Week 503: Doody and Muldoon


Original Muldoon:

With a toe in the water and a nose for trouble and an eye to the future
I would drive through Derryfubble

A New Muldoon:

A nose to plunder,
An ear to poke in,
Ah, life is grand
In sunny Hoboken.

This week's contest was suggested by Peter Metrinko of Alexandria. Peter proposes that you write poetry that out-Muldoons Paul Muldoon, the Princeton professor who won this year's Pulitzer Prize in poetry. The real Muldoon, above, was quoted by The Post as an example of his poetry. Yours must imitate it. Your poem must be a single quatrain, containing at least one rhyme and references to at least two body parts and one geographic name, as in the second example above. First-prize winner gets an extraordinary prize donated to The Style Invitational by Robin Diallo of Malawi. It is a genuine Zulu mcedo, which is a caplike object woven from grass and banana leaves that is worn by Zulu men underneath loincloths for protection of a sensitive body part.

First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312, or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted. Deadline is Monday, May 5. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post.

Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Chris Doyle of Forsyth, Mo.

Report from Week 499, in which we asked you to mate any two Triple Crown-eligible horses and name the foal.

The results, as always, were spectacular. A special mention, but no prize, goes to Jeff Brechlin of Potomac Falls, who had to stretch the form a little bit but produced this otherwise excellent entry: Mate "Roses in May" with "Exceptional Sunset" and get "Laid." Additional good entries that we had no room for can be found on www.washingtonpost.com.

Seventh Runner-Up: Mate Epic with Warhawk and name the foal Beowulfowitz

(Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Sixth Runner-Up: Mate In Front Quality with Gold Digger and name the foal

I'm a Little D Cup (Pamela Zilly, Cabin John)

Fifth Runner-Up: Mate Runnin' on Nitro with Atswhatimtalknbout and name the foal The Angina Monologues (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg)

Fourth Runner-Up: Mate Molotov with O Henry and name the foal Cocktailwithatwist (Susan Reese, Arlington)

Third Runner-Up: Mate Roaring Fever with Mr. Bubbly and name the foal SARSaparilla (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Second Runner-Up: Mate Polish Gift with Exceptional Sunset and name the foal Gdanskinginthedark (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

First Runner-Up: Mate Occult with Rapid Proof and name the foal E.S.P.D.Q.E.D.

(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

And the winner of the convict costume:

Mate J Alfred Prufrock with Wordsworth and name the foal Lonely as a Clod

(Emily Lloyd, Milford, Del.)

Honorable Mentions:

Gigawatt x One Nice Cat = Shock and Awww (Stu Solomon, Springfield)

Composure x Lion Tamer = Sang-Froid And Roy (Chris Rubino, San Diego)

Ruby Falls x Refuse to Bend = Viagra Falls (Howard Walderman, Columbia)

Lucy I'm Home x Roaring Fever = Dizzy Arnaz (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Rocky Flight x Mr. Bubbly = Barf Bag (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

Southern Image x Formal Attire = Starched Overalls

(Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

Hypnotist x Victory Smile = Trance and Dental (Yale Smith, McLean)

Enkidu x Comic Truth = Ikidu Not (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Lucy I'm Home x Amid the Chaos = Quick Fred Hide (M.K. Phillips, Falls Church)

Lucy I'm Home x Senor Swinger = Icky Ricardo (Jonathan Batten, Washington)

Stanislavsky x Crackup = Methodtomymadness

(Roy Ashley, Washington; Mike Hammer, Arlington; Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

Whywhywhy x Windsor Lodge =

Why Knot (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Bham x Stoker = Whackula

(Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Daring Skipper x Lucy I'm Home = Theoldmananddesi

(Chris Rubino, San Diego)

Bull Market x Peace Rules = Bring Back Bill (W.J. Clinton, Chappaqua, N.Y.)

(Randy Huwa, Orange, Va.)

Quick Draw x Still a Bachelor = Big Surprise (Mike Hammer, Arlington)

Lucy I'm Home x Excessive Pleasure = Little Ricky (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

Formidable Fox x Storm Gulch = Greta Van Cistern (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Excessive Pleasure x Unnamed 2 = Anonymphomania

(Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Pretence x Actor = Charlatan Heston (Chris Doyle, Forsyth, Mo.)

Enkidu x Patriot Spirit = Enkidoodle Dandy (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Summer Sport x Napoleon Solo = Tennis Elba (Dan Dunn, Bethel, Conn.)

Crackup x Refuse to Bend = Modest Plumber (Sue Finger, Falls Church)

Excessive Pleasure x Prominent Feature = Justhappytoseeyou

(Jonathan M. Kaye, Washington)

Stone Canyon x Region of Merit = Rose of Sharon (Joe Cackler, Falls Church)

Ah Wilderness x Gigawatt = Gale's Dream (Joe Cackler, Falls Church)

Mr. Bubbly x Penobscot Bay = Lawrence Whelk (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Saintly Look x Bull Market = Holier Than Dow (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Legal Process x Funny Cide = Sue a Cide (Julia Scott, Rockville)

WhyWhyWhy x Lone Star Sky = Three Whys Men (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Man Among Men x Refuse to Bend = Prison Shower

(Michael Burgess, Germantown)

Boston Park x Cold Truth = Common Cold (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley)

Rosy's Big Guy x Hot Hand = Rosy Palmer (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Surging River x Torre and Zim = Dam Yankees (Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax)

Excessive Pleasure x O Henry = 0! O! O! Henry! (Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)

Eugene's Third Son x At First Blush = Kith and Makeup

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Torre and Zim x Tempered Steel = Yanks My Chain (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Onebadshark x Knievel = Jump the Shark (Greg Pearson, Arlington)

Mister Slippery x Ruby Falls = Ruby Sues (Greg Pearson, Arlington)

Peace Rules x Dance Pro = Dove Barre (Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)

In Front Quality x Cold Truth = Shrinkage (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Little Floss x Southern Image = Thong of the South (Meg Sullivan, Potomac;

Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Elusive Gentleman x Prominent Feature = The Shadow Nose

(Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Larry King x Quick Draw = Suspender Animation (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)

Private Chef x Legal Process = Torte Reform (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)

Transparent x Texas Hill = Glassy Knoll (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)

New South Wales x Runnin' on Nitro = Aussie and Harrier (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

WhyWhyWhy x Knievel = Axes of Evel (Bill MacDonald, Alexandria)

Legal Process x Military Option = What Legal Process?

(Bill MacDonald, Alexandria)

Stand by Your Flag x Excessive Pleasure = Standing O (T.J. Murphy, Arlington)

Your Bluffing x Acceptable = My 26th Entry (Russell Beland, Springfield)