Week 550: Spring Cleaning


A dress made of old AOL disks is perfect for an evening of Internet dating.

Plastic milk jugs

Those little rectangular bread bag closures

Washington Post plastic delivery bags

AOL sign-up CDs that come in the mail

Coffee cans

Packing peanuts

Worn-out disposable razors

If you're like Kevin Mellema of Falls Church (or, okay, like The Empress), you tend not to throw away something that you've already used, or will never use, if it hasn't disintegrated yet. Kevin suggests that you suggest creative uses for these items or other disposable household thingies, singly or in combination. For this he wins a big ball of twist ties from The Empress's kitchen drawer, plus some string with only a couple of little knots in it. First-prize winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational Trophy. First runner-up wins an empty wine bottle that is covered in leather in the form of a duck, plus a shoe brush whose handle is a duck head.

Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312 or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. Snail-mail entries are not accepted. Deadline is Monday, March 29. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or you risk being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published April 18. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Brendan Beary of Great Mills.

Report from Week 546, in which we asked you to combine two or more U.S. towns in a "joint venture".

Yes, these are places named on actual maps, which, as you'll see, some people must have curled up with for eight days running.

{diam}Third runner-up: The Rocky (Okla.)-Mountain (N.D.)-Oyster (Va.) Masquerade Ball (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

{diam}Second runner-up: The Kissimmee (Fla.)-Ona (Ore.)-Butts (Mo.) Career Development Center (Jeff Nadler, New York)

{diam}First runner-up, the winner of the Gotta Go fake call-waiting sound machine: The Watton-Hellam-Ida-Ware (Mich., Pa., Okla., Mass.) "Dress for Success" Seminar (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker:

The Pierce-Naples-Garner-Hurt-Lake-Kell-Venice-Yankton (Fla., Fla., N.C., Va., Miss., Ill., Calif., S.D.) Festival of Body Decoration (Dudley Thompson, Raleigh)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

The Enid-Laredo-Yoder-Aldine (Okla., Tex., Wyo., Tex.) National Palindrome Competition (Chris Doyle)

The Marietta (Ga.)-Liddell (N.C.)-Lamm (N.C.) Children's Library (Brendan Beary)

The Mystic (Conn.)-Chickasaw (Ala.)-Helper (Utah) Magicians' Assistants' Conference

(Seth Brown, North Adams, Mass.)

Islip (N.Y.), Crane Neck (N.Y.) & Sioux City (Iowa) Personal Injury Associates (Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

The Pray-Novice-Pilot-Cando-Landing (Mont., Tex., Va., N.D., N.J.) Air Phobia Support Group (Russell Beland, Springfield)

The Minnehaha (Wash.)-Van (W.Va.) Clown Car Factory

(Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station)

The Tightwad-Bosses-Skidoo-Withee-Golden-Parachute (Mo., Va., Calif., Wash., Miss., Colo.) Commission on Executive Pay (Chris Doyle)

The Hartselle (Ala.)-Gypsum (Colo.) Convention of Used-Car Salesmen

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

The Gurley-Callender-Onda-Wall (Neb., Calif., Ark., Tex.) Auto Shop

(Brendan Beary)

The Flippin (Ark.)-Boyd (Wis.) Retreat for Brooklyn's Road Ragers

(Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

The Keokuk (Iowa)-Chappaqua (N.Y.) Conference on Jazz Drumming Sounds (Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

The Maxwell (Calif.)-Silver (Tex.)-Hammer (S.D.) Center for Pataphysical Science (Carole Lyons, Arlington)

The Feather Falls (Calif.)-Rock Falls (Ill.) Galileo Museum

(Jerome Alfred, Annandale)

The Smart-Ware-Coats-Wilder-Dumfries (Va., Utah, N.C., Minn., Va.) School of Dressing for the Elements

(Brendan Beary)

The Boiling Springs-Hot Springs-Warm Springs-Cold Spring-Soso-Loving (S.C., Ark., Ga., N.Y., Miss., N.M.) Seminar on "Keeping the Spark in Your Marriage" (Peter Metrinko, Plymouth, Minn.)

The Winters-Springs-Summers-Falls (Calif., Pa., Ark., W.Va.) Vivaldi Festival (Steve Shapiro, Alexandria; Erika Reinfeld, Somerville, Mass.)

The Lay-Dees-Canby-All-Man (Colo., Ill., Calif., Mo., W.Va.) Gender Modification Center (Scott Campisi, Wake Village, Tex.)

The Bush (Ky.)-Florida (Mo.)-Bush (La.)-Florida (Ind.)-Bush (Miss.)-Florida (N.M.)-Bush (Ill.)-Florida (N.Y.) Committee to Reelect the President

(Jan Smith, Columbia)

The Kenosha (Wis.)-Limitar (N.M.)-Mechanic Falls (Maine) Center to Reduce Workplace Injuries

(Brendan Beary)

The Yoe (Pa.)-Adrian (Mo.) Fight Night (Jeffrey Scharf, Burke)

The Rome-Orme-Orem-Omer (N.Y., Tenn., Utah, Mich.) Scrabble Championship (Chris Doyle)

The Bland-Normal-Plainville-Blandford (Mo., Ill., Conn., Mass.) Super Duper Wacky Fun Festival (Seth Brown)

The Accident-Talley-Box Elder-Leeman (Md., Ark., S.D., Wis.) Investigation Into Premature Burial (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

The Nippenose (Pa.)-Jackson Hole (Wyo.) Alliance Against Excessive Rhinoplasty (Bob Dalton, Arlington)

The Whypo (N.M.)-Nott (Ky.)-Rich (Ky.) Conference on Income Inequities

(Elden Carnahan)

The Quigley-Robbins-Tudor-Bat Cave (La., N.C., Calif., N.C.) Emergency Response Team (Dudley Thompson)

The Martha-Stewart-Orange-Jump-Suit (Ky., Ind., N.J., Ohio, N.C.) Fashion Committee (J.F. Martin, Naples, Fla.)

The Bird in Hand-Worth-Bush-Bush (Pa., W.Va., Ky., La.) Trading Post

(Russell Beland)

The Hurd (N.D.)-Trudy (Ga.)-Grapevine (Ky.) Center for Rumor Control

(Brendan Beary)

The Helena (Mont.)-Hand (S.C.)-Basket (Pa.) Institute for the Study of the Diminishing Quality of Life

(Brendan Beary)

The Topeka (Kan.)-Mendon (Ohio) Sock Darning Center (Russell Beland)

The Eighty-Four (Pa.)-Fifty-Six (Ark.)-Ninety Six (S.C.) Center for Obesity Studies (Brendan Beary)

The White City (Fla.)-Gunn City (Mo.) Republican Convention (Seth Brown)

The Jerry (N.C.)-Springerville (Ariz.) Planned Community for Transgendered Crack Addicts Who Have Sex With Extraterrestrials (Brendan Beary)

The Shorewood-Tell-Wausa-Mattapony (Wis., Tex., Neb., Mass.) Conference of Horse Whisperers (Carole Lyons)

The Bingen (Wash.)- Puuiki (Hawaii) Anti-Bulimia Sisterhood (Bob Dalton)

The French Lick (Ind.)-Axis (Ala.) Military Fantasy Camp

(Steve Fahey, Kensington)

The Paw Paw (Mich.)-Hazard (Ky.)-Blackfoot (Idaho) Barefoot Dog-Walkers Convention (Seth Brown)

The Thor (Ind.)-Luther (Mich.) Hold Your Tongue Center for Anger Management and Speech Therapy (Chris Doyle)

And Last:

The Complete-Entry-Not-Worth-Effort (Miss., W.Va., Mo., Ga., Pa.) Something Something (Mark Hagenau, Derry, N.H.)

And Really Last:

The Athol (Mass.)-Folks (Ga.) Bugs Bunny Fan Club

(Jane Auerbach, Los Angeles)