Week CXXXVI (469): Playing Check-In


Elton John: Brian Bigbum

Jimmy Buffett: Al Vacado

Cal Ripken Jr.: Brad Carlton

Kevin Costner: Frank Farmer

John Travolta: J.T. Smith

This week's contest was suggested by Kevin Cuddihy of Fairfax. According to a recent

gossip column in the Boston Herald, the celebs above use the names above as their aliases when checking into hotels. Your challenge is to suggest more appropriate check-in names for any celebrities, past or present, living or dead. (Kevin suggests, for example, that John Wayne Bobbitt might use "Les Johnson." The Herald actually suggests that Bobbitt does use this moniker, but we strongly doubt it.) First-prize winner gets an excellent pair of Elvis sunglasses with dangling sideburns. First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt.

Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312, or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted due to rabid, spit-flying fanaticism. Deadline is Monday, Sept. 9. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field.

Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post.

Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes.

Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Thos. Witte of Gaithersburg.

Report from Week CXXXII (465), in which you were asked to combine the first half of a hyphenated word in a story in The Post with the second half of another hyphenated word from the same story, and define the new word.

Fifth Runner-Up:

Tour-tle: An out-of-towner who walks really slowly in front of you.

(Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Fourth Runner-Up:

Fiz-actors: Aged veterans who are reduced to doing denture commercials.

(Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Third Runner-Up:

Bra-mitments: Unwise promises made when under the influence of a bosom.

(Fil Feit, Annandale)

Second Runner-Up:

Hu-ters: An adult-theme Chinese restaurant. (Steve Honley, Washington)

First Runner-Up:

Knife-throw-fixed: How circus animals get neutered. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

And the winner of the Baby Born Miniworld:

Testimo-stitute: An expert witness who will say anything if the fee is high enough. (James Pierce, Charlottesville)

Honorable Mentions:

Constitu-biguously: How the Supreme Court decides cases.

(Phyllis Kepner, Columbia)

Occa-triotism: Loving one's country when it's politically advantageous. (Phyllis Kepner, Columbia)

Ad-kay: Ary-Gay Ondit-Kay.

(Bill and Jo Vogt, Carlisle, Pa.)

Prohib-icans: The religious right.

(Bill and Jo Vogt, Carlisle, Pa.)

Han-dictment: The charge filed against Pee-wee Herman.

(Howard Harrell, North Potomac)

Reject-fornia: Wyoming.

(James Pierce, Charlottesville)

Re-Gilligan: To get hopelessly lost again in a place where one was lost once before. (Jennifer L. Nelson, Washington)

Under-ture: Deliberate action intended to discourage romantic attentions of another. (Antonym: Overture.)

(Jessica Giannascoli, Silver Spring)

De-empha-rine: A new drug that makes people more subtle; commonly prescribed to writers.

(Charles Haze McCrary, Alexandria)

Long-in-the-versation: Describing the work of Tennyson, Stevenson and other self-indulgent poets.

(Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Hand-versation: Two Italians, talking. (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Con-pounded: How Arthur Andersen calculated interest.

(Marc Leibert, New York)

Muse-teroid: A gargantuan apocalyptic rock that will hurtle through space and smash into the Earth, sparking cataclysmic tidal waves, devastating earthquakes, and a lot of really awful poetry. (Marc Leibert, New York)

Deter-dress: Burlap sack with "Lesbian Power" stenciled on it.

(Marc Leibert, New York)

Oklaho-mered: Tipped a cow over with just one push. (Brian Barrett, Bethesda)

Ali-phisticated: What befell many heavyweights. See "Ali-gram."

(Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Ali-gram: A stinging left jab.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Inadequa-versity: Your "safe school." (Kelli Midgley-Biggs, Columbia)

Got-Christ: Failed marketing campaign for Billy Graham Crusades.

(Dave Komornik, Berkeley Springs, W.Va.)

Digi-boot: Induced regurgitation.

(Dave Komornik, Berkeley Springs, W.Va.)

Intelli-abs: Stomach muscles so hyper-developed that they are capable of independent thought.

(Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

Can-master: The sequel to the Thighmaster. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Admini-tors: Bull-headed secretaries. (William Zamojcin, Vernon, Conn.)

Bun-tween: Where a thong goes.

(William Zamojcin, Vernon, Conn.)

Inher-tion: The writing of oneself into a will. (Jerome Alfred, Fairfax)

Nonprolifera-nium: An element particularly useful in not making nuclear weapons.

(Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Year-itate: To tease someone about his age. (Steve Honley, Washington)

Hes-ters: A failed restaurant chain where waitresses wore scarlet A's on the bosoms of their starched white shirts. (Steve Honley, Washington)

Choreogra-vert: One who patronizes strip clubs out of appreciation "for the dancing." (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Gin-whispers: Hiccups.

(Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Rat-nership: A corporate merger.

(Paul Kocak, Syracuse)

Dis-fighters: Defenders of the insulted. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

Ee-bum: Extra-wide posterior.

(Sue Lin Chong, Washington)