Week 614: In Stock Characters
Mr. Fixit arrives to repair an antique Ms. Pac-Man game, but through a sudden techno-warp, he winds up a character in the game itself. Ms. Pac-Man is a slave of a warlord who forces her to race around ratlike mazes for the amusement of others. Despite some anatomical differences -- he, for example, is not a wafer without genitalia -- Mr. Fixit and Ms. Pac-Man fall in love. Mr. Fixit rescues her from the machine, and they live together as man and mouth.
Mr. Clean
Mr. Coffee
Mr. Peanut
Dr Pepper
Mrs. Butterworth
Mr. Fixit
Mrs. Dash
Mrs. Smith
Mrs. Fields
Mr. Pibb
Mr. Potato Head
Ms. Pac-Man
Aunt Jemima
Cap'n Crunch
Mr. Dee-Lish
Uncle Ben
Molly McButter
Betty Crocker
Mrs. Paul
Chef Boyardee
Johnnie Walker
Bartles & Jaymes
Bazooka Joe
Count Chocula
Baby Ruth
Papa John
Captain Morgan
Burger King
Dairy Queen
Cracker Jack
Mister Salty
Ms. Magazine
This week's contest, suggested by Jim Ward of Alexandria: Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the above characters, as in the example above. The description may be no more than . . . hmm, 82 words. Other than that, you have free rein (except, of course, that entries must be within the Empress's strict standards of taste and propriety).
The winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets an empty bottle of the French wine Chateau des Tourettes, whisked away by the Empress from Phil Frankenfeld of Washington. There is no indication that this wine produces any unusual side effects.
Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e- mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202- 334-4312. Deadline is Monday, June 20. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published July 10. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Stephen Dudzik of Olney.
Report from Week 610, in which we asked you to "mash" two movies, TV shows, etc., into a single work of art and describe it:
The Empress got an enormous response to this contest, at least 4,000 entries, the most in at least a year, evidently because it was pretty easy to combine the names of two movies to make a funny- sounding hybrid. What proved a whole lot harder was to say anything very interesting about it. So below, there's no "Agnes of Godzilla," or "Othello Dolly" or "Magnum P.I. Claudius" or "Beauty Shop of Horrors," to name but a few of the many that received multiple tries, but no imperial green light.
{diam}Third runner-up: The Wizinator: A steroid-fueled cyborg pursues Dorothy and her companions as they attempt to reach the Emerald City in time to take their court-mandated drug tests. But along the Yellow Brick Road there were some poppies . . . (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
{diam}Second runner-up: Please Don't Eat Miss Daisy: Hannibal Lecter lands a job driving for a prim southern spinster. (Peter Metrinko and Laura Miller, Chantilly)
{diam}First runner-up, winner of Peyton Coyner's custom-made Style Invitational Magnet box: Pollyanna Karenina: "Oh, my -- isn't that the most beautiful train?" (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
{diam}And the winner of the Inker: Terminators of Endearment: At last, the perfect "compromise" date movie. (Paul Whittemore, Gaithersburg)
{diam}Honorable Mentions:
Valley Girl With a Pearl Earring: There's this girl, Julie? She gets to be a model for, like, a famous photograph or something. (Chris Kervina, Manassas)
It's a Wonderful Life Is Beautiful: A man sees how depressing a Nazi concentration camp would have been without him.
(Eric Murphy, Chicago; Beth Morgan, Palo Alto, Calif.)
My Left Footloose: A dancer with leprosy sees the imminent end of his career.
(Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
The French Lieutenant's a Man and a Woman: Confused sexual identity threatens morale in Napoleon's army. (Fred S. Souk, Reston)
The Americanization of Amelie: The cute, quirky French girl finds herself getting a big butt. (Bill Caldwell, Shawnee-on-Delaware, Pa.)
Soylent Green Acres: Two rich urban retirees find out the real meaning of being "put out to pasture." (Carolyn Steele, Annandale)
The Man With the Golden Gunga Din: James Bond finally meets a better man than he. (Tom Kreitzberg, Silver Spring)
The Lion in Winterminator 2: Eleanor of Aquitaine can't be bargained with. She can't be reasoned with. She doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And she absolutely will not stop. Until you are dead. (Tom Kreitzberg)
2001 Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: A computer attempts to get out of work by acting crazy, but things get out of hand and he ends up with a circuit-otomy.
(Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
Love Toy Story: Woody, an old favorite, feels threatened by the arrival of the new battery-powered Buzz Lightyear. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge; Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)
Das Booty Call: When the German sub fleet puts in to port, they're ready for some action! (Brendan Beary)
A Bullet Is Waiting for Godot: Let's just say Vladimir and Estragon have had it up to here. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)
Wag the Dogma: A group of apostles spin some messianic nonsense to distract the public from the Pilate-Magdalene affair. (Danny Bravman, St. Louis)
The Full Monty Python and the Holy Grail: The search for the missing cup. (Steven J. Allen, Manassas)
Man on Fire Down Below: An educational film about STDs and their symptoms. (Judith Cottrill, New York; Beth Morgan)
Gandhi-Haw: An hour of Delhi laughs and homespun humor. (Bob Dalton, Arlington)
Inherit the Wind in the Willows: Did Mole descend from Rat? Or was it the other way around? Let a jury decide! (Joseph Romm, Washington)
Gilligan's Island of Dr. Moreau: A mad scientist's plans to perform experimental lobotomies on seven castaways are spoiled when he realizes that someone has already beaten him to it. (Meg Sullivan)
Throw Momma From the Planes, Trains & Automobiles: Young Grigori discovers the family secret when he tries to bump off his mother, Mrs. Rasputin. (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)
DracuLa Recherche du Temps Perdu: Memories of his past life come flooding back when a vampire bites into Madeleine. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
Two and a Half Men at Work: The tragic tale of OSHA factory regulations ignored. (Robin Parry, Arlington)
Waiting for Godot to Exhale: Don't hold your breath. (Mark Eckenwiler)
Independence Day After Tomorrow: Aliens stupidly attack Earth right after global warming has rendered the planet uninhabitable. (Joseph Romm)
Guess Who's Coming to My Dinner With Andre?: A white guy and a black guy sit and listen to a boring guy. (John Chamberlain, Silver Spring)
Bob & Carol & Ted (Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore): After the divorce, Ted settles into a menage a trois. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis; Andrew Hoenig, Rockville)
You Only Live Twice, Pussycat: The other cats gang up on Felix and say nasty things to him. (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)
Tequila Sunrise at Campobello: Suddenly Eleanor starts looking pretty good.
(Bonnie Jacob, Alexandria)
The Thin Red Blue Long Grey Line: A bus company offers an extended tour of the American political landscape. (Bonnie Jacob)
Big Top Pee-wee Willie Winkie: You wouldn't call this movie a tearjerker, but you may want to bring a box of Kleenex anyway. (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)
My Fair Lady Sings the Blues: "Cocaine, I'm sayin', stays mainly in the vein."
(Hamdi Akar, Springfield; Chris Doyle)
Pretty in Pink Flamingoes: Andie can't make up her mind: Should she date the class hottie or the gross, feces-eating drag queen? (Beth Morgan)
Die Another Day After Tomorrow: The world ends not with a stir, but with a shake. (Wunji L. Lau, Fishers, Ind.)
Next Week: Ask Backwards: Erudite Edition or Cerebral Humorrhage