Week 529: United We Stanza


We the voters have the right
To be happy, safe and free.
(Though if you aren't male and white
You just ain't part of "we.")

This Week's Contest: Above, the Declaration of Independence is summarized in four rhyming lines of verse. You need to do the same for any famous document, theory, principle or speech. Four lines only, at least one rhyme. First-prize winner gets six sheets of writing paper and matching envelopes lovingly crafted from elephant dung. This was donated to The Style Invitational by Robin Diallo of Malawi.

First Runner-Up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312 or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 3. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Brendan Beary of Great Mills, Md.

Report from Week 525, in which you were asked to choose a row of three cartoons and explain which one did not belong with the other two.

{diam}Third Runner-Up (Panels 3, 6 and 9): The man in front of the computer terminal hasn't yet learned the dangers of Internet dating. (Carla Yanni, Takoma Park)

{diam}Second Runner-Up (Panels 3, 6, and 9): While the computer in 3 and the deceased in 9 were both killed by viruses, in Panel 6 it is a giant talking bacterium that is taunting the woman for overeating. (Debbie Schaefer, Arlington)

{diam}First Runner-Up (Panels 1, 4 and 7): Panel 7 doesn't belong. Particularly on such a screwed-up day -- what with the burned breakfast and bad economic news on TV -- Carol's flight would surely have been grounded at the approach of flying saucers. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

{diam}And the winner of the board game based on a new brand of deodorant:

(Panels 1, 2 and 3): This is a trick question. Panel 1 is out because the others involve jobs (bank and Steve). Panel 2 is out because it doesn't involve pop-ups. And Panel 3 is out because it doesn't have anything to do with hot bread.

(Russell Beland, Springfield)

{diam}Honorable mentions:

Panels 1, 2 and 3:

While 2 (the robber) and 3 (the Internet identity-theft felon) are both dangerous, clearly 1 doesn't belong, because a faulty toaster that is about to burn down an entire high-rise and kill hundreds of people is much more dangerous than the others.

(Kenneth Gallant, Esq., Little Rock)

Panel 1 doesn't belong, because you can frog-march a thief or a computer hacker, but you can't frog-march a toaster.

(Former ambassador Joseph C. Wilson IV, Washington)

(Roy Ashley, Washington)

In 3, a man is looking at microfiche, and in 2 a man commits a deed that is foul, but 1 is neither fiche nor foul.

(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Panels 1, 4 and 7:

All three of these illustrate paradoxes. The woman in 4 is watching cable news on a TV with an antenna. The plane in 7 goes straight despite having only a right-sided engine. It is 1, however, that doesn't belong, because it has TWO paradoxes: Not only has the toaster worked even though it is unplugged, but also the toast has popped even though the lever is still in the down position. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Panels 1, 5 and 9:

The gravedigger doesn't fit. Because a toaster that works while unplugged, and a number, cinq, that "sank" to the bottom of the frame -- these are but the absurdities that make bearable a world devoid of meaning, n'est-ce pas? But Death, she comes to us all, inevitable as the fact that everyone in this picture will turn into a rhinoceros. (Eugene Ionesco, Paris)

(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

Panel 5 doesn't belong, because the toaster and the gravedigger are smoking, but the man is sitting in a restaurant in Montgomery County.

(Danny Bravman, Potomac)

Panels 2, 5 and 8: 2 is the only panel showing a person who couldn't pop a balloon with his/her nose. (Jim Reed, Wales, Wis.)

Panels 3, 5 and 7: Panel 5 doesn't fit. Because while it's got plane ticketing and Web surfing covered, Orbitz hasn't yet figured out how to annoy you when you are reading a book.

(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

Panels 3, 6 and 9:

6 doesn't belong because it does not contain worms.

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

9 doesn't belong, because it doesn't involve cookies: The guy at the computer is deleting his, while the woman is about to toss hers. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)

3, because it's not too late to press the escape key. (Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

3 and 6 involve both input and output, but 9 is just about input.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Panels 4, 5 and 6: 5 isn't evidence for why Larry King Must be stopped. (Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

Panels 7, 8 and 9: 7 doesn't belong, because 8 and 9 feature the same person, one in drag.

(Jim Reed, Wales, Wis.)