Week 532: Short Pans
'The Sting': Just a B Picture
'Citizen Kane': Welles' Farrago
Fellini's '81/2': Nein!
This Week's Contest was proposed by John O'Byrne of Dublin. John cited the famous three-word review by Walter Kerr of John Van Druten's play "I Am a Camera": "Me No Leica." Your challenge is to come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art -- film, book, whatever. As in the examples above. First-prize winner gets a package of edible napkins ("Shock your guests") made from potatoes.
First Runner-Up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312 or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 24. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Russell Beland of Springfield.
Report from Week 528, in which you were asked to give "Jeopardy!"-type questions to any of 12 answers we supplied.
{diam}Third Runner-Up: (Answer: Daffy Duck but not Ariel Sharon) Who might have Porky Pig for dinner? (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
{diam}Second Runner-Up: (Answer: Anthony "Big Pancreas" Santucci) On orders of capo Sal "The Gastroenterologist" Gastrone, which wiseguy was taken out?
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
{diam}First Runner-Up: (Answer: A toaster, Antonin Scalia, but not a Reuben sandwich) What gets very hot when you push the right buttons? (Joseph Romm, Washington)
{diam}And the winner of the souvenir plate of Brunswick, N.Y.:
(Answer: A toaster and Antonin Scalia, but not a Reuben sandwich) What poses a severe risk of electrocution? (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
{diam}Honorable Mentions:
{sleft}Who is even harder to find in The Post than a picture of Dennis Kucinich?
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
Benedict Arnold Schwarzenegger:
Which of George Washington's generals dropped his surname because "it sounded too Hessian"?
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
What is the name of the breakfast dish made of poached eggs, hollandaise sauce and a huge slab of ham?
(Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.;
Fil Feit, Annandale)
Who joined the British after accusations were made by Martha Washington, Sally Hemings, Dolley Madison and Betsy Ross? (Mark Young, Washington)
Who is famous for saying, "I'll be backstabbing"?
(Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.;
Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)
What do the Shrivers secretly call their son-in-law? (Roger and Pam Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.; Chris and Nick Sibella, Reston)
Whose plot to betray America was exposed by the capture of John Andre the Giant? (Joseph Romm, Washington; Stephen Fahey, Kensington)
Who said, "Don't fire until you see the whites of their thighs"?
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Yasser Arafat but not Daffy Duck:
Who told Elmer Fudd to chase that "wascally wabbi"?
(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)
Anthony "Big Pancreas" Santucci:
Who is a master of gland larceny?
(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)
Which mobster is bitter because all the cool nicknames have been taken?
(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village;
Mark Kipperman, Reston)
Who invented the "Big Pan" pizza?
(Jim Holt, Washington)
What was Tony "Sugar Lips" Santucci known as in his later years?
(William Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)
Who is a better prom date than Nick "Massive Festering Goiter" Santucci? (Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)
Mary, Susan and Beyonce:
What girls' names rhyme with "Harry's losin' a fiancee"?
(Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)
What were the most popular girls' names of the 19th century, the 20th century, and Aug. 7-9, 2003?
(Milo Sauer, Fairfax)
If I'm only being paranoid, why is The Post running this anagram for "Candy-Ass Beary on Menu"?
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
Only people who are very skinny:
Did Jeffrey Dahmer ever meet any people he didn't like?
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
What minority group will be completely eliminated from America by the year 2020? (Mark Young, Washington)
Who takes advantage of Virginia's new HOV-12 lane? (Mike Hammer, Arlington)
Daffy Duck but not Ariel Sharon:
On Saturday mornings, whom is George W. Bush most concerned about?
(Paul Hildebrand, Severna Park)
Whose naked aggression usually engenders a response of amused tolerance? (William Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)
Who looks good in shorts?
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Loaves and Knishes:
Name the humanitarian organization that feeds homeless Hasidic Jews.
(Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)
What got changed to "loaves and fishes" to make the New Testament "less Jewish"? (Fil Feit, Annandale)
With what did Jesus feed the multitudes, according to the Gospel According to Izzy?
(Peter Levitan, Sherman Oaks, Calif.)
It's like a peanut, only bigger:
What is a big peanut?
(Josh Borken, Bloomington, Minn.)
What is the Nietzchean ideal of an Ubergoober? (Brendan Beary, Great Mills; Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)
What do elephants dream of?
(Mike Genz, La Plata)
Hamsters, poi, and that Britney-Madonna kiss:
What are three things that most 6-year-olds are not ready for?
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
What's Syrian, Hawaiian and French? (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
What's warm and fuzzy, moist and tasteless, and all of the above?
(Jose Cortina, Oak Hill)
A toaster and Antonin Scalia, but not a Reuben sandwich:
What makes a sound that causes Clarence Thomas to leap up and respond immediately?
(Joe Cackler, Falls Church)
What would Al Franken really not want to see beside him in the bathtub?
(Drew Knoblauch, Falls Church)
Because you have to have the right undergarments:
Why do intelligence, talent and drive alone not ensure success as a White House intern?
(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)