep Throat's throat:
One is top-of-the-line brushed denim; the other is a piece of old Felt.
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
Second runner-up: How two male rabbits are unlike the 400-meter dash: The
former are two short hares with long fur, while the other is a hair short
of two furlongs. (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)
First runner-up, winner of the pair of pink and white argyle socks: How
the Flying Spaghetti Monster is unlike two male rabbits: One is a tangle
of noodles and two meatballs that created everything ; the other have
four meatballs but can't create anything no matter how much they tangle
their noodles. (Jonathan M. Guberman, Princeton, N.J.)
And the winner of the Inker: How $52.20 is like sea urchin sushi:
Together they make up Toyota's offer for General Motors in 2009. (David
Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.)
Honorable Mentions:
How Groucho Marx's eyebrows . . .
. . . are unlike two male rabbits: You can't make a whole coat out of two
rabbits. (Roger and Pam Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
. . . are unlike a $400 pair of jeans: The jeans only look painted on.
(Greg McGrew, Leesburg)
. . . are different from John Roberts's breakfast: Justice Souter isn't
required to fetch Groucho his eyebrows. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
How the 400-meter dash. . . .
. . . is like Deep Throat's throat: Both have been the venue for many
climactic finishes. (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
. . . is like 2 degrees Celsius: They were the athletic and academic
achievements listed on Michael Brown's job application for FEMA. (Elwood
Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
. . . is like a $400 pair of jeans: The results depend on the shape of
the person who's in it. (Ann Worthington, Annapolis)
. . . is like Groucho's eyebrows: Both have often been enhanced by
foreign substances. (Mike Fransella, Arlington)
How sea urchin sushi . . .
. . . is different from two male rabbits: The first is expensive, the
second just a couple of bucks. (Jeff Brechlin)
. . . is different from John Roberts's breakfast: When John Roberts is
eating sea urchin sushi, we KNOW he's nibbling away at roe. (Pam Sweeney,
Germantown)
. . . is like Roberts's breakfast: Both leave you wishing you had a
Burger or Frankfurter instead. (Brendan Beary)
. . . is like the Flying Spaghetti Monster: Both are things the Kansas
Board of Education isn't about to swallow. (Brendan Beary; Russell
Beland).
. . . . is unlike Deep Throat's throat: You don't mind giving the
Heimlich maneuver to someone choking on sushi. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
. . . is like Groucho's eyebrows: In a blind taste test, these two items
tied for next to last, beating out only batter-fried Play-Doh. (Russell
Beland)
How two male rabbits. . . .
. . . are unlike John Roberts's breakfast : Glenn Close wouldn't cook
John Roberts's breakfast. (Pam Sweeney)
How two male rabbits. . . .
. . . are unlike $52.20: Michael Jackson isn't likely to carry $52.20
around in his pants. (Brendan Beary)
How $52.20 . . . .
. . . is unlike a $400 pair of jeans : $52.20 is the monthly wage of the
person who sewed the jeans. (Ted Weitzman, Olney; Rob Poole, Ellicott
City).
. . . is like a $400 pair of jeans : They are worth exactly the same at
an "Everything 86.95% Off" sale. (Russell Beland)
. . . is unlike the 400-meter dash: The former was the cost of our dinner
at the Mexican restaurant, and the latter was the cost afterward.
(Michael Platt, Germantown)
How $400 jeans . . .
. . . are unlike the Pandacam at the zoo: The first are best when
stone-washed; the second is best watched when stoned. (Kyle Hendrickson)
. . . One covers bears as they rear, the other covers bare rears. (Jeff
Brechlin)
. . . are like two male rabbits: They're both things that Jessica Rabbit
fantasizes about. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
How Deep Throat's throat . . .
. . . is unlike Groucho's eyebrows: The latter will tickle your funny
bone. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
is like a $400 pair of jeans: If the pants are scratchy you can probably
get a refund. (Elwood Fitzner)
How John Roberts's breakfast . . .
. . . is like the Flying Spaghetti Monster : If you ask about either of
them, don't expect a forthright answer. (Evan Golub, Hyattsville)
. . . is unlike sea urchin sushi: Ted Kennedy does have a snowball's
chance of getting invited for sushi. (Greg McGrew)
. . . is different from two male rabbits: At the former, Roberts ate
Lucky Charms; the latter HAVE eight lucky charms. (Jesse Frankovich,
Lansing, Mich.)
How are sea urchin sushi, a $400 pair of jeans, the Flying Spaghetti
Monster and two male rabbits alike?
The first two make me want to vomit; the last two make Pat Robertson want
to vomit. (George Demas, Fairhaven)
Next Week: Odd Couplings, or Names Bond