Week 608: Comeback Next Week

This week's contest: Lisa Linske-O'Connell of Rockville wrote the Empress to suggest a contest "inspired by my beautiful over-6-foot- tall younger sister. Whenever men ask her, as they often rudely do, if she plays basketball, she has always wanted to respond, 'No, are you a jockey?' " Lisa wonders if the Greater Loser Community could come up with original snide retorts to various rude questions or comments. (This is actually pretty much the same contest as Week 128, "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions," Sept. 17, 1995. But as we just said: Original. Not those.)

The winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets a super-cool six-foot-tall inflatable palm tree that the Empress bummed off the Washington Post TV writers after they'd received two of them in a promotion for some show or other.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e- mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202- 334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 9. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published May 29. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Phyllis Reinhard of East Fallowfield, Pa.

Report from Week 604, our annual contest to "breed" horses culled from the list of eligible entries for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their offspring.

As usual, we were deluged with several thousand entries, many from people who enter the Invitational every year for just this one contest. Some very fine entries were sent in by four or (many) more people; some of them are in the box below. Note: You just may find your very own horse name among the winners below, without your very own human name on it. It's almost inevitable with that many entries and one pair of increasingly glazed eyeballs. But look: If you're so interested in a fair shake, then why were you playing around with racehorses?

{diam}Fourth Runner-Up: Silent Bid x Hole in the Head = Shh for Brains

(Dan Seidman, Watertown, Mass.)

{diam}Third Runner-Up: Snack x I Live for This = Raisin d'Etre (Ron Bottomly, Columbia)

{diam}Second Runner-Up: Roman Ruler x Awesome Twist = Pontius Pilates

(Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

{diam}First Runner-Up, winner of the handbag made out of a coconut: Texcess x Snack = Best Little Ho-Hos (Chris Doyle, Raleigh)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker: First Word x Wrapped = Mummy (Lori Price, Leesburg)

{diam}Honorable Mentions

Awesome Twist x I Live for This = DNA (Bonnie E. Hughes, Reston)

Awesome Twist Southern Africa = HalfNelsonMandela (Beth Morgan, Palo Alto, Calif.)

Biloxi Palace War Plan = Shack Attack (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Cadillac Cruiser x Lost in the Fog = OffStar (Cindy Johnson, Alexandria)

Cat Robber x Defer = Tom Delay (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Commodity Trader x Awesome Twist = Pork Belly Dancer

(Veggo Larsen, Barboursville, Va.)

Consolidator x Giacomo = Debt in Venice (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Count Me In x Yes Yes Yes = What Meg's Having (Christina Courtney, Ocean City)

Customer x Lost in the Fog = Pay Misty for Me (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Defer x Ulistnintome = Deafer (Mary Lee Fox Roe, Mount Kisco, N.Y.)

Diamond Isle x Hole in the Head = BlingOutYourDead (Beth Morgan)

Distorted x Three Hour Nap = Fox Snooze (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Drum Major x Landslide = Stick in the Mud (Stephanie Thomas, Arlington)

Drum Major x So Long Birdie = Frank Perdue (Jean Sorensen, Herndon, Va.)

Drum Major x Sweet Catomine = Tympan Alley Cat (Chris Doyle)

First Word x What's Up Dude = Yo (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

Giacomo x Wrapped = Giac Strap (Harvey Smith, McLean)

Giacomo x Premium Tap = Nationala Boheme (Dave Prevar)

Golden Shine x Roman Ruler = Orange Julius (Jan Stanley, Reston)

Golden Shine x Hole in the Head = Flash in Trepan (Chris Doyle)

High Fly x Closing Argument = XYZ (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

I'm Bluffing x Bluff = I'm Not Bluffing (Russell Beland)

In Excelsis Exit Left = Sic Transit Gloria (Pam Sweeney)

Kansas City Boy x Customer = Missouri Loves Co. (Brendan Beary)

Landslide x Tales Not Told = Victorious Secret (Dave Prevar)

Landslide x Mr. Congeniality = Have a Gneiss Day (Meg Sullivan)

Magna Graduate x Drum Major = Juilliard Honors (Russell Beland)

Monarch Lane x Single Mon = Napoleon Solo (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Monarch Lane x Mr. Congeniality = Social Butterfly (Pam Sweeney)

Never at Dusk x Devil at Sea = NightsInWetSatan (Dennis Lindsay, Seabrook)

Noble Causeway x In Excelsis = Highway to Heaven (Tacey Mullen, Olathe, Kan.)

Premium Tap x Closing Argument = Lager Heads (Pam Sweeney)

Proud Accolade x High Fly = Braggin' Wrights (Marian Phelps, Vail, Colo.)

Proud Accolade & Defer = Not to Knight (Russell Beland)

Roman Ruler x High Fly = Pilate's License (John O'Byrne, Dublin)

Roman Ruler x Straight Line = XII Inches (Milt Eisner, McLean; Carol Ostrow, Laurel)

Roman Ruler x Apprentice = Nearo (Bonnie Jacob, Alexandria)

Roman Ruler x What's Up Dude = Pope Keanu I (Mary Ann Henningsen, Hayward, Calif.)

So Long Birdie x Apprentice = Sink the Putz (Harvey Smith)

Sort It Out x Closing Argument = Romantic Snuggle (Mike Cisneros, Centreville)

Southern Africa & Greater Good = Apartheid (P.W. Botha, Cape Town)

(Russell Beland)

Straight Line x Masquerader = Vector/Victoria (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Sun King x Dances With Ravens = Ra Lewis (Eric Fulton, Bethesda)

Sun King x Fast Exit = Me Gotta Go (Donna Vervena, Oakton)

Sun King x Straight Line = Tan Gent (Steve Shapiro, Alexandria)

Sweet Catomine X Kansas City Boy = Sweet Catamite (Andrea Kelly, Brookeville)

Sweet Catomine Defer = Another Hairball (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Tetrahedron x Gone Wild = Four Score (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Texcess x Southern Africa = JimBobwe (John and Ellen Godfrey, Kensington; Joe Barrett, Rockville)

Texcess x Hole in the Head = American Addle (Maggie Lawrence, Culpeper, Va.)

Unbridled Energy x Bluff = Raging Bull (David J. Rawlinson, Leonardtown)

Uncle Whiskers x By Sunday = Santa Domingo (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

Uncle Whiskers x So Long Birdie = Par for the Coarse (Howard Walderman, Columbia)

War Plan x Texcess = DubyaMD (David McCreedy, Alexandria)

War Plan x Yes Yes Yes = Bloomsday Scenario (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

War Plan x In Excelsis = Tactical Missal (Russell Beland)

Roman Ruler x Wilko = X-IV Good Buddy (Meg Sullivan)

Yes Yes Yes x I'm Bluffing = Lyin' Ayes (Jan Stanley, Reston)

Yes Yes Yes X Consolidator = Come Together (Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)

Great Ideas but Not Unique Ones:

In Excelsis x Jolly Mon = Day-O

Tetrahedron x Commodity Trader = Pyramid Scheme

More Than Somewhat x Lost in the Fog = Dubya

Yes Yes Yes x Consolidator = Yes

Single Mon x Jolly Mon = No Woman No Cry

Galloping Grocer x In Excelsis = Lettuce Pray

General Jumbo x Awesome Twist = Chubby Checker

Tales Not Told x Call the Marines = Don't Ask