Week 557: Oh, for Namesakes!


The difference between Prince and Prince Charles is the former figured out pretty fast that his life is mostly just symbolic.

The difference between Jessica Simpson and Bart Simpson is that Bart is less cartoonish and artificial.

The difference between Hank Aaron and Aaron Spelling is that when Hank made an error, he didn't name it Tori.

This week's contest was suggested by inveterate Loser Russell Beland of Springfield (my, doesn't "Russell" look nice as a middle name there): Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them, as in the examples above.

First-prize winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational Trophy. First runner-up wins a pair of genuine gold-sequined and tasseled pasties, complete with a bottle of liquid latex to stick them on with. The Empress found them in a Washington Post wastebasket; the back of the package advertises something called "Showgirls: A Titilating [sic] Experience."

Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week.

Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312 or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. Snail-mail entries are not accepted. Deadline is Monday, May 17. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or you risk being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published June 6. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Roy Ashley of Washington.

Report from Week 553, in which we asked you what was going on in these pictures.

Lots of repetition, but a good dose of variety, too. Clever but submitted too often: The boy in Cartoon B whistles while he woks; the lady in Cartoon F is on the horns of a dilemma, or taking a mustache ride at the county fair. And, of course, lots of Home Proctology Kits for Cartoon A.

Third runner-up: Cartoon D: Paramecium Fats lines up a tough combination shot.

(Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.; Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Second runner-up: Cartoon A: Ross Ruiz was caught red-handed cheating in the

International Dowsing Championship, ironically losing his No. 1 ranking.

(Milo Sauer, Fairfax; Steve Fahey, Kensington)

First runner-up, the winner of "Ben Wicks' Book of Losers": Cartoon F: An aging Bette

Midler performs an interpretive dance to "The Wings Beneath My Wind."

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

And the winner of the Inker: Cartoon A: As Karen held up a hand in protest, Barney confronted her with the fact that she had taken this Atkins thing too far.

(Allan B. Moore, Washington)

Honorable Mentions:

Cartoon A

When his caddie suggested this 4-iron, Tiger Woods realized he had hired the wrong guy. (Chuck Smith)

Rehearsing for the Whittier High School Christmas pageant, shepherd Dick Nixon complains that his staff is not a crook. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Gomer Pyle's distant cousin Hermann always had to stand in the back row at the Nuremberg Rallies. (Laura Shumar, Lafayette, Ind.)

Even before he bonked his nose, Buddy Hackett knew his audition for Mel Gibson was a long shot. (Joe Cackler, Falls Church)

Cartoon B

Little Romano tests his prototype Macaroni Grill. (Michael Fransella, Arlington)

I understand the Invitational's need for a token minority character, but did he have to be preparing food while whistling Dixie? (Niels Hoven, Berkeley, Calif.)

Alvin learns the fine art of snake charring. (Ry Schwark, West Linn, Ore.)

Even when he was a kid, there was always something suspicious about some of the tails Jayson cooked up. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Cartoon C

Jupiter's Earth Probe discovered only trace elements of sulfur in the Blue Planet's atmosphere, not enough to sustain life. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

This is a visual depiction of Googling a description of a Mars rover from English into Estonian, then back to English. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

Cartoon D

It's the little deuce poop. (Frank and Cindy Curry, Kingwood, W.Va.)

Never drive a 5-speed slug just after they've salted the roads. (Art Grinath)

Even at the Inn at Little Washington, $5 for a single herb-encrusted cicada nymph appetizer seemed a bit excessive. (Robin Grove, Chevy Chase)

First Runner-Up wins a hairy slug with a billiard ball attached to it via toothpick, donated by Steven Dudzik of Olney. (Ezra Deutsch-Feldman, Bethesda)

Cartoon E

The bloodmobile has gotten a little aggressive on collections. (Art Grinath)

Soylent Blue turns out to be people, too. (Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

"What's all this fuss about reducing faucet fuel emissions?" wonders Emily Litella. (Mary Ann Henningsen, Hayward, Calif.)

As we've long suspected, Russell Beland does his best work in the can. (Milo Sauer; Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Cartoon F

Landing on her feet after her departure from the National Zoo, Lucy Spelman takes a job with Sea World. (Jeffrey Scharf, Burke)

The "braces for impact" you hear so much about. (Dan Steinberg, Falls Church)

The Strayer College basketball coach didn't think she'd actually win the NCAA Tournament, but she jumped for joy just to be in the bracket. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Years after she's lost her perky good looks, Penelope Pitstop is furious that Snidely Whiplash's mustache doesn't have a touch of gray. (Jim Reed, Wales, Wis.)

[upside down] One of those games at the penny arcade: the calipers are about to grab a prize. (Carolyn Bassing, Takoma Park)

Margaret was furious when she found out that it was all a fluke. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

The federal marshal assigned to Justice Scalia performs the flamenco on a reporter's notebook. (Chris Doyle)