Week 511: It All Impends


This Week's Contest: In each of these cartoons, something unusual is about to happen. Tell us what it is. Explain as necessary. First-prize winner gets a necklace and earring set donated to the Style Invitational by Valerie Holt of Fort Washington. Ms. Holt, 10, fashioned the jewelry herself from vertebrae of a deceased raccoon. It is priceless.

First Runner-Up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the midly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312 or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted. Deadline is Monday, June 30. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Thos. Witte of Gaithersburg.

Report from Week 507, in which you were asked to come up with and name cocktails for the Washington area. Many people suggested "The Beltway," consisting of sloe gin and molasses.

[diam]Third Runner-Up: The Bill Bennett: Cherry brandy, cherry Coke and a cherry.

(Sara Ulyanova, San Pedro Sula, Honduras)

[diam]Second Runner-Up: The Al Gore: A tall drink, conspicuous by its absinthe. Just order "a stiff one." (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park; Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

[diam]First Runner-Up: The Jesse Jackson: Schlitz, Manischewitz and a spritz of slivovitz, with a chaser of Rhine wine, moonshine and quinine. (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

[diam]And the winner of the wooden replica of the Windsor casino:

The WMD: Only water, but somehow, you still get bombed. (Joe Cackler, Falls Church)

[diam]Honorable Mentions:

The Packwood: Aged Oregon wine. Stir with your tongue. Serve with an aged Old Grand-Dad chaser.

(Roy Ashley, Washington)

The Defense Department: A bottle of Bud. $ 235. (Marc Leibert, New York; Bob Bonsall, Bryans Road, Md.)

The Ford's Theatre: A shot of Booth's dry gin. It goes right to the head.

(Scott Campisi, Wake Village, Tex.; Gary Patishnock, Laurel)

The Legislative Process: Each person in the bar adds one ingredient of his own choosing. (Michael Burgess, Germantown)

The Marion Barry: Coke over cracked ice. It is customary to order this by saying, "Bitch, set me up!"

(Bird Waring, New York)

The Gary Condit: O.J. with a twist.

(Geneva Collins, Silver Spring)

The Jordanpollin: Oil and water.

(Mel Loftus, Holmen, Wis.)

The Henry Cisneros: Tequila with a little honey on the side.

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

The IRS: A bloody mary made with your own blood. (Mel Loftus, Holmen, Wis.)

The Bob Dole: Stout and pineapple juice, served straight up. (Russell Beland, Springfield; Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

The Stephanopoulos: Ouzo, Squirt.

Always pour short.

(Jeff Brechlin, Potomac Falls)

The Tourist: Take one measure of vodka, then add -- wait, no, start with one measure of gin, then add a measure of vod . . . no, it's 11/2 measures of vodka, then add creme de cassis -- what on Earth is creme de cassis? Can I just add cherry brandy instead? Then add orange juice -- ewww, this isn't like the orange juice back home -- and garnish with a slice of lime. It costs HOW MUCH??? (Ron Bottomly, Columbia)

The Miss Manners: A cordial, neat.

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

The Rummy: Rum, piss and vinegar.

(Ben McCulloch and Laurie McCabe, Falls Church)

The Wizards: Take any draught selection, allow it to go flat.

(Russell Beland, Springfield)

The U.S. Forest Service: A clear lager. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

The Trent Lott: Separate but equal parts Kahlua and cream.

(Jeff Tomasevich, Washington)

The Dick Cheney: A glass of red wine, daily. (Carrie Foster, Washington)

The Presidential Cabinet: Rum, just rum. (John Tuohy, Arlington)

The Czar: Use only the best ingredients. Measure the proportions precisely. Serve in the finest crystal. Then pour down the toilet, because The Czar isn't going to like it, anyway.

(Roy Ashley, Washington)